01 New high-risk occupation-mother
A few days ago, the case of Peking University talent Wu Xieyu mother-killing, the court hearing caused concern.
He used to be the No. 1 student in the college entrance examination in Fujian. He had planned to kill his mother for a long time. Later, he treated his mother's body as a tasteless "mummy" and placed it at home. In the name of his mother, he borrowed 1.44 million yuan from relatives and friends and resigned from the school on the grounds that he would accompany his son to study in the United States.
Wu Xieyu was arrested after absconding for 4 years.
And in the upcoming 2020, in November and December, there will be news of high school boys killing their mothers.
Over the years, seeing such news frequently makes me sigh: When did being a mother become a high-risk occupation?
In 2017, I passed the certificate of psychological counselor. In 2018, through further study, I got acquainted with the various schools of psychology , and also learned that youth psychological counseling is a very promising development direction.
Now the child matures prematurely, and the youth rebellious period comes earlier. Children in their 10s and even 8 or 9-year-olds have already started.
The material conditions acquired by the children are unprecedentedly rich. This world is completely different from 30 or 20 years ago.
However, many parents' thoughts and practices still stay in the past, following the way they were treated by their parents when they were young.
is like a 2G mobile phone. It can no longer be used under 4G and 5G networks. The unbalanced development of the spiritual and material worlds has caused too many parent-child problems.
Children’s behavior, why is there a problem? There is a problem with the parent-child relationship.
Parent-child relationship, why is there a problem? Inappropriate family education, irrational family system. If we go back, our original family, our parents' original family, is too complicated and impossible to achieve.
As parents, although we are still in our subconscious mind, we still have the childhood shadow brought by our original family, which affects our behavior, but we can start from ourselves, be aware and awaken, and give our children a perfect Beautiful, beautiful native family.
Many parents, especially many mothers, put parent-child relationship before husband and wife relationship after having children. And many fathers, when it comes to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, either do nothing or stand on their mother's side.
Neither of them realized that in the family relationship, the husband and wife relationship of is the first and the cornerstone of existence .
Children’s external behavior problems-rebellion, non-learning, early love, game addiction, the reasons are actually the inner needs of , which are not met by .
Since childhood, parents did not really "see" their children, and did not respond to them in a timely manner. The accumulated problems that lead to alienation and isolation from the child will explode in the youth rebellious period.
The child had a problem, which caused a headache, and finally reached the time when he couldn't manage it or didn't know how to manage it. Some parents of
are okay, knowing to seek help, for example, to a psychological counselor for consultation and get professional help. This is also the reason why many people enter the youth psychological counseling industry.
But more parents do not even realize this. When it comes to treating children, they are either anxious and helpless, or use violence to control violence.
02 The magical doctor Bian Magpie
We have all studied Bian Magpie sees the story of Z6z Cai Huan gong :
Bian Magpie The first time I saw Cai Huan, he said that he was afraid that he would be a little bit sicker in treating his skin. Cai Huan didn't believe it. Not only did he say that he was not sick, he also mocked Bian Que, thinking that doctors like to treat people who are not sick in order to gain reputation.
The second time was ten days later, Bian Que said that Cai Huan’s disease is already in his muscles, and it will be more serious if he is not treated. But Huanhou still didn't believe it, and was unhappy.
For the third time, ten days later, Bian Que said again that Cai Huan’s disease has reached the stomach, noTreatment will aggravate and be dangerous. But Huanhou still didn't believe it, and even more unhappy.
for the fourth time, ten days later, but this time Bian Que saw Cai Huangong and turned around and ran. Cai Huangong specially sent someone to ask him, and Bian Que said: "(The disease) is in the skin, (is) what can be achieved by ironing (the power); (the disease) is in the muscles, (is) the power of acupuncture and moxibustion. Achievable; (illness) in the intestines and stomach, (yes) fire agent soup (power) can achieve; (illness) in the bone marrow, (that is) the task of the commander, (medicine already) There is no way. Now (his disease) has reached the bone marrow, so I don't speak anymore."Z8z
Five days later, Cai Huangong was in pain and sent someone to find Bian Que, but Bian Que had already fled to Qin. Cai Huangong also died of illness.
When I was young, I thought that Cai Huan was a taboo doctor, but when we grew up, we found that we would often live as Cai Huan. If we didn’t suffer from pain, we would not believe that we would get sick.
Every child is born with a blank sheet of paper.
Smart parents guide their children to paint by themselves. But some parents want to paint a picture of themselves. What's more, my mother wants to paint pastoral scenery, but my father loves the mountains and rivers.
Therefore, if we feel that there is a problem with our children, then we parents must first find the reason from ourselves.
Do we not know enough about children? Have we not seen the inner needs of our children? Should we ask for help? Is it our children or ourselves? Dad and mom, are the requirements the same?
For example:
as a child asks you: Dad/Mom, can I play games for a while? How would you answer?
How do you react when you see your child immersed in the game?
Will you discuss with him first, why does he want to play games? He would still refuse directly and ask him back: Have you finished your homework? Have you read the book? How many points did you score, and you still have time to play the game?
Why do kids play games? Why can't I get immersed in it when I play? do you know?
03 changed, starting from itself
last week at the salon, listening to a mother who has studied psychology for 8 years to share.
She said that in 2013, her son was close to being out of school when he was in the first grade. Half of a semester is spent at home. She was very depressed and didn't know what to do.
is in confusion. She heard that there is a workshop in Zhengzhou that might help her. So she went to participate, and then got to know psychology, and was immersed in it, realizing her own problem, the root of the problem. What is important for
is that she realizes that she must start from herself and begin to change.
Now, her son has gone to university and is a very good young man. As a mother, she and her son respect and appreciate each other like friends. When my son encounters problems in life and study, he always talks to her and looks forward to her suggestions.
She and her husband, husband and wife Qin Se He Ming for more than 20 years, her husband loves to call her "Goddess".
She is the youngest in her native family, because her mother has been living with her after her father died, so she had two sisters at one time, and she had to listen to her arrangements. But now, she puts herself in the position of her younger sister, and when something happens, she will actively solicit and listen to her sister's opinions. The
sisters are more friendly, and the old mother is very happy to see it.
Happiness is a good medicine. When a family system is operating normally, everyone in it is comfortable and happy.
Therefore, change can start from knowing that we need to build a happy family system model.
04 The key to solving the problem is in your hands
No matter what problem you want to solve? There must be a firm belief, that is: the key is in my hand.
If you want to solve children’s problems, first come to find our own reasons. Through learning, awareness and awareness, in family education, goes from "ignorance and unconsciousness" to "being aware and aware" to "foresight" .
can understand the child's inner needs from his behavior. It is not easy, but it can be done.
We are the children’s native family. If our native family has brought shadows to our childhood, then we must be aware of whether those shadows are still in the subconscious and affect our attitude towards children.
At the same time, we must understand that we have grown up, we have the ability to get rid of those shadows, and we can give our children a happy native family.
What is a home system? How to build it?
What does a happy family system look like? How does
get through the dilemma of couples' communication? How does
solve the problems in the parent-child relationship? How does
combine personal dreams with family visions? How does
become a coaching parent instead of a nanny?
......
You must believe that we can find answers to all questions.
In December 2020, my psychological counselor and I set up a community together to implement the happiness experience room plan. In the
plan, there are compulsory courses for happy family of
52;
52 personal growth and family education book essence sharing;
1 free psychological consultation;
follow-up development of various project benefits. What you can enjoy
is 2021, full-year immersion learning, continuous accompany sharing .
The problems in the relationship and the confusion in learning, we can discuss together.
We are psychological counselors, and more importantly, we are two mothers, who are beneficiaries of psychological knowledge and correct family education concepts.
We know that what we gain is also what many parents need to improve. Therefore, we hope to use our meager power to let more parents understand:
Many times, it is not our children that have a problem, they are just using this way to tell us that they really desire.
Children need the understanding, guidance and company of their parents. They long for their parents' love and hugs.
We hope that when you encounter different problems at different stages of life, you can know theories and know the actual combat, use a new way of thinking, scientifically respond, and live calmly!
Friends who are interested, can private message for details.
In 2021, let us work together-
to find the answers to the questions, from knowing to doing, becoming the ideal self and enjoying a happier life.
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Don't wait, in 2021, give yourself a reason to change.
I am @北的木棉, a psychology lover who is determined to study for life, enjoy heart flow, and enjoy happiness at the moment. I look forward to improving myself, better accompany and educate the mother of children, and I am willing to grow up with you.
likes my text, please pay attention to me, and welcome to like and comment. Let us work together, from knowing to doing, to become the ideal self!
