A long time ago, when I was still studying psychology in school. There is a saying in Morita therapy: "Let nature take its course and do what you should do."
Although he said it at the time, he understood what it meant. But in fact, I have always had a question in my mind: "The client comes to seek help because he wants to change his symptoms. But you tell him to 'let nature take its course'?" Since I had always been a good student at the time, and Morita therapy sounded like a very powerful therapy, I naturally did not dare to question him openly.
But on the other hand, I also think that this method would be quite effective if it works. I want to play games, and then I just "let nature take its course" and play games - "do what I should do." Over time, I won’t be able to play games anymore.
With such an idea that I didn’t really believe in, I started playing games “without psychological conflict”...
Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I graduated from college that I discovered that I still love playing games!
Morita therapy seemed to have no effect...
Later, after I left school. I was once very proud of myself as a psychology graduate. Whenever someone asked me, "How can I change a behavior I don't like," I would act like a wise monk and say, "First you have to accept the behavior, and then you can change it."
This approach worked particularly well at first. Everyone thinks that I am a truly enlightened monk - I think so myself.
But gradually, some people began to question my "acceptance theory": I accepted it, why haven't I changed?
This time, it made me panic!
Fortunately, I remembered that my teacher once said that you must "accept your own disapproval."
As if I had grasped a life-saving straw, I replied: "The reason why you haven't changed is because you don't really accept it."
The other party asked: "What should I do?"
"Then you have to accept your non-acceptance first."
...
What a perfect argument: because as long as you accept it, you will change. If there is no change, it means you have not accepted it. At this time you have to accept your disapproval. In other words, as long as there is no change, it is not accepted.
So is this the case?
In principle, it is correct. However, the concept of "acceptance" is not clearly explained here. "Acceptance" is just regarded as an action similar to "behavior". It seems that when I say "I accept" to myself, I am doing the acceptance thing.
But the first thing to do for true acceptance is to see.
What is the motivation behind seeing your own problems? For example, I love playing games. First, why do I love playing games so much? What is the psychological motivation behind playing games? What happens if I don't play games?
Many people's so-called acceptance only goes to this step, thinking that I see that I love playing games, and I accept that I love playing games, so I will just play games well. This is not acceptance, but indulgence. What is the second step in the adoption of
? face!
What I faced was that when I discovered that the reason why I loved playing games was probably because I wanted to escape from the real-world problems such as study and work that made me anxious. Playing games allows me to not have to think about real life issues at least during game time. If I don’t play games, I will be anxious, irritable, and panicked.
These emotions require us to truly understand and feel them with our hearts. And because we have used this "playing games" mode to escape for a long time, which has superimposed greater anxiety than it should have, we need to face this method to dissolve and vent our emotions.
The third step in acceptance is understanding. What does
understand? Understand why our emotions come from? Understand that behaviors we don’t like like “playing games” don’t come to us for no reason.On the contrary, we ourselves have chosen such behavior to escape our inner feelings. Only when this understanding occurs will we realize that we are our own masters and that we have the ability and responsibility to change ourselves. Only by taking responsibility can real change occur.
After completing the above three steps, acceptance begins to happen gradually.
Some people may ask, will there be changes at this time?
Yes. At this time, when acceptance truly happens, we will change. Unfortunately, sometimes the so-called change is not the change you expected.
We all hope that by accepting the fact that I play games, I can stop playing games. But most of the time, what we may really have to accept is that I still think about playing games all the time, but I can do things like work or study with this thought in mind. I need to accept that I have to live in this state for a while, even a long time.
Speaking of this, I thought again of the eight words of Morita therapy: "Let nature take its course, and do as you should."
At this moment, I suddenly realized that I had always understood these eight words of Morita therapy as: "Let nature take its course, and do whatever you want."
This is really a slight difference, and it is a thousand miles away!
I don’t remember who said this: "The real growth is that when I see all the darkness in this world, I still love this world."
Such a person, it is the same!
I hope that after you see all the imperfections in yourself, you will still love yourself like this.
The article is reprinted with permission from: Wu Yuren’s WeChat public account, author: Huang Qijing.
