Because I studied away from home since I was a child, I developed an independent, self-reliant, and unyielding personality. I demand perfection in everything I do, and I will deny and attack myself if I make the slightest mistake.

Author: Sui Suijinghao (56 years old, retired)

After learning the eight-step mindfulness method, I reflected on my past life and found that my anxiety was directly related to my previous cognition and personality.

Because I studied away from home since I was a child, I have developed an independent, self-reliant, and unyielding personality. I demand perfection in everything I do, and I will deny myself and attack myself if I make the slightest mistake. Driven by this concept, I have achieved excellent results since I was a child, worked steadily, and am a leader in everyone's eyes.

After graduating from normal school, I became a teacher and continued to uphold the perfectionist style of doing things in my work and life: In order to keep my home clean and tidy, I would give up my lunch break to clean up; in order to have a high-quality open class, I would prepare lessons until late at night; in order to get good grades for all the children in the class, I would give up my rest after class to tutor them...

Overworked like this over and over again, my body was seriously overdrawn. Especially in the past few years, it has become more prominent as we age, and we often suffer from insomnia, cold sweats, and colds every now and then.

I retired in September 2021. During that time, my mother broke both legs due to an accident, and I served her for two months with no clothes on. The triple pressure of anxiety, pain, and the loss that retirement brought me completely crushed me. Insomnia every night and various physical discomforts are the internal causes of the disease.

The external cause was an unexpected phone call in March this year (2022). I was told that I was a positive close contact, but it was actually an oolong incident caused by a wrong phone number. Although the matter was quickly explained, I fell completely into the abyss of pain.

All the symptoms of anxiety disorder come one after another: fast heart rate, high blood pressure, which cannot be lowered even after taking medicine. So my daughter took me to the hospital for a full physical examination, and the results were positive.

There was nothing I could do. My daughter sent a series of tests on my heart to her schoolmate who worked in the Department of Cardiology at Beijing Hospital. She was told that the results were normal and she suggested that I see a psychiatrist. Following the advice, I went to a psychiatrist, and this time I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

The doctor prescribed medicine for me. Even after taking the medicine, my symptoms were still very serious. Panic attacks happen from time to time. When there was really no other way, I went to a psychiatrist for several psychological consultations. Psychological counseling was indeed effective at the time, but it still caused trouble later.

I was afraid of meeting people, getting on elevators, and driving. I would often cry uncontrollably and lose interest in everything. This situation lasted until July this year.

Perhaps it was a coincidence that I came across Teacher Zai Qingtian’s short video, and the content he talked about was very similar to my situation. So I signed up with the mentality of giving it a try. From August 1, a nine-week class on the eight-step mindfulness system began.

When I first started learning, I was confused and doubtful. I was confused because no matter how much I listened to the video lessons and did the exercises, it seemed to have no effect; my mind kept wandering, but the symptoms were still as severe; and I was suspicious because I felt that I had made the wrong choice and was not suitable for learning mindfulness.

But the teacher’s patient guidance in the group and the friendly encouragement from my classmates convinced me to keep studying. In the second week of learning, I suddenly discovered to my surprise that observing breathing and body scanning are particularly effective in practicing concentration.

I do these two exercises whenever I feel flustered or irritable. When learning to be aware, it is always impossible to establish a sense of space in the brain. Then I remembered what the teacher said: mindfulness is experience, not thinking; the concept of mindfulness is to just work hard without asking about the results.

So I repeated the exercises. I don’t know one day when I suddenly had an epiphany and gained a sense of space.

Whenever I feel confused, I think of what the teacher said. During this period of learning mindfulness, the lessons of allowing, carrying, detaching, caring, and acting have been the most helpful to me.I still remember the golden words that the teacher said in it, such as:

• When you have no power, just think about the three powers of mindfulness (gentleness, tinyness and persistence).
• allows you to vent your negative emotions.
• Doing what you have to do means doing what you have to do with pain.
• You only suffer because you are always paying attention to it.
• Thoughts are not facts. Let your thoughts come and go freely, like clouds in the sky.
• Care is self-acceptance and self-care.
• Action is to face the pain directly, not to avoid it, and to let go of the controlling behavior, which is desensitization.

The three powers of mindfulness run through the entire process of my study. Every day I have to review the three powers of mindfulness. There is also self-care. Whenever I put my hands on the most uncomfortable part of my body, once I feel the warmth of my hands, the uncomfortable feeling decreases a lot.

I have been learning mindfulness for four months, and I feel that I have really gained a lot. The specific points are as follows:

. My behavior style has changed. I used to be a perfectionist. I wanted perfection in everything and would deny myself if I made any mistakes. But now I am much calmer and allow myself to make mistakes because I am a human being and not a god.

. Learned to perceive life. is good at discovering and appreciating neutral things in life without falling into his own world of thinking and negative emotions.

. Learned to pay attention to the present. In the past, I would often fall into memories of past events, full of regret and self-blame, unable to extricate myself; now I have learned to say goodbye to past negative events and emotions, and understand that turning the page and letting go are the real letting go.

5. Changed perception. I used to worry about the future a lot, and because of this I would have inexplicable fear, which made me miserable. Now I understand that thoughts are not facts, and I need to perceive life and live in the present.

In short, mindfulness has brought me not only the elimination of symptoms, but also taught me how to live. Purity, peace, and taste are the direction of my future life.

Here is my specific learning method:

1. Practice body scanning, resting and observing breathing several times a day.
2. I walk about 2 kilometers every day with mindfulness. This is very effective in correcting my random thoughts.
3. listen to the video lessons over and over again. From the end of the class on October 3 to now, I have listened to it from beginning to end twice and taken detailed notes. I have learned something new every time.
4. Repeat the key audio exercises, follow the teacher's instructions, and carry forward the Forrest Gump spirit .
5. html I have never slacked off since the end of the 19-week class, and I have persisted until now, four months later.
6. Record small or long pleasant things every day.
7. records the four elements in my heart every day and has completed 2 diaries.

Since learning, I have copied the scriptures five times and the three powers of mindfulness countless times, hoping to become familiar with them.

Finally, let me tell you about three tips that I have used in practice:

1. Whenever I fall into the world of thinking, I will silently recite "Today's Heart" three times, and I will return to the present moment.
2. When I feel particularly uncomfortable, I put my hand on the most uncomfortable part and soothe it with the warmth of my hand. After a while, the pain is gone.
3. When I feel irritable, I will open the teacher’s video class and listen to it for a while and I will feel much better.Teacher

said: Mindfulness really solves the problem of happiness, and eliminating symptoms is just a by-product of it. Healing the soul starts with learning mindfulness. Mindfulness is a good medicine for us to move towards happiness and joy!

So, I want to say: mindfulness is our lifelong practice, let the light of mindfulness illuminate our way forward!