In a society where everyone has a sense of equality, we cannot control and order others. Equality means that everyone has the right to make decisions for themselves. This caused the husband to lose his right to rule over his wife and the parents to lose their right to rule over their children. We often don’t know what to do with our children. Regardless of time and place, children often do things that cause headaches or even irritation to adults. For example, going to an amusement park is supposed to be a fun event for the whole family, but in fact, most of the time, it is difficult for families to have a good time.
We often see this scene: tired and excited children shouting "More" and "Come again", and the irritable parents angrily say: "We can't play anymore!" But soon they start to cry because of the children's screams. And compromise. Annoyed and helpless, dads took out their wallets and spent money they had not planned to spend. Spanking children is not uncommon in such public places. It often ends up with mothers dragging their struggling children home. When they get home, parents will complain: "I knew I shouldn't have taken you out to play!"
Children's behavior in restaurants is often frustrating. They can't sit still in their chairs, keep moving, or run around the restaurant regardless of other people making loud noises. There are also many children who have to be coaxed and persuaded before they are willing to eat. In supermarkets, children often play with the revolving doors and guardrails, run around in the aisles, want to buy this or that, and get angry or cry when they don't get it.
In similar public places, we often see poorly behaved children getting angry, losing their temper, and screaming, while the parents beside them are tired, helpless, and angry. At home, many children are uncooperative and unwilling to take on the responsibility of doing housework. They are often loud, inconsiderate, unruly, and rude. Their behavior often shows disrespect for parents and other elders. They repeatedly confronted their parents, but the parents were unable to do anything.
Disobedient children leave us wondering what to do. We try to appease them by begging, commanding, cajoling, punishing, and bribing them just to get them to behave. A grandmother said frustratedly: "Today's children are really disobedient!" Children's rude and disobedient behavior is so common that parents have become accustomed to it: "Children are like this."
In schools, many children are unwilling to take the responsibility of learning Responsibility. Teachers ask parents to worry about their children's homework, but they cannot tell parents how to guide their children to complete the homework without spanking or preaching.
There are also "problem children", there are more and more news reports on this topic, and these children are committing crimes at an increasingly younger age. The court asked parents not to let their children roam outside at night, but gave no guidance on how to do so. There are more and more research reports on juvenile crime across the United States, but no one can propose effective solutions.
More and more parents feel frustrated and irritable in the process of raising children. Parents want to raise happy and self-disciplined children. In fact, children often feel dissatisfied, bored, depressed, and act arrogant or self-centered. Research by pediatricians and psychiatrists shows that the number of severely mentally disturbed children is growing at an alarming rate.
However, few people really realize the importance of parent education. Parents seem to have lost the ability to educate their children, and the older generation of parents seems to not need anyone to teach them how to raise their children. What exactly is the problem? In the past, there was a socially recognized normative system for raising children, and every parent only had to follow social standards. In modern times, we really need to develop large-scale parent education. Why is this?
Many people say that such a situation occurs because: adults lack a sense of security, are emotionally unstable, have immature thoughts, and are not good role models for children; society lacks moral norms or healthy values, or has no religious beliefs. It is true that the current moral concepts have changed, but in contemporary society, people are paying more and more attention to events that harm society, which shows that the current social moral standards have not declined, but are far higher than before.
Speaking of security, every period has uneasy or depressing events, whether it is World War I , economic panic, or World War II , or atomic bomb explosions, hydrogen bombs explosion etc. We also hear many people say that "today's young parents and children are not mature enough." Maturity is a vague word, usually referring to "not childish". When "immature" is used to describe a person, it also implies that "childishness" is a flaw.
In the name of being "polite" and "socially appropriate," we seem more willing to make people appear sophisticated than to reveal their true feelings. In fact, "maturity" refers to the complete growth of the mind and the full development of potential. Only a few people can recognize and experience this kind of happiness. Perfect maturity takes a lifetime to complete. How can you use "maturity" to ask children or young people?
Also, "Adults have never been good role models for children." In the past, children were not allowed to do what adults did. Adults often say "do as I say" rather than "do as I do". In the realm of religion, clergy and religious parents face the same challenges in disciplining their children as their atheist neighbors.
In the Sunday school of the church, the class often becomes chaotic because some children do not listen to the teacher. Every Sunday school teacher can attest that the same problems that exist in ordinary schools exist in Sunday schools as well, sometimes more severely. The root of the problem is deeply hidden, and these facts suggest that we don’t know what to do with our children. Traditional methods are no longer relevant today, and we haven’t learned the new methods yet.
When it comes to raising children, each social culture gradually develops relatively clear social norms in the process of development. Therefore, studying and comparing early societies is an excellent way to understand parenting norms in today’s society. Different ethnic groups have different traditional cultures and different upbringing styles, and their members have accordingly developed unique behavioral norms, personality traits, and coping methods and habits when encountering difficulties and challenges. Over a long period of time, men, women and children in the group know what others expect of them. Everyone's behavioral patterns are based on cultural traditions developed over a long period of time.
A common phenomenon today is that parents give their children unlimited freedom, but as a result, the children become "little bullies" and the parents become their children's servants. Children enjoy all freedoms and rights, while parents assume all responsibilities and obligations. This is not democracy at all. If parents do this, they will bear the terrible consequences of giving their children too much freedom: they have to cover up for their children, bear punishment for their children, tolerate their children's rudeness, constantly compromise their children's requirements, and lose their influence as parents on their children.
For children, although they don’t understand the reason, they can feel that life has no limits, no restrictions, and no rules to guide them. They do whatever they want without understanding, learning, and adapting to the limitations and rules of collective and social life. Such a state will prevent children from showing due interest in collective life and partner development, making children feel confused and uncomfortable, and causing more problems and challenges.
Clear and clear boundaries can give people a sense of security and make them aware of their position and responsibilities in the social structure. Otherwise, people will feel at a loss. Even if the children keep working hard to "find themselves" and find their own value, they have no direction. We often see many children who can do whatever they want and be arrogant, but they are very unhappy. That's why. Freedom must be accompanied by rules. Without rules, there would be no freedom.
To help our children develop the character and abilities they need to succeed in life, we should change the outdated power-based approach and establish a new approach and order based on freedom and normative responsibility. We can no longer force children to obey absolutely, but should use motivation and encouragement to let children take the initiative to follow the rules. We need to replace outdated traditional ways of parenting with new ones.
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