When my daughter was young, she played house with me. She asked me to be a child and she was a mother. So, I followed her usual disobedient behavior and repeatedly said, "No, no..." My daughter first coaxed me, but then she was so gorgeously that she was angry with me.
She cried and said, "Mom, why are you so disobedient! Woo woo woo woo..."
Since that time, she has become much more sensible than before. The effect of
is very similar to the current "reverse parenting" of post-90s generation.
What is reverse parenting? Simply put, it is: parents go to their children's path, leaving their children with no way to go .
For example:
When the child is lying on the ground, the parents do not coax or hug him, but they also lie on the ground and cry with the child.
Later, the child was stunned and stood up to pull his father up.
from the Internet
Another example: When you find that your child has run away, the parents do not say "Don't run" or "be careful of the car", but instead imitate the child's appearance, stomping their feet and shouting: " What should I do if you leave? I won't leave~ I will get lost! "
Passers-by can't help laughing when they see it. The child can only come back and hold his mother's hand.
from the network
Let’s take another example: typical “scratch” problem .
Have those parents who keep "pushing" every morning really tried not to hurry or urge them, let their children master the rhythm themselves, and be late if they are late, so that their children will bear the natural consequences?
If not, try it. See if your child will be like the child below, and you are so anxious that you stomp your feet?
from the network
However, there are two types of children exceptions.
First: Except for kindergarten children. Because kindergarten teachers mainly focus on "coaxing", there will be no consequences for children to be late, so naturally there will be no pressure. But since I went to elementary school, teachers have punished children who are late. Some criticize and punish them, some punish them for their homework, and some cannot keep up with the dictation in the morning, and they need to copy them twice later...
In this case, children are actually very afraid of being late.
The second one: Except for children who are not afraid of criticism and punishment of teachers and who are not paying their homework for a long time.
Zhou Meiren: Live as a rebellious child and let his son be his "dad"
" Big Test " is a good TV series, I have finished watching it. The negative character Zhou Meiren in the play unexpectedly gained a lot of favorable feelings. Although I play games every day, I do nothing, and I only rely on my wife to make a living. However, everyone was not angry with him. The first half of the story said: "This woman raised her husband as her son and raised a giant baby."
The son Zhou Bowen, who is in his third year of high school, has become the "head of the family". Zhou Meiren, who is a father, is so timid that she dares not say anything in front of her son.
- He was addicted to games, asked his son to confiscate his account, and urged him to go to the store to help.
- He was not doing his job properly, so he asked his son to express his respect and pushed him to work.
- He couldn't get up in bed in the morning, so he let his son open the window, picked up the quilt, and blasted him up...
He did a rebellious thing that adolescent children might do, and then let his son be a "father" for a period of time, constantly adjusting his bad behavior.
Although Zhou Meiren was not deliberately doing "reverse parenting" (he is really "naive"), this behavior did have a significant impact on Zhou Bowen's growth, allowing him to mature independently early and take responsibility for the development and direction of the entire family.
Say more: The most important person in this family is "mother" Zhao Shan . She has a high emotional intelligence and will spoil her husband and encourage her. When she can't hold on and spoil her husband, she will show weakness and encourage Zhou Meiren to stand up and go out.
When Zhou Meiren wanted to hit a car and hit a car for a few thousand dollars, and then Zhao Shan suddenly called him "Zhou Meiren", I was very moved. That was his most down and out moment, and all the grievances and setbacks melted into Zhao Shan's embrace.
She understands when he needs her.
Don’t try your best to prove how powerful we are, but learn to encourage your children to “he can do it”!
Reverse parenting, parents copy their children's behavior, so that the children can experience the feelings brought to others by making unreasonable trouble, and thus stop bad behavior. As long as they are properly qualified, it is a good parenting method.
In addition to this, there is another good method, that is, "shows weakness" . No matter how big or small the child is, parents can achieve good results when showing weakness.
For example:
and The three-year-old child said that the plastic bag is very heavy and needs the child's help. Children will help us with a sense of accomplishment.
and 8-year-old children said that their mother was a little tired, could she help her mother wash fruit? The children will also be willing to provide services and take care of us.
and junior high school children said: "This question is a bit difficult. Which one is the key point (or breakthrough point)?" Then, pretending to think and wait patiently for a while, the child may have a flash of inspiration: "I understand! Mom, this is it--"
When the child thinks "I can do it", he will enhance his self-confidence and control. When he really does something well or overcomes a difficult problem, he will have a strong sense of accomplishment . This sense of control and accomplishment will become the "motive" of children to make progress , thereby mobilizing his subjective initiative , making him willing to learn.
When a child is willing to learn, his achievements will improve. Improved grades will enhance children's confidence, and children prefer to find a sense of value and achievement in their studies... This is a virtuous cycle of . If we can bring our children into this virtuous cycle, then we don’t have to worry too much about our children’s learning.
On the contrary, if we always criticize children when tutoring them, they always say to them:
- "Why didn't you do the same as I told you? Look, are you wrong again?"
- "Have you improved in the exam? Or the father/mother's method? Look, you have improved several places at once!"
- "Why can't you? Didn't you tell you to review? Why are you always disobedient? You are always so lazy and deserve to be so bad at the exam!"
If we tutor children every time they do homework, then no matter how many specific knowledge points we teach them, they will not make them like to study, and they will not be confident in themselves. The improvement in
- results is due to parents. The child’s fault is that his grades have declined.
If a child forms such a cognition and cannot experience any sense of control and accomplishment from learning, then it would be strange if he falls in love with learning!
How simple is the truth!
However, it is very difficult to do it.
Especially some parents, they are obviously consuming their children's energy every day and defying their children, but they do not know it at all. said with confidence:
- "I have been teaching him methods! I have worked hard too."
- "Am I wrong? He just didn't learn well! Can't he be able to say it yet?"
- "He has learned this way, and he still wants me to encourage him? I think beautifully."
Haven't you seen the child's frustrated look every time you tutor your homework?
Didn’t you see that every time you criticize your child, the child looks like is afraid of difficulties and resists when he sees the book?
Some children just understand slowly and make slow progress. They don't want this either. We are more patient, more understanding, and more encouragement. Making children confident is the basis for success.
Reverse parenting, showing weakness, and encouragement are all ways to make children independent and confident.
Do you want to try the original meaning?
Finally, I would like to emphasize one thing: encouragement is very important to everyone, especially children.
Famous psychologist Rudolph Drex said that Children need encouragement, just like plants need water .
Although each child has different personalities, "encourages" is definitely a parenting method for "to respond to changes in the same way" .
Below is an article about encouragement that I wrote before. Interested friends can refer to it. (Click on the title to jump)
This sentence "You are the best!" will hit the child? Encouragement is actually an art!
These four sentences seem to motivate children, but in fact they are hurting them! Have you said it?
Desi effect: understand the "two musts" and "three nos", improve the inner driving force of children
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