There is a recognized phenomenon in society: strong parents cannot raise strong children.
Strong and strong are two words with completely different meanings.
Someone has interpreted the strength, saying that the strong people actually have deep fear behind them. And powerful is not!
The purpose of parents’ strongness: is to cultivate a strong child according to their own wishes. But things often go against your expectations!
TV series " In the Name of Family ", Qi Mingyue is a top student, but because of her strong mother, she is already an adult and still lives like a child. If you don’t know how to choose, you dare not choose; if you have no opinion, you don’t have yourself; it makes you feel distressed and sad. Her life was destroyed by the strong mother.
An emotional program has been to a mother and daughter. The daughter has obtained a doctorate degree and has a level 10 piano certificate, but her daughter has a mental illness and is a crazi patient. She loves to cry and has a sensation. She was present and her emotions were almost broken. But her mother kept holding her head up, saying that high education is important and that her daughter is excellent. My daughter is like a puppet by this powerful mother, all the matchmaking is in her mother's hands, and she has no self at all.
A strong mother raises a sickly daughter.
No parent does not want their children to be good or to live like a strong person, but what they can do is only some of their parents. Although many parents have put in a lot of effort and even have worked hard, the final result is very different from their expectations.
There is a saying on the Internet: Being a parent is the most difficult profession in the world, and it is impossible to do without wisdom.
If you want your child to be strong, you can show your weakness first. This is also a kind of wisdom for parents.
has such a remark: "The clumsy and lazy parents are, the smarter and more capable children are."
If you can use these tricks in parenting, it may be very effective.
When mobilizing children's interest in learning, let the children win first and let the children gain confidence.
Anyone has the mentality of avoiding it. When facing their own weaknesses or premonitions of failure, they can basically avoid it if they can. This is true for adults, and even more so for children.
Those who are interested in learning in schools are those with excellent grades. But the relationship between the two is not absolutely interested in the first and the outstanding performance comes later, but complement each other and influence each other.
Children may be among the top of their exams by chance and then receive timely encouragement from then on to become interested in learning; they may also be depressed because of a failure and become tired of studying from now on.
Win or win, which arouses the child's self-confidence. With confidence, children's interest in learning will be easily developed.
When accompanying your child to study, try to give your child the feeling of "winning", especially when the child is young and in the first and second grades of elementary school.
I remember that in order to cultivate my son's speed calculation ability, I always played and practiced with my son, and always lost to him inadvertently.
At that time, he was five years old, curious about everything and was very competitive. When playing a speed calculation game with him, I deliberately thought it was slower than him and lost to him. He was very interested because he could beat me. I went step by step, from easy to difficult, and won him a few times in between to mobilize his attention. Soon, I went from losing him on purpose to becoming a real loser. My reaction speed can no longer keep up with him. And he has become very interested in mathematics through such companionship learning. After stepping into the primary school threshold, his math scores were outstanding and he could be said to be leading the way.
If children are allowed to learn, they will be in a rigid, demanding and blamed form. It will not only make it difficult for children to have interest in learning, but also become inferior and tired of learning.
Properly express your "incompetence" in life, ask your children for help, and let them know how to take responsibility.
In today's society where children are highly valued and often measure their children by their academic performance, many parents take care of their children and raise their children into "big babies" who can do nothing except study.Children like
, even if they graduate from college, or even graduate from master's or doctoral degrees from prestigious universities, may become "giant babies" and cannot become truly useful talents in society.
There are many people with high education in the unit, and their work results are far inferior to those with low education, let alone expect them to shoulder heavy responsibilities. In the family, the talented student trained by the whole family has become a ungrateful wolf. People like
are not individuals, and the reason is not entirely dependent on them. If you want to pursue the matter, parents have an unshirkable responsibility.
Getting closer to these people, you can basically find that they all have strong parents, and at least one of their fathers or mothers is very strong and very capable. It is the strength and ability that harms the child.
In the process of raising children, parents should know how to show weakness.
A friend said that after her daughter was in junior high school, she told her daughter more than once that she was very busy with work every day and was very tired when she got home. She hoped that her daughter could help, and sometimes she looked very tired and weak. The daughter finally took the initiative to walk into the kitchen and gradually developed the habit of treating housework as the responsibility of every family member. She also used her New Year's money to buy a dishwasher for her home.
Another friend said that every time they travel, their itinerary, transportation, and hotel accommodation will be arranged and contacted by their son who only goes to junior high school. She told her son: "You know much more about the new lifestyle than us, including online ticket booking, appointments, booking rooms and other operations. We are not as good as you."
The children of these two friends are more responsible and capable than other children when their friends show their weakness.
Children's affairs, let the children make their own decisions. As long as they do not "offset" or "derail", they should fully support the children.
Strong parents are used to controlling their children. Not only should children's food, clothing, housing and transportation be arranged by their parents, but their interests and social interactions are also incapable of avoiding their parents' control.
Children who are strongly controlled by their parents must lack room for growth and naturally cannot grow up.
Each child is an independent individual. Although it is born and raised by parents, it is by no means a shadow of parents. They have their own unique temperament. Parents use their own cognition and experience to demand their children and force them to develop their desired appearance will inevitably hurt their children.
is not arrogant and gives children respect, which is also a manifestation of parents showing weakness.
Psychologist Winnicott once proposed: parents can have expectations for their children, but they must respect their children more. The ultimate control and decision-making power must be in the hands of the children.
Only by putting aside the so-called authority of parents can the children's potential be realized even more.
A family of traditional Chinese medicine, and the child is the only seedling. The father hopes that the child can take over the baton from him and carry forward the traditional Chinese medicine in their family. But the child is obsessed with dancing. Although the family continues to express expectations when filling out the college entrance examination application, in the end, he still respects the child's choice. The child attended the dance academy and won awards frequently in various dance competitions.
is respected and is a prerequisite for a person to grow smoothly. A person who is disrespected may often even grow up healthy may become a problem.
The strength of parents will definitely squeeze the living space of their children. Only when parents know how to give in and show weakness appropriately and give respect to their children, will their children have a broader vision and will their children grow into real strong people.
Author: Waiting for Fenglai
Working mothers in the workplace, holding a pen in their left hand and taking care of their children in their right hand. They like reading, writing, painting, and firmly believe that even if life is messy, they must have the poems and distance they yearn for in their hearts. Follow me and continue to provide you with more parenting information.
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