There is a highly praised question on Zhihu:
Why is it that your children are disobedient even though you have already said it?
In the article, the author recorded his shocking experience of being woken up by a child using a toothpick . He also described how he pretended to be electrocuted in order to keep the child away from the power supply. The picture is full of meaning and makes people feel the same. Readers liked it one after another, and hundreds of parents shared their experiences with disobedient children in the comment section.
As a teacher, I often hear parents complain: their children are always disobedient, tells them to go east or west, and tells them not to do dangerous things, but they always turn a deaf ear. As a result, it is normal to make a mess at home, and accidental injuries and bumps are also a high probability. The biggest fear is the danger, and there are many accidents caused by water, fire and electricity reported in the news every year.
Why are children disobedient? Is he deliberately going against his parents, or is it for some other reason? The book "The Pattern of Time" gives the answer.
The author of this book is teacher Huang Jingjie , an expert in combined Chinese and Western parent-child education. He is also the author of the best-selling books "The Pattern of Learning" and "The Pattern of Parents". He has cultivated two outstanding boys. Through research and practice, she discovered that the secret for children to learn to be "obedient" lies in the brain. Understanding the structure and development patterns of the left and right brains plays a very important role in the growth of children. Parents learn to be reasonable, and parenting becomes easier and more effective.
A headache for parents, how many do you have in your family?
Do you agree to do something before, but forget it when the time comes, or don't follow the rules at all? Is this situation very familiar? The author of
also mentioned in the book that when she took her two sons to Sanya, she let them play on the beach and made an appointment to have dinner together at noon. But until dark, they refused to leave the beach, and even said they would stay on the beach and sleep with the sand castle they had built all day.
It seems that children’s disobedience is almost always the biggest headache for parents. Do you have any of the following symptoms at home?
1. Suddenly loses temper
2. Willful
3. Not focused on doing things
(1)
A child's face is like the weather in June or July. It changes at a moment's notice. One second he was cheerful, but the next second he may be crying and making a fuss. My best friend once said something: I once took my child to travel. On the high-speed train, the child was very happy looking at the scenery outside the window. Suddenly he realized that he had forgotten a favorite toy, and he immediately clamored to go home to get it. He kept crying. His crying could be heard in the carriage, which was really embarrassing. It was useless to bring out snacks or reason with him. She didn't understand: it seemed to her like a trivial matter, so why did she suddenly become emotional?
In shopping malls or supermarkets, we often see children sitting on the ground crying or even rolling. Faced with such a situation, is there any use in reasoning with the child? Useless!
(2)
Summer vacation is here again. The biggest headache for parents is that the mythical beasts have returned to their cages. Their work and rest schedules are all messed up. They don’t eat well when they should eat. They want to watch TV and cartoons when they should go to bed. They have no sense of time at all.
(3)
Parents with primary school students believe that the last thing they want to do is tutoring homework. If you don't do homework, your mother will be kind and your son will be filial. If you do, you will be in a hurry. He is very serious when watching TV and can watch it for an hour or two continuously, but he is very unfocused when doing homework. He has to go to the toilet and drink some water. It can be said that homework is the time that tests the parents' patience the most.
What is the reason for children not being "obedient"?
Many parents think that their children are deliberately being disobedient, for example, telling their children not to run too fast, otherwise they will fall , and as a result, their children will run very fast every time.
In fact, this is caused by the law of brain development and growth. Let’s take a look at the picture below:
From the picture we can see that the left brain is the rational brain, including logic, language, mathematics, reasoning, analysis, etc., also called abstraction The right brain is the perceptual brain, also known as the emotional brain.
html Before the age of 03, the development of the right brain of children takes the dominant position. This is reflected in the fact that as long as it is music, art, and painting, children are particularly interested in it and can easily remember it.When children in early education centers learn ancient poetry exercises, it is not a problem to memorize more than a dozen ancient poems through movements. Adults may not remember so many.And we adults often use logical reasoning to communicate with children, just like the example in the book: Adults tell children: The steps are so high, you can’t jump, because if you jump, you will break your legs, so don’t do it. Don't jump.
In this sentence, because...so..., it is a cause-and-effect relationship. These logical relationships belong to the left brain area, but the child does not understand the logical relationship between them at all, so he will still make the same mistake next time he encounters the same problem. mistake.
Because children are not yet capable of making logical conversions, reasoning is of no use. m jf The right brain is dominant. When a problem occurs, the right brain, which is the emotional brain, will be activated immediately. The major problems mentioned above are not difficult to understand, and they are all related to brain development.
Sudden emotional outbursts are caused by the emotional brain. Children cannot control their emotions yet, so they will suddenly cry and make a fuss.
Willfulness means that the child has no reasonable judgment on what should be done and what should not be done, and does not have much concept of time.
Insufficient concentration means that children prefer the feelings brought to them by the right brain, so they choose things they like according to their own interests.
We often use left-brain logical thinking to reason with our children, but the children don't listen at all and can't listen. This creates a cycle of the more you don't listen, the more I talk, and the more I talk, the more they don't listen.
Use these tips well and your children will be more obedient
So is there any way that parents can learn to be reasonable and their children will be more obedient? The author gives a method for dimensionality reduction.
1. For preschool children, use scenarios or familiar things to explain things.
For example, the problem of brushing teeth. When the younger brother sees the painful scene of his elder brother having his teeth filled , he will ask why he has cavities . The author just took this opportunity to give The child watched relevant videos and asked a professional doctor to teach him how to brush his teeth, so he began to consciously protect his teeth.
The male kindergarten teacher Mr. Lu in the recently popular TV series "Come on Mom " is also very good at raising children. In one episode, a child named Isabel wanted to wear an Elsa princess dress and refused to change into her uniform when she got to school. She refused to listen to her mother no matter what she said. Teacher Lu saw it, knelt down and said to her: "Princess Elsa can do magic. What do you think she will turn her clothes into? After hearing this, Isabel was about to change her clothes.
The parents on the side understood this and quickly reminded her Isabel's mother took her to change her school uniform.
See, the difficult problem is easily solved by using scenes or familiar things.
2. Children in primary school should pay attention to emotions first, and then transfer their emotions to rationality.
Summer vacation. Some children like to wait until the end to do their homework, and many parents will keep urging their children. In fact, the children may be worried that they will have no time to play when school starts, so empathy is very important!
My child Polly said just after the holiday. :Mom, I have to finish all my homework in one week. I completed it as planned in the first three days. On the fourth day, he said: "Mom, there is too much homework!" Can't finish it. "
I was very angry and said: I must complete the plan I made! He was also aggrieved: Others finished their work just before school started, but you only talked about me, and ended up being angry the whole night.
Later, I turned over After looking at his homework, I found that he had been doing English in the past few days (no homework for those who met the Chinese standard), listening was relatively simple, and he had very little writing, so he finished it quickly. It is indeed a bit much.
Later, I talked to POLLY. Is the plan this time a little unreasonable? He nodded: It is easy at the beginning, but more tiring at the end. If you do 5 pages of math every day, it will be better if you do 5 pages of English. .
I gave him two options, he could choose to finish it on Friday, or he could do more on the weekend according to the schedule. He also agreed, and the parent-child conflict that almost broke out was resolved.
written at the end
Becoming a parent is a practice. In raising children, we have a deeper understanding of the child's psychology and characteristics, and we can also see our own shadow in the child and become a better version of ourselves.
's book "The Pattern of Time" also contains many methods and practical experiences on raising children. If your child has no concept of time, teacher Huang Jingjie will teach you to introduce the concept of time and help your child establish internal order.
If your child encounters problems during the nurturing, nurturing, knowledge education, or adolescence periods, you can also find the answers in this book.
hopes that we can all let the pattern of time open up the growth map of our children!
As parents, we all hope that our children will be reasonable, listen to instructions, and be a well-behaved and good baby. In fact, the child goes to
