Text/HuaShe
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Chinese parents have a characteristic - they always hope they are useful. The hope of
is reflected in all aspects.
want to take good care of children's lives, manage their grades, plan their future, and find a good match.
even sometimes, I hope to take good care of my grandchildren.
But parents are not superhuman, not everything can be done well, so sometimes, even though they have done a lot of it, they are only complaining.
This does not mean that parents are useless, it only means that parents should not interfere in some things.
Especially when people get older, it is better to learn how to get along with their children than to want to be "useful" to their children.
As they grow up, they have their own ideas, their own plans, and know how to keep a distance from their children appropriately so that they will not be disgusted.
Just like these topics, chatting less with your children is to not cause trouble for your children, so that you can bring the distance between yourself and your children.
talk less about your own "sacrifice"
Once read a topic: Why don't you contact your parents frequently?
answerer @Sanqi talked about his own experience.
After graduating from university, she was called "the ungrateful wolf" by her parents. She is often said to be heartless because she is unwilling to pay her salary every month.
Mother always said that in order to support Sanqi, she quit her job, suffered a lot of hardship and fatigue.
Sanqi wrote in her answer: "I love them very much, and I am very grateful to them, but I am not their ATM machine. I have never thought of not respecting them, but I am under a lot of pressure."
In order to relieve these pressures, Sanqi sent money home every month, but no longer called her parents. She was afraid that she would quarrel with her mother after hearing her mother's complaints.
Such a relationship reminds me of a sentence written by a psychotherapist in "Emotional Blackmail": "Many feelings have become a 'ransomware' without realizing it."
Many parents talk about their sacrifices, not necessarily to get a lot of rewards, but just hope that their children will not forget themselves and be filial to themselves in the future.
Little do you know that the more you emphasize some things, the more you get bored.
This does not mean that children do not know how to repay kindness, but that they are just saying that no one is willing to be forced to do something, especially filial piety. is forced to fulfill the filial piety and the filial piety that they take the initiative. The people who give and bear the feelings are different.
people's hearts are full of flesh. Children can see the goodness of parents to their children themselves. There is no need to emphasize that they also know how to be grateful.
So, at a certain age, don’t always talk to your children about your “sacrifice”. Your sacrifice is real, but you should not use the method of constantly reiterating it to show your importance.
4 Less talking about the "decision" of children
Some time ago, my cousin, who had been away from home for five years, finally returned home. The family went to the airport to pick him up early. People blamed my cousin for leaving and didn't say anything, but they also knew that this was my cousin's decision.
At that time, my cousin in her 30s finally had a girl he liked, but his parents disagreed because the woman's family was not well off and because the woman's family was too far away.
In a fit of anger, my cousin took the household registration book at home and got married and settled in another place with his girlfriend. After this incident happened, many people accused their cousin of being unfilial.
However, it is true that he is unfilial, but this kind of "unfilial piety" is a helpless act. All he wants is to be with the girl he likes.
The five years after leaving home, my cousin got married, gave birth to a child, set up his own company, and lived a good life with his wife.
It was not until the child started kindergarten that he went home for the first time, in order to reassure his parents and to bring his elderly parents to live with him.
Many parents think that their opinions on their children are very important, whether they are opinions on career planning or opinions when they are in love and marriage.
In fact, these opinions are indeed important, but at a certain age, what parents should do is to give suggestions, rather than force children to do things according to their own ideas.
Sometimes I push myself too tightly, and the child wants to leave.
instead, I take less care of myself and only give suggestions and don’t force them to make a decision. When I get closer to my children, I will be closer to each other.
People often say that children and grandchildren have their own blessings.
Think about this, live your old age well and be busy with yourself, which is more important than being busy working for your children.
Gibran In " On Children ", he wrote a few poems:
"Your children are actually not your children; they are children born from their desire for themselves; they come to this world with you, not because of you; although they are with you, they do not belong to you."
Parents all hope that they can accompany their children for the rest of their lives, and they also hope that their children can rely on themselves for the rest of their lives.
However, children are destined to be independent individuals, destined to have their own thoughts, and it is destined to be difficult to be by their parents without regrets for the rest of their lives.
The fate between parents and children has gradually decreased since the child becomes an adult.
In the end, what parents can do is to manage their own lives well and help their children reduce the burden. They can rely on them when they need them, but don’t participate too much at other times.
Whether it is love or need, it should be moderate. This is true for children when they are young and when they grow up.
Only those parents with "substantiation" can be happier in their later years.
