How strong can a child’s self-esteem be? Maybe you can't imagine it at all!
There is a video that is both distressing and funny on the Internet: a little boy who is taking an online class was joked by the teacher that he has gained weight. The little boy suddenly burst into tears and cried while crying...
Source: @People's Daily Weibo, infringement and delete
Just like this video, we would think that this is a cuteness exclusive to human cubs at the beginning, and we would not even think that the little boy's excitement is actually caused by self-esteem.
We will take it for granted: "Just a small brat, what can he understand?"
is not the case! A related study from Emory University in the United States shows that children can realize what others think of him before they can say the complete sentence, and their self-esteem begins to sprout.
Children's self-esteem is the most sensitive corner in their hearts, and it will also become the decisive force for the future development of children.
Psychological therapy master Scott Pike said: "High self-esteem must be cultivated from childhood, and remediation after adulthood often results with half the result with twice the effort." What can hurt children's hearts are often the parents' unintentional behavior and words.
The following four behaviors hurt the child’s self-esteem the most, and bring considerable damage to family education , parent-child relationship, and the child’s own personality and development. If it is not repaired in time, the child will suffer endless troubles when he grows up. Come and check if he has any problems.
Behavior 1 mocking from parents
Don't take ridicule and reveal the shortcomings as a joke, the child is not so strong in his heart to bear this joke.
For example, after having a child, the conversation between relatives, friends and family is basically centered around the children, and complaining about exposing the shortcomings is a very exciting part of the conversation.
"You see, my child is almost 5 years old, and he has to wear diapers at night. It's so worrying!"
"My child is not worried, so he follows his father's personality. He is too lazy!"
"My child is good at everything, but his eyes are not as young as me, he is too young!"
Little do you know that the speaker is unintentional, but if this is said in front of the child, the harm to him will be hidden and far-reaching.
There are also some joke-like behaviors of parents, which will also make children feel deeply hurt by their self-esteem.
A mother in Shaanxi found it funny because her daughter became fat and couldn't wear a school uniform. So she took a video and posted it on the Internet. After being seen by her classmates online, she attracted a wave of ridicule, which made the little girl feel ashamed and cried and asked her mother to delete the video.
Source: @美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美美
It is the same for children. Just because you think your child is young, you can have a solid wall that resists ridicule and external opinions.
On the contrary, children are more vulnerable than adults, and their self-esteem and face need to be respected by their parents more.
behavior2 ccusations regardless of occasion
An anonymous netizen on Zhihu shared his childhood experience. After watching it, I believe it can awaken the resonance of many people when I was young.
He said: "My childhood shadow is my mother scolding me in public."
Source: Zhihu anonymous user, infringement and delete
In the subway, on the road, in the shopping malls of many people... These public occasions have become places for his mother to scold him, and passers-by will look at him with expressions, so that when he grows up, he is still afraid of the eyes of passers-by.
Parents beat and scold their children without regard for face, it is really like a sharp blade that has been pierced in the heart of the child and cannot be removed. Once this pain is planted, it will torture the child for the rest of his life and will never be forgotten.
In the variety show "Youth Talk", a little girl finally mustered up the courage to tell her mother the grievance and anger hidden in her heart for a long time:
"Even other parents are angry, they will close the door to educate their children, but you always have the temper to say it, and you don't care whether there is anyone else around you!"
comes from the variety show "Youth Talk", infringement and delete
When she heard her daughter’s accusation, the mother didn’t think it was her own problem. She asked her daughter: “Where is the mother’s face important or is it important for you?”
comes from the variety show “Youth Talk”. If you infringe, delete
was very surprised that in the heart of this mother, her face is more worthy of care than the child’s self-esteem. In the face of discipline, the child’s self-esteem and face are not worth mentioning!
But what is worrying is that there are not a few such parents. How many parents inadvertently become the most feared and annoying people in their children's hearts.
On the subway in a city, a mother was blaming her child in public for losing her subway ticket: "Let you not play, you see, you played with subway tickets. Now, the tickets are lost."
Source: Pear Video, delete
The child scolded by his mother, under the attention of everyone, he was embarrassed and at a loss, and could only stand there and cry silently. At that time, a kind passerby couldn't stand it, so he stepped forward to persuade the mother to make up for the ticket, stop scolding the child, and help him dry his eyes.
I don’t know why the mother asked her to say such a reproachful word, but the child’s “public humiliation” from his mother in his heart will definitely hurt him secretly for a long time!
His mother is destroying the child's self-confidence and self-esteem in the most undesirable way. The child's face is hurt so much that it is so depressed.
Tell me, whose children are not naughty? This is the nature of a child.
If the child is disobedient or causes trouble outside, do you really need to teach the child a lesson immediately, even in front of everyone?
Parents who teach their children a lesson in public are mostly to relieve their face and throw their anger to their children, and at the same time they are just to make their powerlessness excuses .
Because they are more worried about children who make mistakes in public. If they do not have the current education, they will be considered a parent who has not educated their children well.
But what about those children who have been hurt by their parents?
Their mind has not yet grown up. Parents' evaluation and other people's attention will Mislead children's evaluation of themselves and mistakenly think that they are a very bad person, so they cannot let go and face themselves.
If parents often teach their children in front of the class, they will get a child with low self-esteem, weak inferiority complex, and no ability to regulate themselves.
Never educate your children in front of others. If your child makes a mistake, you must wait until only you and the child are present before pointing out the child’s mistakes, and do not mix with adult emotions to vent.
Behavior 3 Parents’ distrust
Parents’ misunderstandings about their children’s IQ and ability.
always feels that the child is young, "Can he understand?"
always feels that the child's ability is still early, "Can he do it well?"
share a small thing between me and my child, which is also an inspiration point that I am particularly worthy of reflection as parents.
Once after dinner, my 4-year-old daughter suddenly told me that she wanted to help wash the dishes. She immediately reacted keenly and told me: This kid might be in trouble again.
already predicted that the child would want to play with water or might mess up the kitchen. I rejected my daughter: "You are too young, it's difficult to wash dishes, mom should wash it."
My daughter began to gradually get angry after being rejected, and repeatedly emphasized to me: "Mom believes in me."
I was actually more afraid that she would cry and make trouble than the child, so I agreed to let her wash the dishes.
The result was beyond my expectations. The child, who was only 4 years old, imitated the way we adults wash dishes, took every dish seriously, and had a very good process.
Afterwards, the child said to me, "Look, I just said I can do it well, right?"
It turns out that the child's ability is really beyond our expectations, and we parents always subconsciously ignore the child's ability.
Chinese Youth Research Center once conducted a survey on "10 most popular parents with children", and "trust" ranked first in .
But ironically, 5% of parents do not trust their children at all!
Many parents do not believe that their children can do something at the age we think they are young.
Distrust by parents is a kind of "despise and insult" . makes children feel that their self-esteem is being hit by dimensionality reduction. No wonder children are often furious because of adults' rejection.
Give your child more trust, give your child more space, as long as you ensure safety and do not affect others' general principles, don't question what your child wants to do , encourage !
Behavior 4 Please hold one step under the greetings of parents
Hello greetings between adults are always mixed with "humility and praise". When you hear others praise your child, parents will always subconsciously deny their own children and elevate the other's children.
Others praise their children for being obedient and sensible, and parents should refute: Where is it? In fact, they are naughty when they are at home and are disobedient at all.
When others praise their children for being smart, parents often deny that: in fact, they only know that they are smart, but they are still far behind your children.
James once said: Among all people's emotions, the strongest thing is the desire to be valued.
Everyone hopes that they will be praised and affirmed, especially Children who are in the face of psychological growth need to be praised and praised into the energy to affirm themselves , and this is very likely to be ruined by the "humility" of their parents.
Psychologist Susan Forward mentioned in "Pollen Parents": Children cannot distinguish facts and jokes when they are young. They will believe what adults say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas.
The child doesn’t understand what greetings are, nor do he understand what kind of politeness are. He only knows that this is what his parents say in person.
You think you are polite and modest, but you don’t know that the speaker is unintentional, and the child will take it to his heart if he listens.
If all these are to dampen children's confidence and self-esteem, they will make children fall into self-doubt: Am I really not as good as others? Does mom dislike me and other people’s children?
For a long time, it is easy to lead to children's inferiority, depression, self-doubt, self-negation, and psychological trauma . Parents’ humility should not be at the expense of harming their children. Just admit their children’s strengths and be realistic.
There are thousands of ways to make children lose their self-esteem, but it is a slow and difficult process to rebuild their self-esteem for children.
From now on, look at the good side of the child and protecting the child's self-esteem is much easier than rebuilding after destruction!
