The incident of Nanjing doctor beating people has caused a lot of controversy these days. It is not a strange thing to have conflicts between children, and every family has encountered them more or less.
But like this doctor, who slapped the other child at home, pushed the other old man down for self-defense, and finally brought himself into the police station, is still a few. This is the whole story of
. The two children had conflicts in kindergarten over toys. Dr. Lu's son Xiao Lu was exposed to his scalp and injured by his classmates.
Although it is not very serious, the treatment of wounds is to bandage with a wound patch. However, after Dr. Lu knew that his son was injured, he was still very angry and took his wife and son to the other party’s house to argue.
It can be seen from the video that the other party’s family’s attitude was quite sincere at the beginning. He brought a chair to let Dr. Lu and Xiao Lu sit down, and let the child sit opposite Dr. Lu and accept the other party’s criticism.
originally thought that as long as the other party’s parents could calm down, the matter would be over. Unexpectedly, things in quickly went to the opposite direction .
Just as the other child and grandfather were listening to Dr. Lu's words carefully, Dr. Lu suddenly slapped the child to the ground with a slap, and the volume also increased from normal level to the decibels of yelling loudly. He repeated the words "Will you still hit someone in ? Answer me! "
Dr. Lu's emotions and behaviors quickly escalated, which made everyone present confused. It can be seen that Dr. Lu has a big problem with his emotional management ability. Just because of the other child's silence, his emotions instantly changed from angry to angry .
When grandfather asked Dr. Lu, "How can he hit someone? How can he do this?", Dr. Lu apologized first and said, "I'm sorry, I can't help it." At this moment, he was still rational .
But when grandpa started pushing Dr. Lu, his anger was ignited again , so when grandpa smashed Dr. Lu with a stool for the second time, Dr. Lu no longer simply defended himself, but pushed his grandpa away very hard.
Grandpa fell to the ground, moaning constantly because of the severe pain of the fracture. At this time, Dr. Lu's reaction was that pulled the child's hand and wanted to leave immediately. Obviously, he didn't expect things to develop like this, and he didn't expect his impulse to have such serious consequences.
But fear lasted for only a few seconds and turned into anger again! was stopped because he went out, and Dr. Lu began to yell again, "Why are you blocking me? Ask the police to catch me!"
In just 50 seconds of video, Dr. Lu's emotions experienced three major ups and downs like a roller coaster : Angry - rage - guilt - rage - fear - rage.
It can be seen that Dr. Lu's emotional control ability is very poor. A little stimulation of can quickly upgrade his emotions , and his body immediately enters a "fight" state.
Although grandpa later carried a stool and smashed people with , it was also very dangerous. The same party was at fault, but in the whole incident, Dr. Lu, who had lost control of his emotions three times, was naturally to blame.
It was his violent temper that turned the little things between the children into a doctor's beating incident that shocked the whole country.
01 Is it really what the child wants to stand out for?
There are few parents like Dr. Lu who are eager to protect their calves and are prone to impulsive , but there are not none. The Dayao County People's Court of Yunnan Province ruled a case with very similar .
A 4-year-old child and a 2-year-old child had a dispute over playing on a slide.
htmlThe father of a 02-year-old child first scolded the other child, but the other old man was dissatisfied and insulted him.In this way, the incident became more and more intense. changed from a conflict between children to a conflict between adults and , and escalated from a verbal conflict to a physical conflict.
In the end, the 2-year-old father pushed the old man to the ground, causing him to have a fracture. The court sentenced him to compensate the elderly for their economic losses of 97,849.24 yuan.
Whenever we see such a case, we will sigh at the impulse of parents, but few people think:
Is this "revengeful" approach of parents really good for their children? If you know that doing so will seriously hurt your children, will these parents still insist on doing so?
After watching the video of the doctor beating someone yesterday, I specifically asked my 7-year-old son, " If you fight with your classmates, do you want your mother to help you beat your classmates to vent your anger? "
The son shook his head decisively and said "I don't want it". First, he felt that he could handle this matter well, and second, he felt that this was too dangerous.
I continued to ask him again, " If you see your mother hit someone, will you be scared? " He nodded affirmatively.
If Dr. Lu knows what happened in kindergarten, he can ask the child’s thoughts first, maybe he will not come to the door to ask for an explanation.
Of course, with his temper, he will not listen to what the child says. Because he already had an obsession in his heart: My child must not suffer any loss, not at all!
02 Make the child feel extremely guilty
I want me to say that Dr. Lu not only lacks the ability to control emotions, but also lacks the wisdom to educate children . His impulses will cause at least three major damage to the child.
The first serious injury is to make the child feel extremely guilty.
interferes with the conflicts between children, hits people in front of them, and even makes a big deal to the point of being criminally detained. All this is not a nightmare for his child.
Children are not adults and lack the ability to objectively analyze the situation, which will lead to their making mistakes in the event attributing , taking all the mistakes on themselves.
The most common example is . Parents divorce, and their children will think it is their fault. When their younger brothers and sisters are sick, the children will think that they don’t like their younger brothers and sisters, which makes them sick.
In this incident, Dr. Lu's son will also blame himself for all the bad results such as being beaten by his classmates and being detained by his father.
If you hadn't competed with your classmates for toys, fought, or injured, everything wouldn't have happened later.
This self-blame and guilt will become heavy shackles, buried in the child's heart, making him breathless, and even lead to him forming a sensitive and inferior personality.
Poor, his parents may never notice this .
03 Make the child weak
The second most serious injury, Dr. Lu interferes with the matter between the child, will send a negative signal to the child: you are too useless, you will only be beaten, and I have to help you solve it. In the video of
, Dr. Lu's son sat in a chair throughout the whole time, not daring to move. Even if the other party’s grandfather smashed his father with a chair, he might have been accidentally injured at any time, and he did not get up from the chair.
He did not stand up obediently until his father pulled him and wanted to leave, enough to see his weakness and helplessness.
The child who always solves problems with his parents is very weak inside. Because they witnessed their incompetence and their parents' super power again and again, this made them believe in their hearts that they can't do it and can only rely on their parents.
This is called psychologically " learned helplessness ", which is a sense of helplessness learned through repeated failures.
The elephant can be controlled by thin iron chains because it never successfully broke free when it was young. The dog lies on the floor and endures the pain of being electrocuted and does not run away because its previous escape failed.
Even if a child is adult, he still obeys his parents. becomes a soft persimmon that anyone can pinch because he has been controlled by his parents since he was a child and has never had the right to speak.
Whether it is a human or an animal, once the belief that " is useless, I will not succeed ", I will take the initiative to give up my efforts, even if this effort seems so easy.
This is the sorrow of the child, and it is also the sorrow of the parents who want to protect the child but harm the child.
04 Let the child only speak with his fists
The last serious injury is that the father loses control in front of the child and uses violent .
Doctor Lu questioned his child's classmates, "Will you still hit someone in the future?", while beating the child and pushing the elderly. This scene is actually very ironic.
It can be imagined that Dr. Lu educates his children in this way at home. While saying that you are not allowed to do anything, you are doing things that are prohibited without any hesitation.
This double standard for yourself and your child will only help your child learn wrong behaviors faster and remember them more firmly.
Children never learn by listening, but by watching. What to watch in ? It depends on the behavior of adults.
Psychological research has found that children can find causality from the behavioral results of others through observation, and then learn how to do things themselves. And they will only imitate valid behaviors and will not imitate invalid behaviors.
In this example, dad hit someone and made others afraid. This is an effective behavior, which brings the result of "making others obey themselves".
And what my father said about "no hitting people" is exactly the opposite of his behavior, so the child will not learn.
In fact, Dr. Lu’s most wrong concept is that he thinks that the child cannot suffer losses. thinks venting his anger for the child is a manifestation of loving the child .
He ignores the social books between children and there will be many conflicts, which is a valuable opportunity for children to learn how to deal with interpersonal relationships.
Through a toy grab, we can teach children a lot:
- What are the different solutions when everyone wants to play the same toy?
- When encountering conflicts with others, how to negotiate in language instead of violence;
- how to protect yourself when you are beaten;
- how to apologize after hitting someone and get the other party’s forgiveness;
- how to repair the friendship rift, etc.
Unfortunately, Dr. Lu was blinded by emotions, with only his own words of anger and "revenge" left in his eyes. He was so narrow that he could not tolerate any other thoughts, and he could not see his son's feelings and existence at all.
even vents his anger by hurting his children's psychology and hurting others' bodies.
With such a father, how can children learn to use language to solve the problem of grabbing toys?
What my father taught him was that he could only speak with his fists.
I am Xiaoyang's mother, Fudan master's mother, early education instructor, and author of the parenting book "Understanding Psychology, Parenting is Simple". If you like my articles, follow me.
