Many people are always very gentle and meticulous when they imagine themselves to be fathers or mothers, but when they actually become fathers or mothers, due to various reasons such as the pressure of life, the worries of work, and the naughty children, etc., they may... He will

Many people are always very gentle and meticulous when they imagine themselves to be a father or mother, but when they actually become a father or mother, due to various reasons such as the pressure of life, the worries of work, and the naughty children, etc., they are mixed together. You may become very grumpy, yelling at your children, and unable to control your emotions.

"Why can't you do little things well? How can you keep a dog and look after the home?" "You and your father have the same virtues. They are bad at everything, don't listen to anything they say, and have the same stubborn temper." "You Do you believe that if you cheat on me again, I will beat you up?”...

I believe that these words are very common conversations in the family. Many parents will express their opinions and opinions unscrupulously at home. speech.

Especially mothers, when they are angry, they will "roar" at their children, but after hearing this, the children can only wipe their tears without daring to say a word.

But you have to know what kind of parents will educate what kind of children. It is impossible for a grumpy parent to cultivate a gentle and patient child.

01.Does your child really need you to scold him like this?

A mother shared in the circle of friends, "I just yelled at my child and I really regret it. I feel sorry for my son who became a victim of my emotional instability."

aroused everyone's sympathy. How many children are silently acting as a punching bag for their parents.

To be honest, does your child really need you to scold him like this?

In fact, many times your anxiety is often more terrifying than the child's problem itself.

For example, a child who has just learned to speak has unclear speech and stutters when he is anxious.

I think many parents will encounter this situation.

Sometimes when my son is in a hurry to tell me something, he will be too anxious to speak clearly. I will listen, tell him to take his time, and allow him to say a few times in one sentence.

Slowly, he no longer had knots in his words, and his expression became more and more fluent.

Some parents are very anxious when they see their children unable to speak clearly. What should they do if their children study in the future? Will he become a stammerer? what to do? After

is controlled by anxiety, parents will pay strict and eager attention to this issue. They may teach patiently the first time, but they will remain the same the second time.

scolded him directly, causing the child to stutter more and more.

A non-serious problem in itself became a real problem due to the influence of parents' anxiety.

02. Do you know how your child feels when you yell at them?

There is a classic picture book in Germany. This picture book is called "The mother who yells when she is angry" . In this picture book, it vividly depicts the inner world of a child who has been yelled by his mother. This picture book The picture book has a high reputation and is often used as a theme for parent-child interaction in kindergartens and primary schools. After reading it, many parents said: After reading it, they began to reflect on themselves and feel sorry for their children. The content of the

picture book is as follows: One day, the little penguin woke up slowly in the morning. The food prepared by the penguin mother for the little penguin was cold, but the little penguin was still lingering, and he was already late for school in a blink of an eye. The mother penguin started to lose her temper with the little penguin, and she yelled angrily at the little penguin.

The roar of the penguin mother frightened the little penguin into scattering, and its head flew into the universe. Its belly fell into the sea. Its wings fell into the tropical rain forest, and its mouth flew to the mountains. And what about its tail? But he didn't know where he was dropped. He was left with only one pair of legs. He ran and ran, wanting to scream, but he had no mouth, he wanted to search, he had no eyes, and he wanted to fly, but he had no wings.

Finally it ran to the Sahara desert, and he felt very tired. At this time, a shadow covered it. It turned out that the mother penguin came to find it in a big boat after losing her temper. It found the baby penguin's missing body parts and helped him replace them.The mother penguin apologized to him, and then they happily drove the boat home.

When parents yell at their children, the child's brain has lost the ability to think and can go blank. At this time, the child will feel very scared in his heart. The mother's roar will make him feel frightened and frightened, and will also make him want to escape and become like a little penguin, with his body becoming "falling apart".

American sociologist Murray Strauss once conducted a study. According to the study, 90% of parents said they had yelled at their children. These parents said: After yelling at their children, they are not afraid that their children will cry or make trouble, and they will reason with them, but they are afraid that their children will turn themselves into silent mode.

These children who have been put into silent mode are full of fear in their hearts. The researchers surveyed and asked these children what they were thinking at the time. Most of the children answered: "I feel so bad, and I am worried that my parents will abandon him."

03. Why do children become more disobedient the more they yell?

. The over-limit effect

There is an interesting phenomenon in psychology called "over-limit effect":

When a person receives too many stimuli, too strong, and for too long, impatience and rebellious emotions will breed in his heart. .

To sum it up with a common saying, it is: If you enter an abalone house, you will not smell the smell for a long time.

When we reprimand the child loudly for the first time, the child is really scared and will behave very honestly and obediently.

However, after being reprimanded loudly enough, the child will become accustomed to these high-intensity "stimulations". It may seem like he is listening to you yelling, but in fact, his attention has already wandered elsewhere and he doesn't care what you are yelling at.

As time goes by, the child realizes that you can do nothing to him other than yelling, so he becomes bold and dares to talk back to you.

. The brain’s escape mechanism

When a person feels strong fear and feels threatened, the brain will activate the emergency escape mechanism, tense up, and always be prepared to escape disaster.

This is human instinct, and children are certainly no exception.

Interestingly, when we scold our children loudly, we often trigger this escape mechanism in the child's brain.

Although the parents are educating their children loudly, all the children can think about is: "Stop scolding, stop scolding! When will it end?"

Finally, after the parents scolded them, they asked: "Will it still be like this in the future?"

The children immediately Acting very honestly, he replied: "No more!"

In fact, the child didn't know what to do in the future. He only knew that the parent's storm of scolding was finally over, and he could breathe a sigh of relief.

04. How to manage children without yelling?

1. When children are disobedient, it is best for parents to do this

. Appropriate cold treatment

When a child behaves unreasonably, parents should use appropriate cold treatment to make the child realize that his behavior is deviant, and then show some restraint. When the child realizes that his behavior is deficient, the parent will preach again, and the child will be more impressed.

. Don’t easily compromise the set rules

When parents announce the set rules to their children, they cannot compromise even if the children cry. Otherwise, children will think that their disobedient behavior is a good way to express themselves to get what they want or to gain inner satisfaction. This is obviously a misunderstanding that leads children into cognitive misunderstanding.

. Face the child’s disobedience, gently but firmly refuse

When the child is disobedient, parents’ impatient criticism or indifference are not suitable. Parents should gently but firmly reject this temptation from their children.A gentle attitude expresses that the child is loved and cared for, while a firm refusal expresses the parent's position.

Although I know that it is inappropriate to "yell" at my children, there are still many parents who cannot restrain themselves. Parents can easily express themselves this way when their children are disobedient. "Yelling" children are more inclined to demonstrate their parents' authority and force them to compromise.

2. How to restrain yourself from yelling at your children?

. Discuss matters as they are

When educating children, try to focus on the problem itself, discuss matters as they are, and do not mix in the emotions that have accumulated for a long time. Otherwise, it will easily cause confusion in the children, and they will not understand which part they have done wrong.

. Maintain sufficient patience

Only by maintaining sufficient patience can parents listen to the true expression of their children's hearts. Maintaining enough patience can help keep your mood stable and be more rational when educating your children.

. Have empathy for children

Only by considering the problem from the child's perspective can you discover the deficiencies in the family education you provide. Education that does not take into account children's feelings will cause harm to the children's hearts. Parents should pay more attention to their children in the process of guiding them.

When faced with a child’s disobedience, it is important for parents to treat it calmly and rationally. Only by ensuring that they are not emotional can they be more able to see what their children really think and find the best entry point for education.

Whether we like it or not, raising children is a process of slow work and careful work. The more hasty it is, the less effective it will be.

Many times, when we relax and have a simple and decisive attitude, many things become clearer!