Parent: I work as a designer in a company and I usually work a lot of overtime. My wife complained that I spent too little time with my children and did not know how to express love to my children. I only knew how to spend money to satisfy my children. I also envy those dads who

parent: I work as a designer in a company and I usually work a lot of overtime. My wife complained that I spent too little time with my children and did not know how to express love to my children. I only knew how to spend money to satisfy my children. I also envy those dads who know how to do things. But I have no clue, what should I do?

Cao Zeneng, chief psychological counselor of Zhuhai Bangda Psychological Consulting Co., Ltd. : The influence of fathers on children is irreplaceable. Chinese fathers are not very good at expressing their love to their children. Our country’s family culture, which has been passed down for more than 5,000 years, has made the connection between mothers and children closer. At the same time, this is also related to the psychological characteristics of men. Men tend to be reserved, deep, and responsible. They usually hide their love in their hearts and express it through actions, while women are gentle and like to talk. In addition, men are more impatient and less patient, which greatly reduces communication. In addition, boys are taught from an early age to be strong and not to show emotions at will, otherwise they will be regarded as immature and fragile. When a boy identifies with his father, he will also imitate him subtly.

A father’s influence on his children is irreplaceable. If father's love is lacking, children are prone to " lack of father's love syndrome". On the one hand, children's cognitive development of things may be hindered, and they are prone to cognitive biases. They view life and society in a one-sided and extreme way, have little understanding and grasp of social order, and even love to challenge rules and regulations; second, their character is imperfect. There are many characteristics, such as lack of sufficient security (father's love is an important source of self-confidence and security), and may also result in weak willpower, lack of tenacity, timidity, sensitivity and suspicion, fear of risks, inner cowardice, difficulty in independence, Third, there is a high probability of emotional disorders, such as depression, anxiety and other emotions, not knowing how to get along with the opposite sex, being afraid of losing a relationship, always wanting to control the other person or relying on the other person, etc. Fourth, the physical development is more With disabilities, the child's height, weight, movement coordination, and overall reaction speed lag behind those of children of the same age. Studies have shown that children with "lack of father's love syndrome" are five times more likely to become poor as adults than ordinary children, and their high school dropout rate is twice as high, and their crime rate is twice as high. If you are a girl, you are three times more likely to be a single mother. Corresponding to this is "widowed parenting", which will increase the mother's anxiety and complaints, and will affect the entire family atmosphere over time. Therefore, when a father learns to express his love for his child, it is not only the happiness and luck of the child, but also the most valuable ability of a man. , A man who is a good father is a truly mature man.

Suggestions: First, men must understand that love needs to be expressed. The younger the child is, the more important it is to establish a sense of attachment with the child and improve the emotional connection, so that when the child encounters setbacks in the future, he will have the confidence to overcome them.

Second, we don’t insist on being a perfect father, but we need to understand, guide and liberate our children. Or be a wise father, avoid being rough, and respect the child's right to choose and make mistakes; or be a communicative father, listen more, be good at listening, let the child release, speak less, be able to speak, and speak to the point, so that the child Be sincere and sincere instead of preaching harshly; or be a tolerant father, who is more understanding and does not criticize, does not misinterpret the child's motives, and allows the child to experience life more; or be a considerate father, such as hugging the child, doing handicrafts with him, and talking about himself. Interesting things make children feel every bit of father's love.

Third, handle your work flexibly and arrange time for your children. To make children, especially those in primary school and before, feel loved, companionship is indispensable and requires time. The time is determined by the parents' attention. For example, spend half an hour every day telling stories, playing Lego, etc. with your children. If you really don’t have time, you can also have a video call with your children to let them feel your father’s care and presence.

Fourth, pay attention to showing the strength, courage, courage, and wisdom of men, and take your children to take more challenges and adventures. For example, you can hold your children and do difficult actions to let them experience the different ways of playing between father and mother; or go on adventures. , mountain climbing, camping, playing ball, fishing, cross-country, etc. The more thrilling and thrilling it is, the more memorable it will be for children.This helps children understand the roles and attitudes of men and women, thereby positively affecting the formation of children's gender roles, making boys more like boys and girls more like girls.

Fifth, you must attend your child’s parent-teacher meeting, learn about your child’s study, life, and friendships, care about your child’s growth, and understand your child’s status, confusion, and feelings. Only in this way can you encourage and support your child in a targeted manner when communicating with your child.

Sixth, be sure to appear when your child needs it most. This is usually the child’s last resort. In other words, children can usually decide the importance of things, and will not call out the "protector god" unless they are in an emergency. If you ignore your child, not only will what happens to your child be a blow to him, but the parent-child relationship will also fall to a freezing point. On the contrary, parents stepping forward in time will not only enhance their children's confidence in life, but also give them a strong belief: I am worthy of being loved, and I cannot give up all my efforts.

Seventh, father must pamper his mother, and he must love and care for his mother at any age. In this way, it not only makes the family warm and loving, but also makes it easy for children to internalize the love of their parents into their own hearts.