Pay attention to [Family Education Ming Ma] to be powerful parents!
Before studying family education, I, like most mothers, were reluctant to see their children sad and sad. I always tried my best to meet my children's requirements, and I had no sense of boundaries. I like to take care of everything. I don’t understand family education, and I don’t know when to discipline a child and when not to.
Over time, children not only have weak hands-on skills, but are also self-centered. They believe that others should treat him like their mothers. They like to shirk their responsibilities, blame and blame others. This makes it difficult for children to adapt to school. life.
My arrangement allows children to get used to calling me whenever they have problems. I also habitually give my children a lot of suggestions "Son you are like this" and "Son you are like this". It seems to have solved the child's problems at the time, but the child I have become dependent on me, the parent-child relationship is getting worse and worse, and the children's ability to deal with problems, sense of value, and self-confidence are getting weaker and weaker.
Unbounded awareness, the child lacks responsibility, parent-child conflict
"I want to call you several times? I won't get up again, I have to be late again today! Is it glorious to be late for the penalty station?" I couldn't afford to grind, and I was anxious and started nagging and accusing the child.
"Stop shouting, don't shout anymore. Waiting for you to be punished by the teacher when you are late, something that is not motivated!" Burning with anger, suppressing the anxiety and anger in my heart for a long time, it will explode the feeling of the pot.
I called my child to get up for several days. After repeated failures, I lost my patience in anxious state.
"It's all because of you, why didn't you wake me up? I was punished for being late and I was punished. Are you satisfied now!", as soon as I entered the house after school at night, the child threw his schoolbag on the sofa and started Complain about me.
I am naturally not to be outdone: "You know that you play mobile games every day, sleep in bed late, and have your face to blame me!"
From March 2010 to January 2013,From the time when the child was tired of school from the second year of middle school to the first year of high school, this scene was common in the family. I and the child blamed each other and complained and became the normal life.
During that time, the child was not motivated to learn and often stayed in bed, worried that he would be punished after being late, and would conflict with the teacher and enter a vicious circle. I was anxious every day.
This kind of anxiety makes me unable to see the child’s pain and helplessness. Every day is all kinds of urging and nagging. Only if he goes out on time, I can feel at ease. For this, the child has frequent conflicts with me and both suffer from each other. Unbearable.
I was anxious because I reminded my children to get up and often conflicted with them because I didn't draw a clear line with them and took care of their affairs.
I didn’t realize my family’s learning until January of my life. The only thing we can grasp about other people's affairs, God's affairs, is our own affairs.
A large part of the child’s dislike of learning is that his self-confidence is frustrated. We pay special attention to academic performance. In addition to learning, children’s lives are mobile games. Children lose many opportunities to experience and do things in real life. Self-confidence comes from constantly doing one thing after another.
To reshape the self-confidence of the child, I first need to draw a clear line with the child, return the responsibility, and let the child have more opportunities to do things.
Past misperceptions. I value learning and grades too much. The child thinks that learning is mine and not his business. The child will naturally not worry about learning. In addition to interpersonal problems, it will be very hard for the child to get up. It's easy to understand.
The lack of motivation for children to study in bed has a lot to do with my previous cross-border and replacement arrangements.Therefore, I must trust the child and return the responsibility that belongs to the child to him.
For example: getting up, studying, tidying up one's room, washing one's own clothes, taking on some housework and so on.
Returning so many responsibilities at once, the child can't take it. In order to get out of the painful state before, I plan to start with the most difficult problems of getting up and learning.
If a person thinks that it is not his business, of course he will not take the initiative. So, when the child was in a good mood, I told the child: Son, everyone has their own responsibilities. Getting up and studying are your own affairs. Because the mother didn't study before and didn't understand, so arranged instead of a lot.
Starting today, your mother will no longer remind you to get up, and your mother will not interfere with your studies. Mom believes that you can handle your own affairs.
No, I can't do it myself, you must remind me to get up! The son is very upset.
In order to take care of the child's emotions and give the child a time to adapt, I have agreed with the child: this week to remind you once a day, and you will start to adjust the alarm clock next week.
Frozen three feet is not a day's cold. How can the habit formed in 16 years be adjusted so quickly! During the period of
, the child was late several times. When I went home and complained about the teacher, I did not make sense or blame him. I just stayed patiently and agreed with his feelings.
Occasionally, "Yes, it's a bit embarrassing", "Well, I will feel embarrassed if I change it", "Son, I have gotten up earlier and earlier recently, and I would like to give you a thumbs-up for your persistence."
After a period of persistence, the child finally develops the sense of responsibility to get up. I was also relieved a lot, and the tense parent-child relationship began to ease.
Distinguish responsibility, Home-School Cooperation
Before studying family education, I was most afraid of dealing with teachers if I was not confident and not learning.
Learning made me understand: all problems are related problems! The essence of a child’s weariness is that there is a problem with the relationship between the teacher and the classmates. You need to help your child deal with the relationship with teachers and classmates first.
Although learning is an agreement and cooperation between the child and the teacher, the teacher's support and encouragement to the child is particularly important.
Therefore, my responsibility and what I need to do when it comes to children's learning is to pay attention to the combination of home and school, care more about the work and life of the teacher, connect more with the teacher, establish a good relationship, and be a good child A bridge with the teacher, constantly conveying confidence to the teacher.
No, the teacher is also an ordinary person who has to work and live, and his energy is very limited. With so many students, I don’t pay attention to it and don’t take the initiative to contact the teacher. Why is the teacher in my child? More thoughts?
So, I have to face the teacher. I mustered up the courage to find the head teacher first. The teacher's enthusiasm and love touched me a lot. The teacher even arranged for me for an hour when I was so busy, and I was really grateful to him. I talked a lot with the teacher that day, and now I still remember some:
Teacher, this state of the child troubles you and makes you bother, because my family education was lacking before, and the relationship with my lover was not good. I am very emotional and make my child feel very insecure.
I spoiled and arranged too many replacements, which led to my child’s lack of self-confidence and self-centeredness. I don’t know how to get along better with teachers and classmates. The child is now very helpless and there are many internal interferences that make him unable to Study with confidence.
You are a good teacher who is very responsible and caring. You may have given up your child if you change to another teacher! Meet you,It is a blessing for me and my children.
The child is actually very self-motivated. He is also eager to catch up with his studies. Now I am studying family education. I hope the teacher will help me more and support me and my child.
Later, I got in touch with the teachers in various subjects to understand the situation of the children, and often went to school to seek help from teachers. Children with low self-confidence, study-weariness, and poor interpersonal skills will make teachers particularly troublesome.
Therefore, every time I meet with the teachers, I will thank the teachers from the bottom of my heart, take on the responsibility of the lack of family education, and continue to convey confidence to the teachers.
As I changed, the parent-child relationship began to ease. During that time, the children would talk to me about conversations before they went to study when they came home. I will help him understand the teacher's hard work and difficulty, and let him understand and accept his classmates more.
Because his attitude has changed, teachers and classmates will naturally change their previous attitudes towards him, so the relationship between the child and the teacher and classmate has also improved, and the child is no longer afraid of going to school.
With the restoration of the relationship between husband and wife, the child's learning status has become more active than before.
I often recite history, politics, and geography, write math homework until 1 am, and my history notes are praised by the teacher.
After more than a month of hard work, the children's monthly test scores have risen by more than 70 points, and the children's self-confidence has also improved a lot, becoming more and more sunny and cheerful.
Cooperate with home and school, distinguish responsibilities, and focus on what you can do and what you should do,Establish more links with teachers and pass on confidence to teachers, so that children can be better assisted.
Cultivate children's sense of responsibility, which requires patience, gentleness and firmness
It is human nature to covet peace, why can I insist on getting up early to cook every day? That's because if I don't do it, no one will do it for me. Children and their lovers will go to work and study hungry. This is my responsibility and what I should do.
Therefore, the most important thing in cultivating a child's sense of responsibility is to make the child realize that this is what I should do. If I don't do it, no one will do it for me.
Once, my son washed his underwear for a few days in a row, reminding him that he only promised no action. I was really anxious, and I wished to help him wash it, but thinking of the teacher’s words in class: "Boundary generates responsibility"," Don't always think about doing something for your child, but always remind yourself not to do something for your child."
I told myself silently: Be patient, and be patient. This is the child's own business. You must hold back and don't take care of it instead.
The next night, after taking a shower, his son laughed: there is no change of underwear today, and all 4 underwear must be washed in a while.
There was another time my son caught a cold. After taking a shower at night, the son said: Mom, you can wash my clothes today. I feel sick and don't want to wash it.
I said: washing clothes is your business, do your own business. The son said: I wash it by myself every day, so please help me today.
I said patiently: Son, it’s really hard to get a cold. You can do your own clothes. Mom really can’t help you anymore. Sometimes moms have to insist on doing housework when they are sick and unwell. Let's wash after you rest.
Sometimes children want to be lazy, and when they ask for help, I smile and ask: Son,Whose business is that? Do your own things.
After a period of accumulation, my son knows that I will not help him anymore. Therefore, my son now changes the water dispenser, washes the dishes after meals, and washes his own clothes. "Going to the supermarket to carry heavy bags" and "throwing out trash" are all regarded as part of their own business.
Returning responsibility cannot be achieved overnight. It requires us to have more patience and time for ourselves and our children. It requires us to be gentle and firm.
Positive feedback, inspire the inner motivation of the child, and increase my self-confidence in my child so long since I have been learning _ph120h1 p0 Is the child's self-confidence still not significantly improved? What can we do to improve my child's self-confidence?
Once in a class, the teacher's words woke me up: people only have a sense of accomplishment and value when they continue to give, be needed by others, and serve others. The stronger the sense of value, the stronger the self-confidence.
A person’s self-confidence is his belief in himself, and he needs to keep doing things, insisting on accomplishing one thing after another, so that he can truly believe in himself.
Children like to eat silkworm potatoes, garlic pork ribs and shredded pork with Beijing sauce. I encourage them to prepare the ingredients by themselves and help them do it themselves.
When a child makes a dish through my own efforts, I will enjoy the fruits of the child's labor while complimenting the child for his patience and focus in doing things, thanking him for his dedication.
When the child has taken on housework and contributed to the family, I will give the child a positive feedback in time, so that the child feels that his contribution is valuable.
For example:
son, today you swept the floor and threw away the garbage in time to make our home more tidy and comfortable, thank you!
Son, we decorate the house. You help design and choose materials. Because of you, my father and I are much easier to worry about.
Son, not only do your potatoes cut quickly, but they also have very thin skins. It can be seen that you are really hard at work.
Son, my mother's hands hurt during this period. You wring my face wash every day and cook for me every day. Mom feels so happy!
My non-crossing boundaries and timely positive feedback give children more motivation to persist in doing things. When a child makes one result after another, his practical ability, sense of accomplishment, sense of value, and self-confidence have been greatly improved.
If you are reading the article, if you feel anxious because of your child's learning problems, it is very likely that you have crossed the line and took care of the child!
Our unbounded, arranged, let children lose a lot of opportunities to develop hands-on skills, but also deprive children of a lot of sense of accomplishment and sense of value, so that children's self-confidence is weakened little by little.
We will leave our children sooner or later, we can't always spoil them. Only we draw a clear line from the behavior and consciousness level with the children, do not cross the boundary and do nothing, do our own business, and do not interfere with the children's affairs.
Only children will develop the sense of responsibility and autonomy to "do their own things by themselves". In the process of constantly doing things, his sense of value, sense of accomplishment, and self-confidence will also be greatly improved.
Only when we continue to learn and have the ability to divide responsibilities and boundaries with children, can we achieve "not crossing boundaries and returning responsibilities" and be gentle and firm to give children more opportunities to do things.
When a child assumes responsibility or contributes to the family, we must recognize and affirm the child's dedication and hard work in a timely manner to stimulate the child's motivation to do things.
When a child accomplishes one thing after another through his perseverance and hard work, he will believe that he has the ability to do something. In this way, the child's self-confidence will be reshaped.
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Adolescence Absence of School 3: How to repair the parent-child relationship
I am Ming's mother, a happy mother who accompanies her children out of the Internet, and conveys confidence and strength in words, and helps you to make your journey easier!
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