"We are all human beings. When we jump out of our box and treat others as human beings, we will have a very natural idea, that is, we will regard others as people like us. They will also have expectations and fears, need to be understood and taken care of. So in a certain situation, we will want to do something for others - we can help them, share some worries for them, and do things for them to do."
In the park, an old man took his five-year-old grandson for a walk by the river. At this time, the child saw a colorful kite selling in front of him, so he broke away from his hand and ran towards the kite, but because the road was slippery and slippery, he accidentally fell heavily. He cried because of the pain. In order to comfort him, the old man loudly patted the place where he fell just now and said that it was all bad, which made our baby fall down. Finally, he stomped his feet and stepped on him.
Seeing this scene, he suddenly thought of this book "Don't Find a Surrogate". During the growth stage of a child, he knew that there was always a reason to shirk it. He grew up in a self-deception environment, so that when he became an adult one day, could he understand the three words "responsibility".
This book is a reference book from the American Abinzer Association to solve the deepest self-deception in human hearts. The book brings us profound thoughts by showing the work and life of Tom, a worker.
1. Learn to reflect on yourself
The boss Bud's series of questions about Tom confused Tom. He didn't know what his boss wanted to express, so Tom worked silently to pursue the answers he asked for. However, as Bud and Tom talked deeply, Tom's efforts only moved himself, self-deception and paralysis did not have much effect.
Bard said that self-deception is in the box, and how to get out of the box is the problem to face. Later, in the conversation between Tom and Lou, Tom began to reflect and find the answer to the problem. At work, he always defended himself, resisted others, and made various efforts for his mistakes...
In life, aren't we the same as Tom, accepting help from others, so that others complained afterwards; being late for work or class, he blurted out all kinds of excuses, but he understood that he was just getting up late; when there was a problem with the plan, he always said that others had not communicated or improved, and he understood that he was just not discovering the mistakes in time... In the final analysis, we just did not learn to reflect at all times, did not examine our hearts, and stayed in the box of self-deception forever.
2. Liberate the self-defense
There is a clip in the book about a doctor looking for the cause of maternal death. Among every ten maternal mothers in the hospital, one of them died because of " puerperal fever ", so the mother would rather have a child on the street than go to the hospital to have a child. However, the maternal mortality rate in other hospitals was not high when midwives helped give birth to children. The doctor finally found that the cause of the increase in maternal mortality was the doctor himself, because in the mid-19th century, doctors not only had to take care of patients, but also had to deal with the corpse. Therefore, they brought the bacteria of the corpse to the corpse. Later, he asked every doctor who came into contact with the fertile mother to wash his hands with bleach before contacting, so the maternal mortality rate was significantly reduced.
I remember that when the epidemic broke out, I stayed alone in a strange city, unable to go home or go out. Every day, I looked at the growing data and the cold streets outside the window, as if I was abandoned by the world, and I felt uneasy. Even if I worked online every day, I was in no state. So there were always big and small mistakes at work, and there were all kinds of reasons to shirk them. I complained about the anger of the epidemic, but I didn’t look for the real cause of the problem.
Later, I turned on the desk lamp, looked at the ceiling, and thought about all my negative emotions. These emotions were like difficulties and were not released. So I calmed down, read the book, and began to learn to reexamine. Don't look for other people's boxes, look for your own; don't complain that others are in the box, try to keep yourself outside the box; when you find that you have been in the box, don't deny it, learn to apologize, and then move on, don't focus on the wrong things others have done, focus on what you can do right.
3. Think outside the box.
Try to recall whether inefficient communication at work has led to discord among colleagues and the inability to advance work; insufficient care and consideration for family members or poor communication As a result, family relationships are often tense... Most of the problems in work and life are caused by the influence of thinking patterns such as "self-deception", "self-betrayal" and "self-justification", but we are not aware of it all the time.
The Russian writer Chekhov once wrote a short story "The Man in the Box". In the novel, he created the image of a trapped man-Belikov who sticks to the rules, sticks to the past, is afraid of change, cannot keep up with the times, and hinders social change.
Belikov represents a person who lived in a condom during the Russian Tsarist era. No matter in life or work, he created the largest and most solid condom for himself. He had feudal and ignorant thoughts. People around him did not want to stay with Belikov because they felt uncomfortable around him.
However, he himself had no awareness of the behavior he was trapped in and affecting others, so he lived a life of self-reliance and a walking zombie that hindered the development of the times.
Are we, like the man in the trap, Belikov, trapped in an inherently self-deceptive thinking box that limits ourselves and blackmails others? Being in the box of self-deception and self-betrayal cannot solve the problems that occur in life and work at all, resulting in our inability to effectively get out of the thinking box that constrains us and make the wisest decisions.
In short, instead of being trapped in the box of thinking, complaining about everything, and looking for scapegoats for our actions, we should re-examine our own hearts, look at life and work from a new perspective, improve our inner shortcomings, and truly get out of the thinking box.
