Tao Xingzhi once said, "Love is a great power. Without love, there is no education." Language is the expression of love. You should say it well. Don't let your emotions control your language or let your language cover up your love.
An incident that happened in class recently made me deeply understand the importance of communication.
received a call from the life teacher at night. A little girl in the dormitory who slept on the lower bunk had a big fight with the life teacher and insisted on sleeping in the upper bunk. This little girl is lively and active by nature. She always likes to roll around when sleeping and is not very honest. For the child's safety, we specially arranged the child in the lower bunk.
My child also said she wanted to sleep on the upper bunk before, but she was comforted by me. I also called her parents to ask for their opinions, and finally we all reached an agreement. Unexpectedly, that night, she started crying and clamoring to sleep on the upper bunk again, and even climbed up directly holding the quilt.
Thinking of this, I couldn't help but quicken my pace and rushed to the dormitory to check. On the way, I called the child's mother and asked her if she had promised the child to sleep on the upper bunk when the child was at home, and told her about the child's condition. The child's mother denied it and said she told her child that it would be safer to sleep on the bottom bunk.
came to the dormitory and saw that the child had already run to the upper bunk and sat on it, shouting that he must sleep on the upper bunk. I asked her to come down for a chat first. Seeing her unskilled movements in getting out of bed, and even jumping directly from the second step, I was frightened and thought, I must not agree to the child's request because of a moment of weakness.
This little girl has a very stubborn personality and cannot listen to my earnest advice. The child’s mother also scolded her on the other end of the phone: “If you don’t obey me again, let the guard pull you out so as not to disturb other students’ sleep.” Suddenly the child She became even more angry, not only crying, but also kicking the bed with her feet. I watched the child's emotions flourishing, and I didn't rush to coordinate. I just sat quietly by the side without saying anything and waited for the child to finish venting.
While the mother of the child hung up the phone, I pulled the child to my side and gave her a hug. She was extremely quiet when she leaned in my arms, and neither of us spoke.
Later, I asked her if her throat hurt from crying so loudly and if she wanted to drink some water. She nodded with tears in her eyes. I asked her again, if your feet hurt when you kick the bed with your feet, she shook her head and said nothing. I saw that she calmed down a little, and then I said to her: "Do you really want to go to the upper bunk to sleep?" Want to experience a different feeling?" She nodded and said, "Yes, I would like to sleep on the upper bunk." I nodded and agreed to her, "Yes, I promise you to sleep on the upper bunk, but you must pay attention to safety."
Actually, your parents and teachers love you very much, and they don’t want you to sleep on the upper bunk because they are worried that you will fall . You like to roll around when you sleep, and sleeping on the upper bunk is not safe for you. "But then. The child's sudden words surprised me. She said that my parents don't love me anymore, and they all said they don't want me anymore!
I was stunned for a moment, and I didn’t know how to answer the child. Then the call from the child’s father came in. I asked the child to talk to his father. As soon as her father received the call, he immediately started talking nonstop: "Why are you not at school again?" Be obedient, didn't I tell you at home? It's not safe to sleep on the upper bunk..."
said a lot of truth, but the child still insisted: "I must sleep on the upper bunk tonight!" When the child said this, the child's father also became angry: "If you keep acting like this, we won't pick you up. Just stay at school!" The child said: "Okay, I'll be at school. If you don't pick you up, I won't do it." Pick it up! "
I feel very sad when I see the two fathers and daughters hurting each other with insincere words, not letting anyone go.
My parents once said such words that made me doubt their love for me. It was not until I grew up that I understood their deep love.So I interrupted the conversation between father and daughter and said to the child: "Your parents don't want to see you get hurt, and they are worried that you will accidentally bump into each other when you get on and off the bed, so they let you sleep on the lower bunk until you grow up." When your habits are better, your parents will naturally feel relieved. This is all because they love you!”
After my persuasion, the child was finally willing to sleep quietly and decided to change his habits and strive for three. Seniors can sleep on the upper bunk.
But that night, the conversation between father and daughter was still echoing in my mind, reminding me of the way my parents educated me since childhood. They have never directly expressed their love to me, or even said to me: I am worried about you, I love you, or similar words.
They always say: Don’t do this! Don't do that! Don't they love me? No, they love me very much, they just don’t know how to express their love.
It seems difficult for us to get rid of the label of "Chinese-style parents". Our love is always deep, not good at expressing, and not beyond words; but when our children make mistakes, we can't control our emotions, and even use harsh words to try to make our children afraid. When we choose to obey, we seem to be used to using harsh words to conquer our children, and using "strictness is love" to wrap up our inner concerns.
once read the book " Non-Violent Communication ". The book said that when children are angry, some needs must be unmet, and what we have to do is to guide children to express their feelings and needs. Maybe sometimes what a child needs is just a warm hug and an "I love you" from mom and dad.
Therefore, behind the "Chinese-style parents" is often the children's incomprehension of their parents' love. Even after the children become parents, they will still use the same method to educate their next generation, and it is not until then that they can truly Understand the deep love of parents. But why do we have to let love be an afterthought?
In fact, parents are always the ones who love us the most, but how can children understand this truth? So parents all over the world, speak out your love and don’t let harsh words cover up your love. Please let your children know: you love him very much and you are willing to shelter him from the wind and rain no matter what happens, and he Just don’t be afraid of the wind and rain and move forward bravely.
