Author/Xiaozhi
50 years old is another hurdle in life.
Generally speaking, when children grow up and become adults, they have generally entered social work, especially when there is more than one child. Parents' attitude towards their children determines their later years to a certain extent.
If parents cannot understand the interests and think that when their children grow up, they can still face them purely with the attitude of their childhood, that would be a big mistake.
No relationship can remain unchanged, and family affection is no exception, deliberate maintenance is essential.
tells a real example.
I have a relative in my family, who is 72 years old this year. She has 3 children, 2 daughters and one son. Now there have been many conflicts due to some issues in elderly care. The relationship between her three children has gradually reached the point where the relationship is irreconcilable.
What she hopes is that her son is responsible for the elderly, but her son is unwilling to take responsibility alone, so she lets her mother find her elder sister. Her elder sister made an excuse and said that her mother-in-law would not agree. Her younger brother did this on purpose and did not think about her well.
In fact, the relationship between her three children was good in the past, especially before getting married. She was generally a warm big family. Later, after they all started getting married, the relationship gradually became rifts. The direct reason for the cracks in
is that she, as a mother, is too biased.
At that time, this relative was in his 50s and could still make money with her husband, but most of the money she earned was subsidized to her eldest daughter.
Why subsidy? Because children who can cry have candy to eat.
The eldest daughter of this relative often goes back to her parents' home to complain after marriage, and then the mother thinks that her daughter is very hard and should help her, so she pays all kinds of money. The eldest daughter gets more money from marriage dowry than dowry, and is responsible for decorating a new house. The eldest daughter's child's milk powder diapers are also responsible for the money. The eldest daughter's child signs up for various specialty classes, but they pay for the money. They pay for the car. The house originally said that she borrowed 80,000 yuan, but in the end she didn't pay it back.
also has some small expenses in daily life. As long as her eldest daughter is short of money, she will go back to her parents' home to cry for poverty.
Since childhood, her eldest daughter has this personality. The other two children are relatively quiet and do not talk to their parents, so her bias has always existed.
But the eldest daughter of this relative got married first. Before the two children were married, no one said anything, let alone anything.
But after they got married, they were obviously dissatisfied.
However, although they were dissatisfied, the other two children were kind-hearted and reasonable. They were of the kind of personality that would report good news and not bad news in front of their parents. They would not complain if they were tired at work and went home. Therefore, they ignored these things and thought that these two children did not need to care, only the eldest daughter needed them.
But as time goes by, the other two children are becoming more and more dissatisfied, saying that the eldest sister is getting more and more arrogant, and her mother is too partial. As a mother, she only thinks: Your sister works so hard, what's wrong with me helping me?
Her youngest son even said bluntly that the mother spent too much money on her elder sister than me.
As a son, he lived with his parents after marriage, and did not buy a house alone or a car. After marriage, he was responsible for all the expenses of his children and never used a penny for his parents.
He thinks he doesn't need it because he doesn't want to rely on his parents. They are saving money to buy a house by themselves, and the mother just keeps the money for him to support his elderly care.
But this relative, she basically gave the money to the boss alone, and her second daughter had never used their money.
She herself did not realize her bias and only thought she was helping her daughter who was not doing well. But in fact, from an outsider's standpoint, the eldest daughter of this relative was the best among her three children. She had multiple houses and two cars, and had deposits. She just complained, so she made her magnificently difficult.
In fact, who is easy to make money?
starts from here, and there is a disagreement between the three children, and even quarrels slowly.
After the quarrel, the eldest daughter would still cry to her mother like before, saying that her younger brother and sister couldn't stand her having a car room. The relative thought it was wrong for the other two children, and she helped the eldest daughter and criticized the other two children, saying that they should not be jealous of her sister.
In this way, how can the relationship between children be good?
The cause and effect of her unhappy later in life was destined as early as in her 50s. When the child was completely grown up, many hidden dangers were laid.
As expected, when she got old, she still hoped that her son could take care of her.
But her son believes that the elder sister should take care of her, after all, she gets the most benefits. Her eldest daughter was unwilling to agree to her husband's attitude considering her marriage.
In any relationship, you are basically not worried about lack of liabilities but unevenness. As a parent, you can not leave more things for your children, nor do you say you should serve them completely in one bowl, but you really can't be too biased.
The word "partial" is a powerful means to influence family harmony.
people all have a certain degree of comparison and jealousy. Everyone has the same relationship, but the things they get are very different. Different emotions will inevitably arise in their hearts. The more affection arises, the more you should pay attention to this point.
Otherwise, no matter how good the relationship between brothers and sisters is, they can slowly become estranged due to bias in real life.
The same situation, I have seen more than this.
Therefore, as parents, you must pay attention to this point. When your child grows up, you don’t need to make too much financial distribution in each child, but you must basically balance it. You cannot use your own money to subsidize a certain child for a long time, or only help a certain child. In your opinion, this is what you should do as a parent, but from the perspective of your child, you only feel unfair.
I hope you can understand this truth as soon as possible and not leave hidden dangers in your old age. It is too late to regret it.
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