Recently, a friend said to me: special anxiety.
I asked her what is she worried about? She said she was troubled by the child's bedwetting in the kindergarten. I said that bedwetting is not normal? Which child never wets the bed when he was young. My friend said that the key is that the teacher approached her and told her to train her children at home. After teacher
said it, my friends paid special attention to this matter. I told my children about bedwetting many times at home, and taught the children a lot, including "remind children to go to the bathroom before nap, and not to use the bathroom during lunch break. Forced to go up in time" and so on. In short, after doing a lot of hard work, but not getting satisfactory results, the child still wets the bed several times.
friends ask me what to do?
On this issue, I actually really want to talk to you. I was thinking, as a parent, how should I convey what the teacher said at home. As far as I know, when many parents convey the teacher’s words, is very simple and rude. Some parents just repeat what the teacher said. The careless parents are likely to aggravate the teacher’s words and speak more straightforwardly. Add fuel to what the teacher said.
Sometimes, we often transfer the responsibility to the teacher. When a child has some problems, we always feel that the teacher will not be a teacher, and we should not define our own children, and we should not do this or that. But we as parents seem to have neglected our responsibilities as fathers and mothers. What exactly are our responsibilities?
Now the whole country is advancing home-school co-education. What is the role of home-school co-education? In fact, parents and teachers must cooperate with each other and play a complementary role. This requires that when teachers criticize children or even show some defined behaviors, parents should take on the role of encouragement and promotion.
I remember that there was a pure water advertisement that was actually very classic. We don't produce water, we are just nature's porters. What fits this advertisement is that many parents are "we don't learn how to be a parent, we are just porters of the teacher's words".
comes back to this question. When the child wets the bed and the teacher criticizes him, doesn’t the child know that he is wrong? I know, what a child needs at this time is another criticism from his parents? In another way, if you and I were children, would you like to hear your parents' criticism again? No, we want more encouragement from our parents, right?
If we criticize the child again, it will not help the child stop wetting the bed. It is likely to penetrate the child’s mind. First, will produce anxious mind . Even if there is no urine during lunch break, we will force ourselves to go to the bathroom, even if we go to the bathroom. The toilet also wets the bed repeatedly because of anxiety during lunch break; the second is that has self-doubt , and constantly asks himself why other students do not wet the bed, but only wet the bed by themselves, and then suspect that there is a problem in their own body, and even abandon themselves.
Seriously, bedwetting is just like what I said before. It is a very normal thing. It is almost accidental. Since the teacher has criticized it, even if the teacher talks about it with you a lot, you might as well “turn a blind eye”. Really, when you get home, you should neither preach to the child nor encourage anything, because the right does not know. Of course, some parents say that being upset by the teacher about this matter is actually not necessary. We have to be considerate of the teacher. Forty or fifty children in kindergarten, just two or three teachers, it’s really not easy. Sometimes It is normal to say a few words.
bedwetting is a very small thing, but as far as this matter is concerned, I suddenly remembered a real case of a "parents meeting". The specific details are not very clear, so I will share with you roughly. It is said that a child was very lagging behind when he was in the sixth grade of elementary school. The school held a parent meeting. The child was particularly worried at home, waiting for the "stormy storm" after the mother returned. Who knew that after my mother came back, not only did she not beat her child, she also smiled and said to the child: My child, although you did not do well in the exam this time, the teacher is still very confident in you. He said many of your advantages and pointed out The direction of your efforts, she believes that under your efforts, you will slowly achieve excellent results. Child, mother also thinks that you are okay. Starting today, mother will work hard with you, okay? Z2z
's mother's words inspired the child's confidence. In the following time, the child began to gradually get rid of his shortcomings, made little progress, and became excellent little by little, and finally passed the 985 college.
The child has always believed in the message from the teacher that his mother gave himHe would never know that his mother deceived him with a "white lie". At the parent meeting that day, the teacher seriously criticized the child and even the mother. The mother originally wanted to go home and give her a tantrum and a painful beating. But when my mother was hiding outside crying, she thought a lot and rejected this idea. She knew that if she went back and did it like this, she would only make the child break the jar. In addition, she knew the child well and knew why the child learned It's so bad, because it's too playful, so I changed the way to convey it, but it had a miraculous effect.
The way parents convey the meaning of the teacher is different, and it really determines the present and future of the child. A friend of
asked me how to communicate better? Respect the following three principles:
1. Principles must be true.
Any content that involves principled issues passed by the teacher must be highly valued, and it must be especially true to the children. The content of the principled questions mainly includes homework and moral issues, such as not doing homework. When encounters such a problem, parents should also pay attention to it. Don’t always keep your mouth shut. This third-person expression is always "what your teacher said". It should be changed to "show me homework for inspection". First-person expression. The correct use of person pronouns is itself a shock to the child. This will let the child know that you are not paying attention to him, but that you are temporarily unable to pay attention because of busyness and other reasons. It can also arouse the child's vigilance, knowing that you will not check Dare to fool and fool you. Then, after parents know about this problem, they can make three chapters and check regularly. Arrange with the child what kind of punishment he must accept if he makes another mistake.
2. Critical words should be communicated skillfully. Teacher
is willing to criticize our children. We must be grateful and not always anxious and furious. This will create a deep emotional backlog, which will cause emotional outbursts over time. As parents, we are adults, we have to bear such pressure. When is conveyed to children, it must be selective and skillful. It cannot be conveyed in a straightforward manner. To a large extent, it cannot solve the problem and arouse children's disgust and dislike of the teacher. The child hates the subject taught by the teacher because he hates the teacher. As a parent, must first analyze the key information expressed in the teacher’s criticism, understand which areas of the child are defective or have problems, and then provide targeted assistance to encourage the child to correct it.
3. Keep the chance question in mind and observe it secretly, but don't communicate it temporarily.
is like the bedwetting problem mentioned above. After parents learn the information from the teacher, they can observe in secret to see if their children wet the bed at home. If this behavior is also common, then it is not to criticize or train. Seek medical attention and seek professional help. If it is accidental, then laugh it off. If your child reports such distress to yourself, you might as well make fun of yourself and tell your child that it is not a big problem that you have wetted the bed when you were young. If your child's heart is open, it will gradually stop accounting for this matter. Just like my daughter used to go to the toilet when she slept, and she was afraid of bedwetting. I joked that it was okay. My father had urinated in bed several times when he was young, and was spanked by your grandma. The child gradually became less nervous about this matter, and did not go to the bathroom deliberately before going to bed.
