We are always very polite to strangers, respectful, too harsh with the closest people, and get angry at will. This result is a little bit of loss of family affection, and finally the relatives become strangers. With the development of the Internet, this kind of low EQ is replaced by cyber violence, where every word of disagreement will be evil.
What’s interesting is that sometimes everyone is more like a gentleman who can tolerate what ordinary people can’t stand. Unless the other person is his own relatives and friends, then it’s only a little bit. It is a docile sheep, why is there such a big gap? Distorted history believes that this is a manifestation of low emotional intelligence.
This kind of low EQ is everywhere. The premise is that our subconscious mind automatically judges whether the environment we are in is safe. If it is a stranger, the environment may not be safe. The brain will try to be as calm as possible. Conflict can tolerate responsibility. If the opponent is an acquaintance, then he is not straightforward and strong. Whether it is behavior or language communication, it is full of violence.
Obviously, we are not incapable of communicating or being polite. The biggest problem is ignoring the feelings of others, and deliberately acting in a circle of acquaintances and giving in between strangers. This is congenital. The prerequisite for self-protection behavior is based on your own safety. It is a pity that you may not be safe like this. Blindly forbearing may not be able to exchange the respect of strangers, and being brave to acquaintances will not allow friends and relatives to endure your bad words repeatedly. The end result of
is that acquaintances become passers-by, and strangers have to make an inch. The failure of many people is where they fail. The self-righteous consciousness, uncontrolled thinking and low emotional intelligence language ultimately destroy all of a person. This person becomes impulsive, irritable, uncomfortable, slowly withdrawn, extreme, and sinks into Infinite loop.
almost everyone has this situation, but the advantages are better controlled, that is, high emotional intelligence, strong self-control ability, and some low emotional intelligence, weak self-control ability. The bad words are due to our lack of patience in speaking and communication. Therefore, simple communication is often full of verbal violence. Once this violence occurs, it will stab each other like a sting, sometimes causing irreparable losses.
Since language violence can cause trouble and communication barriers to my communication, is there any non-violent communication method? How to calm down your thinking, let you face each other in a sensible, friendly mood, self-digest negative emotions, or put yourself in the position of the other side to communicate, I believe this atmosphere will be much better. The simplest example of
is the scene of parents and children, especially grumpy parents and young rebellious children. This pair is a natural enemy. Both sides will not give in to each other because of misjudgment of the situation. The result of the quarrel is A fat beating is over, the child is injured, and the parents are furious. However, the problem has not changed. What should I do?
Parents don’t necessarily want to hit their children. They don’t necessarily want to appear kind and kind. Children also want to appear as sensible. As a result, they all run in opposite directions, leading to a worsening and growing gap between the two parties. The reason is that they do not know how to communicate or directly implement cold and violent communication. Both parents and children are hurt by such violent communication, and there is no winner.
, as parents, should demonstrate and guide their children how to communicate correctly. They should be a good demonstration, not the worst demonstration. First, there are unqualified parents before unqualified children! They don’t know that non-violent communication is an effective way to solve problems, or that they don’t know how to communicate non-violently. They don’t know that both parties can be honest about their true inner thoughts, win each other’s approval and support, and create a good communication for their children and families. surroundings.
The root of violent communication is that our inner peace has been destroyed and our psychological insecurity, so we use violence to control violence, use violent communication to maintain and seek inner peace, so that the inner peace obtained by violence against violence is short-lived. False prosperity, this will bring many problems. This phenomenon is a natural response of human beings. Observing children, even if they can only learn words, if they feel threatened, they will try to stop the other party in anger or even violence. This has nothing to do with age, even if the strength is weak. People also have this tendency, because they are born and sometimes can't help themselves, but the violence and anger at this time will only cause trouble.
Since violent communication can cause such trouble, how can we eliminate violent communication, or non-violent communication? In the last century, some people put forward the concept of non-violent communication, which can guide us in normal interpersonal and communication, use love to resolve inner wounds, communicate with others with heart and kindness, achieve a multiplier effect, and bring enough to ourselves the benefits of. How does
communicate nonviolently? I believe that many people will have black question marks, what non-violent communication, I have only heard of the non-violent non-cooperative movement of Mahatma Gandhi in India! The so-called non-violent communication is the Chinese translation of the term Nonviolent Communication (abbreviated as NVC), also known as the language of love and the language of giraffes. It is also a kind and friendly way of communication. This concept was discovered and put forward by Dr. Marshall Luxemburg. He found the source of violent communication with children through his own methods, often in small details, such as parents' words. Interruption, over-speaking, self-righteousness, etc. may bring instability to children. They use violent communication methods for self-protection, or parents cannot calm self-irritation and violently confront their children. In the end, the situation is out of control.
fundamentally helps children and parents to solve the communication problem that is non-violent communication. In normal times, we eliminate some small details that easily make the other party feel uneasy, put ourselves on the ground, and slowly heal the pain in our hearts caused by violent communication. Use caring and friendly language to communicate, build a sound mind and correct emotional system, digest negative emotions, and ease tension in interpersonal relationships. In turn, it brings convenience and improvement to our lives. The core of
non-violent communication is to go deep into one's heart, pay attention to the inner voice, and the inner needs. It can also help us accept the imperfect self and the imperfect counterpart. Jin Wu is barefoot, no one is perfect, fully discovering the strengths of the other party, not blindly sarcastic, but also understanding his strengths and weaknesses, and gradually changing himself, in order to achieve the requirements of efficient communication.
After Marshall Luxemburg proposed non-violent communication, it became very popular. It was later compiled into a book called "Nonviolent Communication". Because of this work, Dr. Marshall Luxemburg’s outstanding achievements in promoting harmonious coexistence of human beings, in 2006 he Won the Bridge of Peace Award from the Global Village Foundation. This book provides specific techniques to help others connect and make friendship and mutual assistance a reality. Improve communication efficiency, suitable for people of all ages to read.
