Public Security University Professor Li Meijin conducted a survey of 1,000 minors. The analysis found that:
Children who are often scolded by their parents at home are the most likely to have personality defects, with 25.7% The children of "inferiority complex, depression", 22.1% of the children are "cold", and 56.5% of the children are often "irritable".
When the child's mind is still immature and is very dependent on his parents, the parents are no less than the gods in the child's heart, the sky above his head, the child is convinced of the parents' words, and the knife in the conversation is fully accepted.
The book "Poisoned Parents" wrote: "Children will not distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas."
can be imagined, How much lethality can almost ruin a child's life.
Yesterday, I received a very sad message in the backstage of the official account:
Later, in the process of communicating with this classmate, I found that he was very young, and his heart was heavy and melancholy. Full of unconfidence.
The casual depreciation and suppression by the father has formed verbal violence. Over the years, it has penetrated into the child's bones and has become a knot that is getting tighter and tighter. It can't be solved by a few words of comfort and encouragement.
As the old saying goes, bad language hurts June cold.
Adults with strong hearts can't bear the verbal violence in their ears every day, let alone an immature child.
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Earlier, a segment of the variety show " Youth Talk " has caused heated discussions.
A girl cried loudly and complained to her mother: "Why do you always compare me with other classmates? Why can't you say anything about me? Why do you never see my efforts?"
But the girl’s mother thought,It is a painstaking effort to prevent the child from being arrogant and complacent.
Even if you are satisfied with your child sometimes, you still have to tell her, "I haven't done well enough to compare with other classmates".
After being belittled by her mother countless times, the girl can no longer bear it. She decided to be brave once and firmly stated to her mother that she was not suitable for such "incentives", and she couldn't bear it in her heart.
However, her mother's next words completely broke her:
"When you are strong, I think I want to shoot. When you think you are weak, I think I want to push you.
The girl left the scene sadly, leaving the audience with a cowardly and desperate back, which made many people cry out for distress.
Although there is no vicious swear word between the mother's words, she reveals full of cold violence, chilling the child's heart.
It is okay to spur children, why use derogatory methods? It's okay to pursue progress, so why make children feel that they are useless?
is unique. In a certain issue of " Metamorphosis ", a pair of father and son who frequently clashed also staged such a scene:
The father found the program group and wanted his son to change. Because in the eyes of this father, the son is both rebellious and irritable, and doesn't listen to his parents at all.
However, in the show, we found that the father is also a personality of "not forgiving people".
For example, he asks his children to wash the dishes. Although the children are unwilling, they still do it honestly.
And then, my father sat in the living room and kept talking: "Before you let it go, if you don't do it, you will be beaten, you know? You can't learn from your cousin?"
The smell of gunpowder filled the father and son, and the son slammed the door and left.
Day after day of hitting, belittling, and scolding, how can a child become a gentle, confident and sunny teenager in such a family environment?
2
Psychologists say:
Parents belittle their children, and they will have a strong sense of inferiority.
When I grow up, in interpersonal communication, there are often shameful emotions, lack of security and trust in people, and always feel that I am not worthy of all the good things in this world.
If things go on like this, it will increase the child's chance of depression .
However, in life, we often see parents belittle their children out of the following mentality:
1. "Derogatory" encourages
to be a parent, who doesn’t want to cultivate a good child and watch the child live What about the ideal life? However, once the mentality of expecting a child to become a dragon becomes excessive, the painstaking efforts of the parents will become a shackles for the child.
The Institute of Journalism and Communication of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences and other institutions have released the "Blue Book for Youth". Through research on students in multiple cities, they have sorted out the "5 words that children hate parents":
① Go and learn /Hurry up and write homework!
② You look at other people's children/you look at other people!
③ No cell phone/No TV/No games!
④ Really useless/stupid!
⑤ I know how to play all day long!
It is undeniable that behind these uncomfortable words, there are parents' encouragement and expectations hidden. Many parents in the comment area said that this is to motivate their children to move forward, awaken their shame, and make their children work hard.
But after a few words, the expected effect has not been achieved. On the contrary, it makes the child more disgusted and more likely to fall into self-doubt.
2. "Derogatory" modesty
Some parents not only rarely praise their children, but also cannot calmly face others to praise their children.
For example, friends and relatives praised: "This kid is so smart!" Being polite and modest, some parents will immediately say: "Ah, he can't do it, it's not as good as your child's grades."
Shine, but forcibly belittled, in order to be considerate of the world.
But these words fell in the child's ears, it was too heartbreaking.Especially in front of outsiders, this negative lethality is enough to convince him.
Children will naturally underestimate themselves and dare not release their inner emotions.
3. "Derogatory" self-projection
If the parents themselves are not good enough and do not have enough voice in the society, they will have an inferiority complex and vent their work pressure on their children.
This situation is not common, but it does exist.
For example, Shen Wei , the formerly popular "wandering master", begged for a living, but was proficient in Chinese classics, with clear thinking and calm temperament, which aroused a lot of curiosity and onlookers.
But Shen Wei commented on himself like this: "I have a sense of depression, and I was at a loss for what to do in front of my father." Shen Wei could only learn according to his father's requirements from an early age.
Once he was discovered that he was reading a book he liked, his father would scold him loudly and brainwashed him and said, "You will never be good for a lifetime".
Later, Shen Wei filled out his university application and was forced by his father to choose an audit major.
Because that is an ideal that my father did not realize, he must realize it.
Later, Shen Wei, after a mental breakdown, ran away begging angrily, resisting the persecution and control of his father for decades in the first half of his life.
The master and the beggar are only between the lines. This line should be the cordon in our hearts.
No matter what kind of mentality it is, it is undesirable to belittle and attack children.
If we always turn a blind eye to children's emotions, even if love is wrapped in this depreciation, it will become a painful memory of a child's life.
The start of school is now delayed. Children are learning online classes at home. Parents control it. It is inevitable that there will be big and small noises; no matter what, children can't learn, low efficiency, and family conflicts continue day by day.
In fact, compared to online courses, the most popular and best-resourced "electronic teaching aid" is the "electronic teaching aid". Take the package learning App as an example.Different from ordinary "electronic textbooks" and "online courses" that are offensive to students, it is a dynamic analysis of textbooks and is matched with textbooks. All textbook knowledge, test questions simulation scenarios, and dynamic presentations emphasize that children can learn independently. ,happy learning.
"Package Learning" App, the exclusive mobile book M-BOOK platform on the whole network, contains 221 dynamic teaching aids, daily updates and special breakthroughs, 345 hours of teacher must brush lessons, 500+ best-selling books, massive value-added resources, to meet the needs of students All aspects of learning requirements. Students love to watch and learn, and when their interest in learning comes up, their learning efficiency will naturally increase, and teachers and parents will be relieved.
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Tagore once wrote in a poem: "Let my love surround you like sunshine, and give you brilliance and freedom."
Living in an environment where there is no lack of love is the luck of a child's life. .
Faye Wong was asked in an interview, "As a parent of a child with an'angel mark', what do you think you can do for the child?"
Faye Wong said:
is to treat her as a normal child. At this stage of the child's growth, the attitude of the parents will greatly affect her.
I look at her now, and I really think she is beautiful, no problem at all.
This answer, simple and open-minded, reveals a mother's deep love for her child.
Later Li Yan is confident and generous and smiles beautifully in front of the camera.
Adler once said that everyone can have low self-esteem, and self-confidence grows step by step as we overcome our inferiority complex.
If a child has accumulated a lot of inferiority complex since childhood, the process of building self-confidence will inevitably be time-consuming. Every step in the future will require more effort and courage than other children.
Life is hard. Everyone has imperfections, children have them, and parents have them too. This is not a reason for us to speak ill of our children.
Don’t put these psychological burdens on your children any more, don’t be stingy with praises to your children,Give them a sincere, warm and sunny love.
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