Hello everyone, I am Piaoling Parenting.
I have been dealing with my children for so many years, and although I have accumulated a lot of experience, I still have a lot of worries. For example, sometimes I make demands on my child, but the child does not execute it and even fights against me.
I always thought that the child was disobedient and ignorant. Later I gradually realized that this was not the case.
Sometimes, when our requirements are unreasonable, the children will not cooperate well.
is still complaining about the child’s refusal to cooperate. Maybe it’s because the parents’ requirements are unreasonable, so parents should not ignore them.
Appointment with friends on the weekend, we took the children with us to the park to pick up fallen leaves and enjoy the autumn scenery.
At the entrance of the park, the little boy from a friend's house entered the park, regardless of whether his mother was locking the electric car.
"Lele, run slowly." the friend shouted.
Lele stopped, and my friend quickly locked the car and went to chase Lele.
My friend caught up with his son and immediately criticized him, not to run around, and to wait for his mother.
But the boy just turned around, looked up at his mother with his head, and then ran forward.
My friend was angry, Lele, come back soon, don’t run around, otherwise I won’t take you out next time.
friend said helplessly, this child is too naughty.
Lele ignored his mother's words. They have been to this park many times, and the seven-year-old Lele is already very familiar with it. Every time I go to this park, Lele likes to run around happily, but his mother is not at ease with him, so she always follows him step by step.
Lele doesn't like his mother like this. He feels that his mother's request is unreasonable, so he openly disobeys his mother's orders.
The mother and son had a power struggle, and Lele won.
The mother did not give any reason not to let Lele run around, but was more showing her desire to control her child.
When the son is disobedient, the mother continues to use language as a weapon and threatens not to bring his son out next time. The son knows very well that the mother is just scaring him and will not take him out.
Many parents, like my friend, complain that their children are disobedient.
In fact, they didn’t realize that sometimes, their requirements were unreasonable first, so don’t expect their children to be obedient.
First talk about the reasonable requirements, 's recognition and respect for the children and the situation at that time.
For example, if Lele did not do what her mother said, then this requirement may be unreasonable. The mother is trying to control the child.
This can easily cause power disputes.
When the mother asked Lele, she did not realize that she and her child were actually equal, but she placed herself in a superior position and ordered the child.
When children feel forced or commanded, they usually disagree, and they will resist or retaliate.
I remember when my baby was seven or eight years old, I was keen to cultivate her habit of doing housework, but it was not easy.
Once, I asked for help to buy a bag of salt, but she seemed to pretend that she didn't get me and continued to do something in her room.
waited for a few minutes, and I said it again, but Dabao still had no reaction.
I was angry, and I walked to her room angrily and questioned her, is it difficult to ask her to help you spend a few minutes to buy something?
She was very calm and said she didn't want to go, and she was fascinated by reading books.
I had nowhere to vent my anger, so I criticized her. Naturally, Dabao was not convinced and had a fight with me.
I believe many parents also have the same troubles as me. They want to train their children to do housework, but the children do not cooperate and turn a deaf ear to their mother's requests, which makes them unhappy and quarrel with their children.
It is true that doing housework is one of the obligations of children, and buying things is also included. However, doing housework must be approved by the child and become a habit in order not to cause the child's disgust.
It was only after I had a lot of quarrels with Dabao that I found a way to accept housework for both Dabao and I.
Let’s make a plan together, which will not disturb Dabao’s study and play time, but will also allow her to do some housework and contribute to the family.
. When I ask, I also pay attention to the way of speaking. For example, I would ask, when we go shopping in the supermarket at night, what time do you want to go there?
If she asks for a specific time, I will continue to ask her if I need to call her at that time. I continued to let Dabao decide for himself. Asking questions like
gave Dabao the freedom to make decisions, rather than ordering her. For her, such a requirement is reasonable, and after she completes the task, she also feels a sense of accomplishment.
More importantly, we don’t have to argue about it.
Most parents want to work hard with their children instead of having disputes.
So, before we make a request, it is best to consider the situation at that time and pay attention to whether our requirements are reasonable. Children are sensitive and we cannot ask them to do unwilling things.
When we complain that our children are unwilling to cooperate, maybe we should think about whether our requirements are reasonable and can the children accept it?
When we think like this, maybe things will be easy to solve.
