Sisters have a good weekend. Z2z
My sister's intimate column will meet you again~
In this issue, we will share with you
"How to be a good enough mother"
Before entering the topic
Let’s do a little test
Test
A two-year-old child who is going to climb a staircase. Parents often have three reactions when they see it:
A, leave him alone, let him climb.
B, stop drinking immediately, or take the child down and tell him this is dangerous.
C, walked behind him, watched him crawl by himself, to ensure his safety. Sisters
If you were the parent of your child
, which way would you choose? Z2z
Min sister chose C, did
choose the same option as Min sister
?
Today we will start with this example to discuss "how to be a good enough mother".
Psychologist Winnicott proposed a concept-Good Enough Mother. Many people will understand it as a 100-point good mother because of the translation, but in fact they want to be a Good Enough Mother. A good mother with 100 points will not only make her mother very tired, but also make her child lose the opportunity to explore and face setbacks and become an "eternal teenager". The correct understanding of a good enough mother is to be a mother with 60 points, 60 points is enough.
Back to the above example, the
A method is believed to be undesirable by most people, and
is dangerous.
We focus on B and C! Compared with C, children who are trained in the
B method will be taken to the counseling room more often, and will be more rebellious, depressed, and less resistant to frustration than C. Such a restrained child is full of rebellion in his heart, and this rebellion will be expressed sooner or later (often in adolescence). When the child is rebellious and disobedient, the parent becomes anxious and thinks the child has a problem, so the child is sent for psychological counseling. A real case of
A first-year child told the counselor that I am so hot every day and I have to wear a lot of clothes. The counselor asked him: Why don’t you take off some clothes if it’s hot? The child replied: Grandpa is afraid that I will not let me take it off, so I can’t take it off. I hope to cover up the prickly heat or get sick from wearing too much so that I don’t have to wear so many clothes. Case analysis of
: can be seen from this case: when children have difficulty expressing or satisfying their needs, they tend to express them in the form of symptoms. Symptoms are various, and understanding the reasons behind it is sometimes more important than solving the symptoms. The grandfather in this case is worried about the child catching a cold, and the parent in the previous case is worried that the child is dangerous to climb the stairs, both belong to method B.
Let’s discuss Method C.
60 points Mom will not help the child all the time, but will watch him silently, and help him solve the difficulties when he is facing difficult problems or even desperate (the child is still young) The difficulties encountered at the time are nothing for adults). Such children will encounter many difficulties in the process of growing up and most of them can be solved by themselves. This not only cultivates the ability to solve problems, but also internalizes an all-round mother who is always watching her: all difficulties will be solved, It will pass, because my mother is not far from me, and she has cultivated the ability to deal with setbacks.
So, when you see that your child is going to do something that
is challenging for him,
will watch him silently behind him,
make sure he is safe,
, your gaze and protection will be internalized. In his heart,
might forget such a scene
, but the feeling of being guarded
will accompany him to face all the difficulties of life.
Today, did you score 60 points? See you in the next issue of
~
△Consultant introduction
Applied Psychology
National Second-level Psychological Counselor
2019 Fujian Province Excellent Psychological Counselor
Fujian Provincial Heart Association Fujian-Taiwan Exchange Committee Deputy Secretary-General
△ Good at leadingDomain
personal growth, interpersonal relationship, youth problems,
marriage and love, group counseling
