Someone asked me: Teacher Wang, if there is a person living with you for a long time, such as your parents or lover, which of his personality traits is the most important and precious? Which part of his personality are you most likely to deal with?
I said: Quiet! Quiet! If you add another one, it will be gentle. If a person has both quiet and gentle personality traits, if he is enough and completely content, you will definitely be able to enjoy happiness!
Other advantages are not important, because the two personality traits of quietness and softness will bring out other advantages. A very quiet and gentle person will not betray you, or the possibility of betraying you is very small, and he will not hurt you.
Let’s look at quietness first, If a person’s heart is very quiet, it means that he is very stable inside. From the perspective of neuroscience , is the central nervous system gamma aminobutyric acid and 5-hydroxytryptamine have very developed functions. The activation degree of these two neurotransmitters is very high. is because gamma aminobutyric acid affects the stability of the brain, and serotonin affects the balance of the brain. Even if there is balance and stability, a person becomes very quiet.
What does quiet mean? It means stability and tranquility. If a person can calm down, he will definitely not be arrogant, be impatient, be annoyed, be nagging or talkative, do not like to quarrel, do not like to fight against you, do not like to pick on things, and do not say anything right or wrong.
This is a great advantage in a person's personality.
I saw a woman in the community yard yesterday. She seemed to be about the same age as me, and maybe she was a little older than me. For a little bit of a small thing, she quarreled with her husband. She was so fierce and very angry.
I was thinking in my heart: You have lived to this age, it is almost over, the book of life is about to end, I still don’t know how to change my temperament, you are such a confused person!
When the quality of quiet cannot return to you, your life will fail. And a quiet person, don’t look like he is weak, but in fact his inner strength is very powerful. This quietness is something you have learned over a long period of time and is summarized by you. If you are born quiet, it is a relatively primitive and also a precious quiet.
But you used to be not very quiet and not very peaceful. Now you have become quiet and you have become quiet inside, which means that your soul has matured and has reached an extremely high level of maturity.
Let’s look at the second important quality - soft . Quiet people are generally gentle. What does gentle mean? They never resolve conflicts with others in extreme ways (including words and behaviors) and never resolve conflicts with others in intense ways.
Some people like to happen fiercely: hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey
Soft, it is an appropriate state. The word softness is a term in Greek . It represents the warm, comfortable, non-harmful words and behaviors that a person's mind has shown after reaching the highest level of maturity. That's what it means.
If you are not gentle, you are not mature. Your soul is a raw gourd, a raw peach, and it feels very uncomfortable after eating it.
Anyone, regardless of whether he has a high status or a low status, is rich or not rich, is famous or not famous, what kind of education has he received and what kind of education level he has reached, if he does not have the two characteristics of quiet and gentleness, he is immature! When he deals with you, what he presents to you is not a mature heart.
In fact, we deal with people, including our relatives, our friends, and our colleagues. We all deal with hearts, not with others. All your external manifestations, your choices, what you say, what you make, and the reactions you make to other people's behavior are actually made by your heart.
The heart is mature and has no sensitivity to bad things, and is not sensitive to things that have no value. He is sensitive to valuable things, sensitive to beauty and goodness, and not sensitive to ugliness and falsehoods.
An Silent person can keep the precious inner . "You must keep your heart better than keep everything, because the effect of life is produced by the heart." What should you keep in your heart? Keep the quietness, purity, and your own private land.
Many people don’t have their own private areas in their hearts and follow the public all day long. Why do I strongly recommend you to read the "The Moon - Popular Psychology" by French sociologist Le Pen, which makes you clear that the ideas we accepted in the past were wrong.
We think that the masses are the real heroes and the truth is in the hands of the masses. How can the truth be in the hands of working girls? In the hands of a worker? How could it be in the hands of picking up trash? How could it be in the hands of construction workers?
Confucius said it well: Those people only know oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, but only the top is wise and the bottom is foolish. The truth is not in the hands of those people, the truth must be in the hands of a few people, and such a few people are often lonely. As Laozi said in : The ordinary people check, I am depressed alone, the ordinary people are clear, I am depressed alone, . It seems that I understand it very well and don't understand it.
On the Internet, if you listen to others talk, you only look at one point: Anyone who is sensational, with a performance form and a little dramatic flavor, must not believe them, they are just acting! People with clear minds will definitely understand what I said. If you don’t have clear minds, there is nothing you can do.
May God bless each of you! God bless you.
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Author profile
Wang Guorong, a psychologist, independent scholar, writer, the founder of China's holistic psychotherapy and the first person in China's evidence-based psychotherapy. He was once the chief academic consultant of the Psychologist Magazine and a senior psychotherapist at Shanghai Boai Hospital . He is one of the most powerful and talented psychologists in China.
has published more than ten influential psychology monographs. Among them, " Breakthrough Treatment of Psychological Problems for Students" has been listed as a collection of books by hundreds of domestic universities such as Peking University and Tsinghua University . "50 Psychological Treatment and Adjustment Methods" won the Most Popular Book Award for Readers in the China Colleges and Universities Press Alliance, "10 Most Important Relationships in Life" has been listed as a series of books by China Culture Press, and "Shaking Hands with Depression" has been awarded the Most Popular Professional Book Award for Readers.
