The power of the language is very powerful, and it is not an exaggeration to say that it has the ability to change a person's life. Indeed, language can make people glory, and it can also make a person decadent.
However, many parents do not realize how powerful the language is, and still maintain the idea of "everyone can say it", thinking that "language art" is a very "virtual" thing and has no real effect on parenting education.
In fact, language has a great impact on children. Parents use their mouths to to express love , then the child's future may be full of light and hope . However, if parents use their mouths to to express harm , then the child's future may be full of haze .
Xiaojia's childhood was not very happy. Her parents had a very disagreement, which led to a decline in the family, so Xiaojia's childhood was rarely happy.
When Xiaojia got married and had children, she was particularly worried that her children would suffer the same bad experience as her childhood, so she especially hoped to protect her children in her heart.
However, Xiaojia did not do a good job in teaching children because she had not experienced the correct tutoring.
Many times Xiaojia expects that their children can gain experience and memory to avoid greater harm in the future. However, Xiaojia does not know how to express , so often conveys anything to children in a strict tone.
For example, if the child makes the sofa and coffee table messy, Xiao Qiao will say angrily: "Look at you, you make your home like a garbage dump. I don't want to live here anymore. Do you like to live in the garbage dump every day?" In fact, Xiao Qiao hopes that the child can develop tidy and hygienic habits from an early age, so that he can live a better life.
For example, when it gets cold, the child only wears thin clothes. Xiaoqi will say after seeing it: "Don't you see how cold you are today. Do you want to get sick when wearing this? Are you a fool? Don't you know the hot and cold?"
In fact, Xiaoqi's original intention is to hope that the child can have a basic awareness of cold and warm, and enhance his own self-care ability. In this way, living in the school or living alone will reduce a lot of trouble in the future.
Another example is when the child is on weekends, does not do his homework first, but plays first. As a result, by Sunday night, Xiaojia will be very angry when he sees it: "Look at you, you know how to play, but you don't know how to study at all. Can you learn well like this? Can you get into a good school? Do you want to pick up rags for the rest of your life?"
But in fact, Xiaojia hopes that the child can recognize the importance of learning and have a better future.
Although these are all "kind words" of Xiaojiao's , because the expression method is wrong, the child is very disgusted.
Whenever you hear these words, the child is full of anger, but he is powerless to refute, and thus a lot of negative emotions arise in his heart.
For example, when Xiaojia's children make their homes messy, Xiaojia's words make the child feel aggrieved : "I'm not not cleaning up", "I'm playing, I can't play and clean up", "Can't you talk to me well?", "Don't you love me?", "Can't you teach me to clean up first? I can't clean up now"...
Under Xiaojia's sharp words, the child also undergoes subtle changes:
① The relationship between children and parents has begun to fade , and there are more and more rebellious phenomena. For example, children never refute their parents' words before, but then they habitually refute their parents' words, no matter whether they are right or wrong.
②The child's personality begins to become irritable .For example, when the child was playing with his classmates before, if the classmate did something wrong, the child always told the classmate what to do.
However, later children often scold their classmates at the top of their lungs, and then irritably ask "Can you do this?", "What do you think you are doing?", etc.
③The child starts to and becomes inferior and becomes "introvert". In the past, my children were always very sunny and would tell their parents what they wanted to do and would invite them to do whatever they wanted.
However, the children afterwards are always timid, dare not say anything, dare not do something, fearing that they will say something wrong, , which will cause mother to scold them.
Parents' mouths determine the future of their children
The power of language is powerful. Parents' mouths contain important energy for parenting. A good word can make children grow up quickly, and a bad word can also drive children into the abyss.
So, parents should understand that the language is not "virtual", it influences the future of children . Therefore, in our lives, we must pay attention to the correct use of language.
✔ Tone of abandoning commands
This tone actually originates from a kind of "unequal status" in the heart of parents. Parents think they are parents, so it is natural to use command tones to their children.
Indeed, parents can use command tone in some occasions, but this tone should not often appear in ordinary education.
✔Learn to communicate calmly
What is the relationship between children and parents? It is the closest relationship. The child fell from the mother. It can be said that there is no closer relationship in the world than this.
So, parents should understand that when educating their children, they are facing "relatives", not "enemies ". The other party should not be the object of your emotions, and you should not leave your irritability or excitement to your children.
✔ Clarify your purpose
When parents are ready to speak to their children, they must first think about what their purpose is. Generally speaking, parents scold their children because they want to "grow their hearts", "learn experience", "pay attention to safety", etc., and scold them, which does not have such an effect at all, will only cause the children to panic and be unclear.
Some parents said that they understand the truth, but they don’t know what to say specifically?
If you are also confused in this regard and don’t know how to use language to educate your children, then it is recommended that you read this book "Parents’ Speech in Non-Violent Communication".
This book is suitable for parents who have -18-year-old children to read. There are not many profound theories in the book, nor are they wrapped in gorgeous languages. Instead, they use real life scenes as examples to refer to helps parents to better bring it into it. analyzes the psychological activities of children in this scenario , and gives parents' grammar suggestions in this state, so that parents can learn and use it as they learn and use it as they want.
For example, the book mentions that parents meet their children scenes that don’t like to share . The book helps parents analyze and lets parents understand that children are unwilling to share because they are afraid of losing them.
If parents use to express incorrectly, "You have so many toys, why don't you give children one?" In this way, the children will not only be reluctant to share, but will also be angry with their parents, hates their parents.
If parents can Another way to say , for example, "Children like your toys very much, would you lend them to play with for a while? He will return it to you after playing for a while."Parents' speaking style helps children eliminate their concerns, and their children will naturally not resist sharing.
So, Parents' mouth has a great impact on their children . Everyone speaks warmly, and children can also feel it from it. Therefore, when parents communicate with their children, they must understand how is right and how to say it is wrong . Avoid the wrong way of speaking so that children can become better with positive language.
I have to say that this book is indeed a very practical "parenting helper". I have recommended it to many parents. Every parent said it after receiving it. If you don't know how to communicate with your children, I suggest you take a look.
Conclusion
Language is an art, and parents' language is the key to determining the future development of children. I hope that parents can treat their children well and make their children more sunny, positive and healthy.
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