I have seen a psychology experiment.
Psychologists gathered 60 men and 60 women, all of whom were in a state of love and marriage.
Then, the researchers compared the partners of these people participating in the experiment with their parents.
Results show that
60 male participants had more than half of their partners, all of whom looked very similar to their mothers.
And 60 female participants found that most of them had their personalities very close to their fathers.
This experiment shows a conclusion:
In intimate relationships, the partner looks for people often look for in accordance with their "parents of the opposite sex".
Boys will look for people who are more similar to their mothers to become partners, and girls will look for people who are more similar to their fathers to be together.
Some people say: This is fate, and some people say that this is the constant repetition of life.
So, from a psychological perspective, how should we analyze this "mate selection model"?
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Similarity theory: Repeat the life of the native family
What is the similarity theory?
is the subconscious mind of a person, which will affect a person's choices, life and behavioral habits.
For example:
In your native family, you had a good relationship with your parents in childhood, and the whole family got along very well.
Then, on the road to choosing a partner as an adult, one of the primary criteria for finding a partner is:
"You must be kind, have a good character, and be able to give you the same feeling as your parents."
That is a sense of security, tolerance, understanding and companionship.
In intimate relationships, the similarity theory is based on the "subconscious".
In other words:
What is the emotional state of your parents, it will basically affect your lifelong marriage.
Betrayal gene:
Research shows that when a family, the elders in the family have the experience of "betraying marriage", including grandparents and parents; then, children who grow up in this family environment are also very likely to betray the marriage.
Completely copied:
Parents are loving and have never had too much quarrel in their lives; the father is responsible, responsible, and the mother has a good personality and is kind.
People who grew up in this native family environment are eager to completely copy the emotional relationship between parents in their hearts.
But for such people, the path to finding a partner is also the most difficult.
desire to escape:
As the name suggests:
They cannot tolerate their parents' patterns of getting along.
Parents always quarrel, there are endless conflicts every day, and there are even domestic violence.
My father has a bad temper, and my mother has a more bad temper. The two of them are like enemies and have quarreled for life. Children who grow up in an environment like
are all in the bones of "I want to escape".
Sadly, they finally found a partner who was very similar to their parents without realizing it.
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In native families, parents' positive and negative emotions affect
Generally speaking, there are two types of native families getting along with each other.
Category 1:
Make children feel relaxed, comfortable, happy, and full of security. Parents have harmonious relationships, happy marriages, good character and good tutoring.
Category 2:
makes parents feel nervous, anxious, scared, full of anxiety and hatred. Parents always quarrel, engage in domestic violence, and scold them, and their parents have experiences of being unfaithful to their relationship.
The first type of model will bring positive emotional and personality effects to children.
The second type of model will bring negative and bad personality effects to children.
What phenomenon will this cause?
Psychologically believes that:
The deepest level in people's hearts is "seeking profit and avoiding harm", hoping to routinely affect the negative environment.
Therefore, those children who are affected by the "negative environment" try hard to escape from their original families during their growth.
Getting admitted to university, you must register for a city far away from home;
After working, you must work hard to make money and settle in another place.
Their subconscious has a voice: "I want to stay away from a bad family."
Why do some people want to escape and eventually fall into the "destiny of reincarnation"?
share a case with you:
A girl was admitted to college and was specially admitted to a city thousands of kilometers away.
From college to getting married, I have only returned home twice.
Once when college is about to graduate, and once when marriage is approaching.
She hates her father very much because he is violent, drunk and abused, has a bad temper and a bad personality; while her mother is cowardly and can't tell her clearly, and she vents all the pain she has endured on her.
Only under the dual physical and mental stress of her parents did she desperately escape from her family.
She kept hinting to herself:
"I must not marry a man like my father, otherwise I would rather be alone for the rest of my life."
Guess what happened in the end?
She still found a partner who has a tendency to abuse .
got married for one month, and the boy slapped her twice in the face after getting drunk.
And she was also very decisive and rational. Without saying a word, she took her in-laws to the Civil Affairs Bureau to divorce. What does this case show about
?
shows that the human subconscious mind will also "modify, strengthen and repeat" your memories and emotions.
Some people know that their parents are very bad, but the pain brought by their original family is profound; but their subconscious mind still produces a sound:
"I want to save my bad original family, I can definitely change my destiny."
This reminds me of a sentence: "Unfortunate people, spend their whole life to heal their childhood."
Summary:
Why do you have a shadow on your partner?
1. The influence of similarity theory: three views, growth environment, and interaction mode.
2. The subconscious influence brought to you by the original family
3. The personality and pattern of parents are copied into your own feelings by you.
4, Escape or Rescue emotional impact.
Today’s topic:
Is there any shadow of your parents in your lover?
(Article pictures are from the Internet)
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