Every child will make mistakes in the process of growing up. Some will be corrected quickly, while others will develop more and more vigorously. So some of the children are outstanding, and some become problematic teenagers.
In fact, every child is born a blank piece of paper. The key to what kind of person a child becomes is education, especially family education.
Right or wrong, every child needs to identify, learn, and on the road to growth, it is normal for children to make mistakes. Parents do not have to face a big enemy and fight to suppress them.
Solve children's problems by seeing their children's underlying needs.
Children have abnormal or wrong behaviors, mostly because their needs are not met.
In infancy, children may be crying because they are hungry, urinating, or stomachache and various physical discomforts. Children draw parents' attention by crying and making noise, allowing parents to discover their needs and meet them.
The child grows up slowly and may cause all kinds of unreasonable trouble because he cannot get a toy or cannot accept the requirements of his parents.
Children are getting older and have more and more needs, and more complex. When they are not satisfied, all kinds of "mistakes" continue to appear.
According to Maslow's five-level demand theory, people have five levels of needs, namely physiological needs, safety needs, belonging and love, respect needs and self-realization. These needs develop from low to high.
The level of demand in children's growth process is constantly changing and developing.
There are roughly only physiological needs and safety needs in infancy, and after entering the young child, the needs of belonging, love and respect will appear one after another.
Near-home child, after one year of kindergarten, suddenly refused to go to school, did not get up in the morning, and after being pulled up by his parents, he did not eat. When the parents were forced to send him to the entrance of the kindergarten, he hugged the kindergarten railing tightly and refused to enter the kindergarten. The parents told him a lot of truths, and using coercion and inducement methods was ineffective. Finally, the parents watched the kindergarten video and found that the child was isolated by the children in the kindergarten. Except for the teacher, they were always pitiful in the corner. Without friends, you cannot integrate into the collective, and your child’s sense of security and belonging are the reasons why your child is unwilling to go to kindergarten.
Any abnormal behavior of any child has reasons, and the most fundamental reason is that the needs are not met.
Since her friend gave birth to her second child, her eldest daughter has undergone great changes, from being well-behaved and obedient to being rebellious and unreasonable; from being smart and studious to not being interested in learning; from being loves neat and beautiful to being unhygienic and sloppy. My friend was puzzled: Why did you start to rebel before you even reached puberty? It was not until my daughter said in a crying that "You only love your brother, not me" that my friend suddenly realized that her daughter had an unsuccessful series of rebellious behaviors, because she felt that she was not loved, and that her belonging and love needs were not met.
colleague's son entered a key middle school and became obsessed with the game in an environment with a strong learning atmosphere. My colleague went from being tempted to scolding and scolding, but my son just couldn't get out of the game and his grades plummeted. Later, someone analyzed to his colleague that her son was not obsessed with games and did not like to study, but went to a key middle school and found that he was not as good as others and gave up learning and turned to games to find "self-feeling". If he wanted his son to get out of the game, he had to help his son regain his self-esteem and confidence in learning and other aspects.
often the problems that children show are expectation of demand.
Understanding the child’s underlying needs and meeting the child’s needs reasonably is the ability that every parent should learn.
How to perceive children's needs through their behavior, parents must be careful and patient.
When a little boy passed by the corner of the community, he stepped on the flower pot with his feet, and picked a few flowers and threw them into the trash can next to him. His movement was very fast. When his father saw him, he scolded him fiercely, warning him that he would send him to the community property for treatment in the next time, but the boy looked dissatisfied.
After a while, the boy walked back to the corner to observe, as if waiting for something.
His mother followed and asked him, "Are you spotted while waiting?" He gave his mother a disdainful look and replied, "I'm not afraid!"
"Are you really afraid? Then go to the property together and 'shoulder'!" After saying that, his mother took his hand. The boy shouted, "No, no, he will laugh at me."
The mother squatted down. After some patient inquiries and understanding, she finally knew that the little boy did this to get the recognition of a big brother in the community who was a "hero" in his mind.
This corner turned out to be the place where they played, and later they put on a flower pot, so the older brother said, "Whoever can't plant the flowers here will be the 'hero'."
knows the reason for the little boy's destruction and perceives the little boy's psychological needs. The mother's guidance and education are no longer simply "just to reason", but instead starts from the little boy's psychological needs. First recognize the other advantages of the little boy, then point out the mistakes of the destructive behavior, and the impact of this behavior on a person's image, and finally makes the little boy admit his mistake and change his cognition.
Parents should perceive their children's needs, be good at analyzing and willing to learn.
Times are changing, and today's children are different from the previous children. The development of the Internet allows children to accept new things faster, be more susceptible to temptations, and want to realize themselves earlier.
Parents should not think that their children are young and take it for granted, nor should they feel their children based on their own feelings. Instead, they should know how to feel their children's feelings and solve their children's problems with correct communication methods and handling methods.
Children may lie because of fear. Parents should first eliminate their children's fear and give their children enough trust and tolerance, rather than simply beating and scolding their children to lie.
Children may cry and lose their temper due to inner collapse. What parents need to do is to convey love first, rather than continue to teach lessons and blows.
Children may be unreasonable and deliberately make trouble because of lack of love and attention. Parents cannot stop their attention and scold them. Instead, they should move towards their children, get close to their children, warm them with love, and let them understand the truth.
Children may avoid learning due to inferiority and loss of confidence. Parents must not just stare at their children's grades and superimpose their anxiety on their children, making their children less confident. Instead, they should discover their children's strengths, add more affirmation and encouragement, support their children's confidence bit by bit, and cultivate their enthusiasm for learning.
The external behavior of children is a projection of their inner needs. This is true for good performance and so is the bad performance.
The more effective way to correct children's mistakes is to see children's needs and meet children's needs.
Of course, meeting needs is not a simple concession, mastering the method is the key. Parents need to have the willingness and ability to actively learn.
Author: Waiting for Fenglai
Working mothers in the workplace, holding a pen in their left hand and taking care of their children in their right hand. They like reading, writing, painting, and firmly believe that even if life is messy, they must have the poems and distance they yearn for in their hearts. Follow me and continue to provide you with more parenting information.
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