In the eyes of many parents nowadays, they like to use "IQ" to define their children's "future": they think that children will have a future if they are smart, but the probability of success if they are not smart is not high.
is judged by the child's learning ability and grades after entering the school age. Once the child has poor grades and poor learning ability, parents will feel that the child is not smart, does not study well, and has a weak mind.
However, looking at some of the better entrepreneurs and successful people, some of their IQs are not so outstanding, but in the end they succeed, such as the famous entrepreneur - Jack Ma . He has taken the college entrance examination three times, and has not reached the score line three times. At the worst, he only scored 1 point in mathematics, ranking third from the bottom in Zhejiang Province. However, it did not affect him. He would be the richest man in the future.
Therefore, it is too extreme to determine whether a child’s future success is achieved by using his “IQ”. Famous Model Dr. Walter Mischel conducted a famous cotton hall experiment in the Stanford University Affiliated Kindergarten. Through this experiment, we see a very obvious fact: what is more important than IQ is that children have strong self-control.
Stanford "Marshmallow Experiment": Self-control will affect a child's life
Experimental process: Let a group of 4-year-old children sit at the table, with each person holding a marshmallow in front of them. The researcher said to the child, "I want to leave the room now. If you leave it and eat it after I leave, then this is only one piece; but if you can wait for me to come back and eat it, I will give you another piece."
Experimental results: 15 minutes later, the researcher came back and found that 70% of the children chose to eat the first piece of marshmallow without thinking, and only 30% of the children chose to wait and got the second piece of marshmallow.
Afterwards, Michelle conducted a follow-up survey on the children. When the children who participated in the experiment were 18 years old, those children who waited for a long time had significantly better academic performance than those children who waited for a short time; Their SAT (American University Entrance Examination) averaged 210 points higher; other aspects also showed advantages, such as stronger social skills, successful careers, harmonious family, and better physical fitness index.
Experimental conclusion:
From this experimental results, it is not difficult to conclude that the impact of self-control on a child’s life. Looking at some examples around us, it is not difficult to find that those so-called academic masters, elites, and successful people in all have one common feature, that is, "strong self-control is so perverted." Their plans are for execution, not for comforting oneself.
What is self-control?
Speaking of self-control, this is a natural ability but difficult to cultivate. In life, most ordinary people have poor self-control. For example, they know that eating at night is not healthy, but they still have to eat; they want to get high scores, but they can't review well; they want to spend more time with their children, but they lie down and play with their mobile phones when they get home...
Regarding self-control, parents should have two clear cognitions:
① Self-control is a kind of "natural ability": psychological research has confirmed that "self-control is really innate", which comes from the prefrontal cortex of the brain, and is determined by the biological abilities in the human brain.
② Auto-control power "use advancement and withdrawal": Auto-control power is also a "muscle model", like muscle, use advancement and withdrawal. If you are born with strong self-control, but you will deteriorate if you don’t train your child; if you are born with poor self-control, but strengthen your training, you can also become stronger.
Since self-control is so important to children, how can we improve our self-control?
In terms of training children's self-control, some parents like to use the "delay satisfaction method", that is, when the child asks you for what you want to buy, wait for a while before satisfying them. This "other control" method only has a temporary effect. In the long run, children's self-control will not be effectively trained.
"self-control" requires children to actively and consciously practice control ability, and the effect will be much better than passive delayed satisfaction.How to do it specifically? The following provide 3 methods:
1. Game training
Please do it with me: is suitable for young children around 3 years old, and let children do movements, talk, and expressions with adults. During the game, children will concentrate on learning and achieve the best practice of controlling their behavior.
hide-and-seek, wooden man, who laughs first: these mini games can effectively train children to keep calm and cultivate their self-control development. Moreover, in the game scenario, children will be more willing to take the initiative to control themselves.
2. Wait briefly for
deliberately creates such an opportunity: "Mom is still busy, I will help you in 5 minutes, can I wait for a while?" "Mom doesn't know this question yet. Can you let your mother think about it for a while and tell you the answer in 5 minutes?"
A brief wait can not only improve the child's self-control, but also has a strong practical effect. Just like in society, not everyone can help you immediately after you ask for help. A short wait can slowly change the child’s impatient attitude!
3. Do not interfere with or interrupt
When children's self-control develops naturally, there will be a very obvious manifestation, that is, to focus yourself by talking to yourself. For example, when a child wears shoes, he will say to himself: "Put your feet first, then put them in," and murmured to himself every step his mother gave him.
This process is not only the children remember, but also turns the instructions that originally needed teachers and parents into a "self-control" behavior . Never disturb or interrupt them at this time.
The self-control is limited, and when facing temptation, the self-control is losing. So if you want your child to become a better self, you have to let him be truly driven by himself, set goals that he is interested in, and develop self-control habits.
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