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Speaking of habits, many parents can't help but shake their heads and sigh: "Oh, my children just haven't developed good habits; it's really worrying!"
I really understand the collapse of parents who have not developed good habits.
Without good work and rest habits, children tend to wake up in the morning and don't want to sleep at night;
Without good living habits, children tend to be free and loose, doing whatever they want, without clear pursuits and goals;
Without good study habits, children will make all kinds of mischief in their studies, making the home full of chaos all the time. Of course, it is not easy to achieve success in terms of grades.
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If you want your children to develop good habits, some parents can't help but talk about it every day. It seems that if they talk too much, their children will listen. In fact, do children really listen? Of course not! Even if you talk too much, your children will run away and become rebellious!
Some parents can't help but get angry and want to "use force" to adjust their children. In fact, can children be adjusted? Of course not, and children who are always spanked will have countless disadvantages in their growth, and there will always be times when parents cannot stop spanking.
Some parents want to be moved by emotion and reason, but they are always unable to truly get into their children's hearts and thus cannot empathize, turning the emotional resonance into wishful thinking.
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In fact, if you want to cultivate good habits in children, the correct way is the eight-character policy : "Follow nature and promote appropriately." Conforming to nature is the basis of parents' mentality; proper promotion is the principle and specific practice of parents.
1. Go with nature, don’t force your children too much on details, and don’t impose your will on your children.
To develop good habits, the focus is on "nurture", and "nurture" is based on the child's compliance with nature. Because there may seem to be many good habits, but they are often more formal and ideological.
For example, we all say that "early to bed and early to rise" is a good habit, but how early to get up is considered early? Some children are forced to wake up in the morning, but it takes them a day or half a day to wake themselves up, or they constantly struggle with drowsiness. Is getting up early necessarily a good habit for this child?
Therefore, as long as the child develops healthily and naturally, then he is developing his own habits. At this time, parents should be more tolerant and trustful of their children, but should not over-instruct them, let alone interfere everywhere, so that their children have the opportunity to feel success or failure, so that they can adjust themselves in a more targeted manner.
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2. If you want to train children to have a certain good habit, praise is more effective than criticism and definitely more effective than punishment.
Don't let your child feel the frustration of being "denied" all the time, but let him experience a sense of accomplishment and honor. Therefore, as parents, we should always express our joy and appreciation, so that our children can feel the recognition and affirmation from their parents, so that they can have good emotions.
Because good emotions can make everything go in the direction of a virtuous circle, while bad emotions can only make things fall into a vicious cycle.
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In addition, children are easily affected by "suggestions". This kind of "hint" is often the recognition and affirmation shown by the parents inadvertently. Perhaps this hint is the parent's "deliberate intention" but is deliberately shown inadvertently in front of the children.
For example, parents can praise their children for a certain behavior or approach in an environment where they "think their children don't know", so that their children can feel their parents' approval from another perspective. If the child does something wrong in some aspects, parents can also use this method to remind the child in disguise, encourage the child, and give the child some good ways to change.
Some parents are used to saying all kinds of bad things about their children in front of others, completely ignoring the helplessness, embarrassment or embarrassment shown by the children next to them. This will only make the child more and more afraid of interacting with others and even more rebellious.
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3. When children develop some bad habits, parents should first reflect on themselves.
In the words and deeds of parents to their children, teaching by example can bring children more intuitive feelings.
So, behind almost all slow-moving children, there is an anxious and quick-moving parent;
Behind all children who don’t like to eat, there is a parent who likes to feed spoonfuls of food into their children’s mouths;
Behind all children who study unconsciously, there is a parent who cares too much about homework and scores...
If parents use some of their own bad habits to confront their children, then the children can only be passively affected and continue to be children with problems and no good habits.
Therefore, if parents want to cultivate good habits in their children, they must first examine themselves to see if they have bad habits.
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When parents express love and trust to their children, they should first respect their children as an independent individual and their unique growth trajectory, instead of always wanting to interfere with or transform their children.
The ancients said, "Things that are done without action are taught without words." This is actually a very good education method and the cornerstone of helping children develop good habits! #Winter life check-in season#
