Today’s Women’s Newspaper Parent-Child Column-Wisdom's Notes, Welcome to the smart parents who have the idea to contribute to us, once the contribution is adopted, [email protected]
文/西贝
Son "Little Fist" was born, from a baby in a baby to a little kid in kindergarten. My love and I have reached a consensus. At this stage, we don't insist on learning knowledge, but only focus on growing our body and building character. For his living habits, it is more to say "you have to be a good obedient child, you have to do this, you can't do this...".
At first, he was very obedient. He would do whatever we taught, but as he grew up, he didn’t know whether he was against us deliberately or unintentionally. He would dare to do what he wanted. When he warned him not to do anything, he would deliberately try, seeming to test our reaction.
This has troubled me for a long time. Why do children gradually disobey the parents' verbal teaching when they grow up? Did he start to rebel when he was only three years old? Later, after I read an interview with Yang Lan about family education, I seemed to have found the answer.
01
Yang Lan said that she also encountered the troubles of how children are addicted to the Internet.
But she does not agree that in order to reduce children's contact with electronic products, all the TVs, computers and other products at home should be eliminated and artificially isolated.
"This will greatly affect the children's social interaction in the class." Yang Lan said, the result of this is that when the children in the class are talking about a certain cartoon and a game they are keen to watch, the child There is nothing to say.
Yang Lan recalled that as children entered school, more and more contact with the Internet, almost all of the school Homework must be done online, and they often watch some favorite cartoons and movies through the Internet and chat with classmates. Seeing the child sitting in front of the computer, she also began to panic, but she understood that if she constantly asked her what she was doing, she would not trust her.
Finally, Yang Lan reached a "deal" with the children: considering all aspects of eye protection, physical development, cervical spine growth, and learning, Do not go online to see useless things from Monday to Friday. Play games; only one hour a day on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. The children agreed.
Now that the discussion is complete, Yang Lan fully respects their choice. Seeing the child staying in front of the computer, although she wanted to know what he was doing, Yang Lan said to herself: "Don't ask him, he must be doing homework."
02
In life, it is inevitable for couples to quarrel. How to reduce the harm of this kind of quarrel to children? Yang Lan also shared her own experience.
Once, Yang Lan had a very violent conflict with her husband, which scared the child. After the mood stabilized a little bit, both Yang Lan and her husband realized that they had done a terrible thing just now. They came to the child’s room, knelt on the ground with one leg, and said to the child from a completely head-up angle: "Mum and Dad did a very wrong thing just now. We quarreled like that in front of you and used very indecent language. , We want to tell you that adults sometimes do stupid things. For example, what we did just now is stupid. We both sincerely apologize to you. Please forgive us. First, Mom and Dad are each other We still love each other; secondly, we don’t want you to be frightened or hurt in any way."
杨澜一家
杨澜Recall that the child accepted their apology at the time. Yang Lan also reminded parents,Try to control your emotions in front of your children.
Nowadays, there are some anxious mothers in the society, and some even yell at their children hysterically. Yang Lan felt that this was "a very bad example." Yang Lan said that such a mother let her very negative things vent completely unrestrainedly. Although she may temporarily suppress her child at the time, her child will express her emotions in the same way in the future, whether it is towards friends or Colleagues, or treating their own children, may fall into a subconscious habit. This is a very terrible "hereditary".
Yang Lan especially emphasizes the mother's emotional management ability, because the mother usually spends more time with the child, and her emotions are like air around and even inside the child! Her nervousness, anxiety, and irritability all hurt the child first.
"To cultivate happy children, mothers must first be happy.
03
In children Yang Lan did not one-sidedly pursue the art of being tall, but as much as possible to let the children “choose” what they are good at. At the beginning, she arranged for her children to learn to play the piano together. Unexpectedly, they were in the same family. However, the situation of the son and the daughter are quite different: the son lost interest in learning for less than a year and retired; the daughter
was not "influenced" by her brother at all, and she fell in love with the piano from the beginning. He asked for more playing and more practice, no urging by others.
Later, his son liked to draw and draw cartoons. Yang Lan not only did not interfere, but also encouraged him with actions, and hung his son’s cartoon in the office. Introduce to colleagues and friends that this is the work of the son who is a student.
In Yang Lan's view, the child is Born by parents, but not for their parents.
When children grow up, they will have the lifestyle they should have. As a parent, the biggest task is not to cultivate children to become successful people, but Cultivate children’s healthy personality and way of thinking.
A mother should observe the child’s potential and talents. What we do is to lay a good foundation for the child. As for what the child will do in the future, we cannot design it.
Teachers of Chinese and mathematics can teach them, but how to face setbacks, how to face jealousy, and how to better integrate into the unfamiliar environment in society requires mothers to teach him. Physical and mental health is the most important thing. At least, it’s the most important thing.
At this moment, I understood that while we extravagantly hope that the child will grow up, we ignore a key word: true.
The truth of the child shows that he is a real individual . When he feels hungry, it is no longer crying, but when he is looking for food by himself or his parents to eat, it shows that he has his own consciousness and is gradually trying to solve the problem he is facing. The parents' request is no longer just simply obeying or crying and resisting, but when they start to consciously tempt, it shows that he has the consciousness to seek change. At this time, the consciousness we try to impose on him may no longer work. .
Since we deliberately impose our own consciousness on the child, the effect will be counterproductive. It is better to let him feel the reality of society and let him think when he has autonomous consciousness. We give a little guidance and let him discover the truth, goodness and beauty in the world by himself, which is the right direction.
