Have you ever had this experience: Because your child wants to eat cake, but there is none at home, he starts to cry. At first, you put down what you were doing to appease her, but the appeasement had no effect and the child continued to cry. Then, you started to get angry, be aggressive with her, or even hit her?
While doing homework today, I gained a new understanding of the issue of anger when raising children, so I decided to write it down and share it with everyone.
1. A child cries because a certain need is not met.
Crying, in other words, is sad. When we have a need, we want to satisfy it. If we cannot satisfy it, we will be sad, and so will our children. The difference is that as adults, when we are sad, we will not express it directly by crying. After all, crying is too childish. Even if we are sad, we do not want to cry easily and be considered childish.
But children are different, especially those under 3 years old. One of his favorite ways of expression is to cry. You can literally say "he starts crying when he disagrees".
I want to eat something, but I can’t eat it now, cry
I want to watch a certain TV show, but it’s not available now, cry
I want to buy a certain toy, but my mother won’t buy it, cry
In short, crying is a common behavior of children, and comforting a crying child is something every parent needs to face.
2. The child is quickly comforted, making us feel good about ourselves.
Xiao Yi wanted to go somewhere to play. He made this request for two consecutive days and asked again at noon today. Because it was approaching 11 o'clock, my mother had to cook, so she explained to him, "We won't go now. We will wait for the meal and take a break to pick up my sister."
Usually, when things don't develop as he expected, Xiao Yi would make a fuss, but this time, Xiao Yi quickly agreed. The mother's face was full of smiles and she was very satisfied. She held Xiao Yi's face and kissed her, and said from the bottom of her heart, "Baby, you are so good."
Sometimes, when we appease the child, the effect will be achieved soon, just as we expected. We will feel from the bottom of our hearts that the child is so good, and we may even say words like "Baby, you are so good" or "Baby, you are so good" to the child.
At this time, we praise our children without hesitation because: the fact that you were comforted so quickly shows that my comfort is effective and that I am great, and this makes us feel very good about ourselves.
3. Children crying for a long time can make us angry or even furious.
Another situation is that the child is difficult to comfort, and even no matter how he is comforted, it is useless.
7-year-old sister was still not asleep after lying under the quilt for half an hour during her lunch break, so she got up and prepared to do something she wanted to do. My 2-year-old sister noticed it and asked to get up too. But her mother felt that she was still young and needed a nap, so she said to her, "Sister can go out, but you have to sleep here."
Because my sister's idea was not recognized, and her mother didn't seem prepared to dress her, she started to cry.
Seeing that my sister was very insistent, my mother had no choice but to sit up and dress her, and said, "Okay, okay, come on, let me dress you, and then go out."
However, after putting on one piece of clothing, my sister was still crying, and her voice did not become softer, as if she was accusing her mother. Mom began to become impatient, "Okay, stop crying, I am dressing you."
No, continue to cry. My mother became angry and asked loudly, "Can you stop crying? Can you stop crying?"
I believe that the vast majority of parents have this experience. Although I want to be a loving parent, I still can't help but get angry when my child cries.
4. Feeling good or bad is all because of narcissism.
When a child cries, we go to comfort him. Subconsciously, we have this thought, "I will comfort you, and you should stop crying."
Only in this way can I show that I am great and a good father or mother. And subconsciously, we really feel that we are a good father or mother.
But if I reassure you, again and again, you don't stop. That only shows that I am not as powerful as I thought, and I have not become a good father or mother. Subconscious thoughts will appear, "I am so incompetent."
We all want to be very capable people, even omnipotent people, so this feeling of "incompetence" makes us particularly impatient. If we are not aware of it, it will turn into behavior, such as being aggressive and hitting children, just to make the children quiet immediately so that we can feel better.
It's useless if you are angry. Some parents just turn around and leave to change the environment to alleviate the bad feeling.
5 Summary
has a saying: "Seeing is healing." The same is true in the process of raising children. Once we see clearly how our emotions arise, then at the moment we see it, our emotions can be liberated, and then we also have new behavioral choices.
hopes that we can see more when our children cry, so that we can have more choices and better support our children.
