Zheng Qiao chief physician
People's Liberation Army General Hospital rocket pediatric
if The few-year-old children in the family began to lie to you, I believe that mothers will jump anxiously. “It’s a lie to be so small, and you won’t be a liar when you grow up.” In fact, is a phenomenon that every baby must experience when he grows up. , do you know?
Why do children lie? The parents on the parenting road are very puzzled, usually very worried. In fact, lying a child does not mean that the child has a bad personality. From "telling the truth" to "playing smart", it is a process in which children are trying to explore the world in a more advanced and complex way. today’s sharing is to let everyone learn to appreciate children’s "little cleverness",Lead this kind of "little cleverness" sharing into great wisdom.
2-4 years: Children bouncer
this age group has a rich imagination, living in a fantasy In the world, so they often say something insignificant. Looking at it from another angle, this shows that his intelligence is still in the stage of continuous development. Your child cannot distinguish between what is real and what is false, nor can he distinguish between his dreams and real life.
Sometimes parents will find that a child’s lies are his wishful thinking. A mother of a 4-year-old child asked the kindergarten teacher: "My child takes home a toy from the kindergarten at least a week, and he told me that the teacher said he can take it. Is that true?" Of course not. However, the teacher’s analysis removed the mother’s anxiety and embarrassment: "Children of this age believe that if they really want to own this toy, then this toy must be their own."
Warm reminder: Such a big child will be punished for lying,Not only is it meaningless, it may also have a negative effect. In fact, your tirades about honesty and integrity are just whispers to the child, and your punishment will not let him know the problem. On the contrary, he only knows that he is naughty again, and he will definitely not want to let you know about these naughty things in the future.
Therefore, it will be better to pay more attention to his bad behavior. You can clearly tell your child: "I know you want to own this toy very, very much, but it doesn't really belong to you, it belongs to this mall." This way the child can slowly understand that his own idea of possession is wrong. Of course, parents definitely don’t want to suppress their children’s fantasies, so you can make your children believe in Santa Claus, but you must let your children know that people can’t fly, even with wings.
5-7 years old: escape censure
children approaching school age, they will realize that lying is to solve the problem Or a good way to avoid punishment. Because children want their lies to be more credible, their lies will be better processed. The 6-year-old child already knows that if he tells the teacher that his homework was eaten by the dog, the teacher will definitely not believe it. However, if he says, ‘I’m sick, so I didn’t do my homework’, then maybe he can get through.
There are many reasons for lying,There are many ways, and parents must learn to treat them differently. If he hears you tell your mother-in-law how much you like the sweater she gave you, when in fact you never wear it. Then he will think that lying is allowed. Of course, if he lied to cover up that he didn't brush his teeth, it was just to cover up his mistakes and wrong things.
Warm reminder: Tell children that sometimes white lies are for not hurting the feelings of others. Give your child an example to make him understand this truth more: "For example, when you are invited to his home by a classmate, if you tell him directly that you don’t like him, so you don’t go, then your words will It hurts him and makes him very sad. But if you tell him there are other things you can’t do, it’s not really the truth, but it won’t make him sad and sad."
But if he The lie is just to cover up, then parents should take action on the matter, for example, if the child does not brush his teeth, we should check and supervise him more. And if the child’s lies escalate and reach very serious consequences, he can begin to punish the child, so that he can more intuitively realize that his mistake needs time to be forgiven.
If a child lied to you, what should parents do if they have a chance to lie to you?If you clearly see that the child did it, you still have to ask if you did it. This makes it easy for the child to lie. It is better to point it out directly.
2. Focus on finding a solution instead of just blaming it. "No matter how things happen, the lights are broken. What should we do?"
3. If you are not sure if your child is lying, just trust your intuition: "I think this It’s not like it’s true.”
4. Don’t tell your child: “If you tell the truth, you’re fine.” Instead, you should say, “If you lied, then you There will be even greater troubles." It is a correct attitude to admit something wrong, but not that it is right. But if you conceal it, the problem will be big!
5. Sometimes children lie because they feel that they have not met your requirements, and they think it is better to lie than to fail. So in ordinary education, you need to let your children know and do your best, even mistakes and failures are acceptable.
6. Set an example for children. Children will always imitate the practices of adults, so don’t make “negative teaching materials”! You let your children see your “lie”,It is equivalent to telling the child that this is correct, and you encourage him to do so. (Except white lies)
7. Don’t tag your child as a “liar”. Don't label your child as a "liar" just because of a mistake, and emphasize it over and over again. This will make the child have a rebellious heart, and make him give up on himself: "Don't you say I love to lie? Well, I won't tell the truth in the future!"
8. Atmosphere, don’t let your children be afraid to tell the truth. If the child did make a mistake, he should teach him how to make up for his fault. The corresponding punishment can be punished, but it is not verbal abuse or severe beating.
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