"This child is good in all aspects, but his personality is too introverted." "Children cannot be too introverted, otherwise they will suffer when they grow up!" I don't know when, [introversion] has been considered a character flaw and a sign of low self-esteem. synonym.

"This child is good in all aspects, but his personality is too introverted."

"Children cannot be too introverted, otherwise they will suffer when they grow up!"

I don't know when, [introversion] is considered to be a character. Synonymous with shortcomings and inferiority complex.

It may mean that the child is unsociable, has difficulty integrating into the group, does not receive attention or is even unpopular; it may also mean that the child is reticent, timid and inexpressive, shy and restrained, and misses the opportunity to express himself at important moments.

Compared with the extroverted personality, which is lively and cheerful, good at socializing and self-expression, introversion is considered bad and wrong by many people.

For this reason, many parents are unwilling to see their children show "introversion" characteristics as they grow up, and they do not want their children to be negatively affected by this personality trait in the future, making them prone to timidity, withdrawal, and social troubles.

But is introversion really a character flaw?

01 Introversion and extroversion are just a type of personality

When we describe a child's personality, the first keywords that may come to mind are "extroversion" and "introversion" , and these two words have also become The first trait that describes personality:

Extroversion is lively and cheerful, sociable, popular, able to seize opportunities to show oneself, and promising...

Introversion is shy and reserved, not talkative, and unsociable Those who can't make friends, those who are easily rejected, those who have no future...

But are introverted children really bad?

In 1921, the famous psychologist Carl Jung proposed the concepts of "introversion" and "extroversion" in "Psychological Types".

There is no distinction between good and bad personalities , but the ways of "obtaining energy" are different.

Children with extroverted personality are good at gaining energy from various social activities and getting along with friends. They love socializing and show their activeness, cheerfulness and confidence to the society.

Introverted children are accustomed to getting energy from their own spiritual world and heart. They prefer to focus on thinking, feeling and experience, and their temperament is more reserved and stable.

The difference in behavior does not mean that introversion is synonymous with being withdrawn, autistic, , and unwilling to make progress.

Introverted children just choose a lifestyle that is more suitable for them. They are good at thinking and their inner world is often more exciting than that of their peers.

Of course, there is also a kind of child's personality, which is between the two. He can enjoy quiet time alone and can also integrate into the excitement of the group. We call it "ambivert".

But whether it is introversion, extroversion or ambiversion, it is just a personality and a "gift" that a child is born with. Introversion is not a defect, and introverted children are not an anomaly.

02 Do introverted children have to cater to others?

For a long time, people have been accustomed to believe that:

Introversion is a shortcoming and is destined to be unpopular in society. Children must learn to change themselves, because outstanding children should be good at expressing themselves, taking advantage of the group, and being popular. .

Under this view, it becomes difficult for children who are naturally introverted to grow up happily. Out of worry, parents always hope that their children can make changes, but sometimes, forced changes will cause children to miss a growth path that is more suitable for them.

The famous writer Susan Cain talked about her growth experience and personality changes in a TED speech:

html When she was 29 years old, Susan Cain discovered when participating in a summer camp that her introverted personality made her stand out in the hustle and bustle of the world. Feeling tortured during party activities and unable to fit in.

When she returned to the dormitory to read and devote herself to her hobbies, her friends in the dormitory did not understand why Susan Kane was so quiet, and the team leader also reminded her that "she should work hard and become more outgoing."

That summer camp activity made Susan Kane feel as if she was out of place. She forced herself to become an extrovert, even though her intuition told her that doing so was wrong.

Later, in order to prove that she became an extrovert, she gave up her dream of being a writer, became a lawyer, participated in various gatherings, and forced herself to actively socialize... However, she lost the advantage that her introverted personality gave her.

After a few years of going around in circles, Susan Cain still became a writer and a speaker, and deeply realized that succumbing to prejudice and forcing herself to change from introversion to extroversion was a mistake. , it’s even more of a loss.

Introversion, as a personality, cannot determine a person's success, nor can it lead a person to failure.

If an introverted child deliberately makes himself extroverted because of the eyes of the outside world, and tries to find a way to live as others expect, then he will not be able to feel happiness because he does not love himself and has lost himself.

03 Destiny opens another window for introverted children

In this world, nearly 1/3 of the people are introverts.

In other words, 1 out of every 3 people has an introverted personality. So even if we ourselves are extroverts, our loved ones, husbands, wives, and children may also be introverts.

Although introverted children are not as popular and liked as extroverted children, they always live in prejudice, are easily affected by other people's opinions, and even self-denial because of it, we cannot ignore introversion just because we see the advantages of extroversion. Strength of character.

Sylvia Loken, a well-known German personality consulting expert, analyzed the typical advantages of introverts in the book "Introverts and Highly Sensitive People":

Caution, focus, self-exploration, good at listening, quiet and independent, good at analysis, good at Writing, perseverance, empathy...

Many poets, writers, painters, scientists, music creators, etc. we are familiar with are introverts:

The famous writer Haruki Murakami once admitted that he is a typical An introvert, he spends 1-2 hours alone every day, running, writing articles, reading... Being alone brings him quiet and deep strength, and is also the source of inspiration for his creations.

The famous scientist Einstein was a person who liked to be alone and think. He once said: "When I was young, I lived a painful life alone. But when I matured, I found that being alone is a very beautiful thing. "

Bill Gates was not a talkative person in his childhood, and he did not like to interact with others. He often stayed alone and studied technology alone...

Because they are quiet, introverts pay more attention to their inner world; because they are alone, Introverts have enough time to think; because of their stronger concentration, introverts can concentrate on studying science and technology.

A study by Harvard University shows that introversion accounts for as much as 70% of successful people. Introverts are shaking the world with a relatively mild force.

As Susan Cain writes in her book:

If you are an introvert, cherish your gifts. You have great perseverance, the tenacity to solve complex problems, and a keen eye to avoid traps that can fetter others.

4

Let the introverted child move to the right position

When you have an introverted child, please do not feel anxious or worried about him, let alone forcefully change the child's personality.

As parents, what we should do is to accept our children, patiently accompany them to grow up, teach them how to love themselves, and encourage them to choose a lifestyle that suits them.

1. Instead of forcing changes, it is better to give recognition

In daily life, when describing a child's personality, we can use "slow-warming" instead of "cannot speak", "like to be alone" instead of "isolated and autistic", to avoid causing children to develop Wrong self-perception and feeling that one is not liked.

When an introverted child feels embarrassed or uncomfortable in social interactions, do not force or rush the child to take the first step.

Excessive urging will put pressure on children. We can first give children a sufficient adaptation period to allow them to observe, feel and get used to it, and then try to guide them to find compatible friends to exchange ideas and share their lives.

When we recognize children, respect their thoughts and wishes, and reduce our denial of children, children will recognize themselves and see their own value.

2. Give full play to your strengths in the appropriate fields.

Don’t set limits for your children because of introversion. Parents should encourage their children to draw on the power of introversion, get rid of external prejudices, and tear off bad labels. Use your strengths in the areas you are good at. Your own strengths, shine and shine.

Although introverted children do not like to socialize and express themselves all the time, they are not withdrawn or autistic.

If your child likes to enjoy time alone, you can create a solitude environment for him and let him enjoy it. At the same time, parents can try to explore their children's talents and abilities and guide them to develop their own interests and hobbies

such as reading, painting, sports, writing... Let the children gain insight into the beauty

When children use the power of introversion to find what they are good at Field may not be a key to socialization, a way to achieve self-confidence.

5

Every child is unique. When raising children, we must not be anxious.

Some children are like the sun, warm, bright, eye-catching, and infect others with their extroverted power;

Some children are like the moon, gentle and bright, quiet and beautiful, and continue to grow with the help of introverted power.

Although the moon seems to become less eye-catching when the sun appears, the sun and the moon have their own advantages and will shine in their own time. No one can replace the other.

Introversion is a flaw at any time.

We should allow introverted children to have a "quiet" childhood, have the courage and confidence to choose to do what they like, without having to change themselves to cater to other people's ideas, only be loyal to their own hearts, in the love of their parents , live a life that suits you