If your child makes a mistake, how will you educate him? Should I patiently persuade you, or should I treat you with the same method as ?
Xiaofan Mom accidentally saw such a video when she was watching the news.
A little boy grabbed the hair of a dog at home. When the mother saw it, she scolded him loudly. Seeing that the child became more and more active as she played, the mother rushed over to pull the child's hair for justice, which made the boy cry loudly.
Mom said that this is done by for to make children feel empathetic . And if you don’t educate your children well, someone will educate them in the future.
After watching the video, I really feel sorry for this child. Although the mother's original intention is good, she used the wrong method, which not only did not have the effect of education, but also scared the child to cry.
If mothers use this method to discipline their children for a long time, I am afraid that their childhood will really leave a shadow.
01 Why do children pull dog hair?
Since the mother wants her child to think from the perspective of others, then let’s change to the position of the child to think about whether his behavior is reasonable or not.
From the video, this baby looks only one or two years old. At first, he pulled the dog's hair and should be just an exploration behavior. It's like the child pulling it curiously when he saw the thread on the edge of the clothes.
Children's cognitive ability has not yet developed to the level of understanding that "pulling dogs with hair can hurt dogs".
The reason why children get more and more excited is most likely because of the loud stop from their parents. In the eyes of children, pulling dog hair caused the result of "mom and dad talking loudly", which is a major discovery.
And the heavier you pull, the louder your parents’ voices will be. Isn’t this as fun as our first time we have come into contact with voice-controlled household appliances? Who hasn’t chatted with Siri and Xiaodu and other artificial intelligence when they were alone?
If the mother can change her position to the child, she will understand that The child has no malicious intentions towards the dog and does not provoke the parents . He really doesn't know that he has done something wrong.
Therefore, when the mother suddenly pulled the child's hair, the child was only confused and afraid of . From the crying, it can be heard that he was really in pain and was really scared.
However, his cognitive ability is still very limited after all, and he cannot connect his mother's hair pulling behavior with his dog hair pulling and thinking from the perspective of others. Therefore, no matter how hard the mother takes, it will not be effective in educating her children. Children are at most afraid of their mothers.
If the mother has been educating her children in this simple and crude way, the child may become timid and obedient to , and will also think that weak people should listen to the strong ones , otherwise they will be punished. This is not the concept that the mother wants to pass on to the child.
02 When encountering such problems, how should parents educate them?
1. Don’t yell
First of all, you should not yell when you see any inappropriate behavior in your child. For young children, will only make them more excited , thereby strengthening improper behavior.
The correct way to do it is to communicate with your child in a calm tone.
For harmful behaviors such as pulling dog hair, beating people, and throwing things, parents should immediately walk to their children to stop , grab the child's hand, or hold him away.
Actions are far more efficient and deterrent than languages!
2. Teach children the correct way to do it
Young children have weak cognitive abilities and parents use preaching methods to educate, which often has poor results.So it is better to tell the children the correct way to do it and repeat and strengthen it continuously. let the children use their bodies to remember what is right .
only tells the child what he cannot do. With his intelligence, he cannot think of the answer to "how should he do it".
Take dog hair as an example. Mothers can quickly walk to the child, grab his hand, look at his eyes, and tell the child seriously, "The dog will hurt, it should be touched like this", and then grab the child's hand and gently caress the dog .
After the child does it, we can immediately strengthen it, "The baby does it really well, that's it, touch it gently."
Children will increase the behavior of touching dogs due to our recognition. Gradually, 's behavior of pulling dogs is replaced by .
3. Cultivate empathy should take it slowly
Thinking from the perspective of others is indeed a very important lesson in the growth process of children, but it is not useful if your mother yells for a few words.
Not to mention such a young child, he has not developed the ability to think from the perspective of others. Even if you are older, your child needs long-term practice to learn slowly.
Mothers hope that verbal education and punishment will allow their children to immediately understand the principle of thinking from the perspective of others. It is really a bit too hasty.
From the perspective of Child psychology , the development of empathy (that is, what we often call thinking from the perspective of others) is a very slow process.
Children need to reach after after 1, then can distinguish themselves from others and understand what "me" is and what "you".
2-3 years old , and the children began to show empathy, but at this time, they were still in the self-centered stage of cognition of , and they could only think about the problem from their own perspective.
If you ask a 3-year-old child to choose a gift for you, he will probably choose what he likes, not what you like. That's the reason.
After the age of 63, children's empathy further developed. They gradually realized that other people's feelings and thoughts may not be the same as themselves:
I like to eat cakes, dad likes to eat bananas, I should give dad bananas instead of cakes.
Until after the age of 66 , with the significant improvement of social cognitive ability, children begin to understand others' situation and can try to think about problems from the perspective of others.
It seems that the little boy in the video still has a long way to go before he can "think from the perspective of others". Mothers can cultivate children's empathy by frequently discussing feelings with their children, establishing emotional vocabulary, and reading emotional picture books .
But first of all, mothers must think from the perspective of others and empathize with their children , and become a role model for their children, so that their children can learn to empathize. Otherwise, all efforts will be in vain.
03 Lastly,
The wrong way of education, the harder it is, the more it will only hurt the child.
What do you think of this mother’s educational method? If it were you, what would you do with ? welcomes leaving a message to discuss.
I am Xiaoyang's mother, a master's mother in Fudan, an early education instructor, and author of the parenting book "Understanding Psychology, Parenting is Simple". If you like my articles, follow me.
