Children’s feelings need to be the same!
How can children's hearts be guided, understood, and treated the same? This is very important in childhood treatment. Many people know that Dr. Xu has a strong understanding and empathy for children in treating children.
When a person's mind is understood by the same principles, healing effects can be achieved. The reason for the disease of many obsessive-compulsive patients comes from spiritual confrontation. For example, for children with obsessive-compulsive disorder, they may never have the idea of hating their parents; for the eldest son in the family, they may not have the idea of hating their younger brothers and sisters.
Only parents accept the message behind their children's behavior first and let their ego be affirmed first, so that they can put down their defense and the door of communication can be opened.
We have been influenced by the society's promotion of "love education" since we were young. Therefore, many children's subconscious hatred for their parents and brothers cannot be handled. During the growth of many people, family members have caused harm to each other because they do not know how to express love.
Nowadays children have been taught to compete with each other since childhood. My teacher Seth said that people should only compare with themselves, not with others . As mentioned in "The University", " is constantly renewed, and is constantly renewed, and is constantly renewed." Many people only care about their own opinions after living, because their fathers have compared their younger brothers with their older brothers since childhood.
Please don’t compare your children with anyone else. This will only make your children feel that they are not as good as others. Even if they can compare with others, they will live a very hard life and may even get sick because of this. people should know who they are, not to find their own value by comparing with others.
For example, one of the siblings is particularly outstanding, and the other may always feel that they are not good enough, and this perception will continue to adulthood. Since I was a child, I didn’t have good homework, I didn’t have high achievements when I grew up, and I didn’t have enough red envelopes to my parents every year during the Chinese New Year. My status and sense of self-worth at home will become very low. Finally, various conflicts caused by competition may even turn brothers and feet into enemies.
Each child has his own independent thinking. Parents should not tell their children directly what they think is right or what is wrong, and they also have their children do it according to their right and wrong standards. This is an infringement.
As for families with multiple children, some parents always entrust their accomplished children to take care of useless children when they are dying. Those useless children may gamble or do their jobs... After entrusting the children, their parents will die. What should those entrusted children do?
Doctor Xu believes that cannot impose parents' outlook on life, world view, and values on children . Everyone has different values, and parents are not even qualified to tell their children about your right or wrong directly, but ask them to obey.
The most hateful thing is that parents do not give their children the right to choose. Therefore, I will tell those children who are entrusted to death that before their parents die, they should tell their parents: "If you want to take care of that distressed child, try to live more!"
When parents are young, they should respect them and regard them as individual and independent hearts. The goodness of all children to their parents does not mean that the child owes his parents anything, nor does it mean that he must repay his parents' kindness for life.
In fact, born in the same family, parents will also have different feelings about their children because of their different causes and conditions from each child. For example, in one of my lung cancer cases, he was the most accomplished person in the family. He paid various expenses from the family, but the parents' care was on the most useless eldest son, and he gave all the money earned by the successful children to the eldest son.
Many parents cause emotional discord between several children, causing various family disputes to take place one after another. The support of the elderly and their preference for their children are the fuses that trigger the family war...
Parents like this are wrong, they are simply harming their children! Many parents should apologize to their children. Parents are not always right. When you make mistakes, you should face your own mistakes. However, most Eastern parents will not apologize to their children because they must maintain their dignity.
The biggest difference between Eastern and Western parents is that most of us Eastern people think that "what parents think is right or wrong" is the highest principle, and the biggest feature of Western parents is that they allow mistakes. Not only are children allowed to make mistakes, but when parents make mistakes, they will also have the courage to face their mistakes and apologize to their children.
Many times, people really lose a lot of family affection for the sake of face. When parents can face their mistakes and sincerely apologize to their children, parents will not only not lose their dignity, but will also receive more love from their children.
Sometimes there are many family problems, and you only need a sincere apology to let go of your past grudges. If parents sincerely apologize, they can resolve all the hatred in their children's hearts.
Respect your parents, not everything is up to your own will. Some parents are even more exaggerated. They even force their children to accept it even if they are clearly their parents’ fault.
Return to the basic respect between people. Only when parents can face themselves truly, true love will begin to flow. For example, a daughter who cares for a sick mother, no matter how good she cares for her mother, she should thank her daughter for her care.
After the previous long article, let’s discuss how to help a child with obsessive-compulsive disorder resolve inner conflicts?
Many children may never have ever been themselves and never love themselves. That is, they live for themselves, and their whole life is used to repay their parents or to achieve their parents' expectations.
Life is too hard. These children will resent and rebel against their parents, but this is the deepest pain and struggle in every child’s heart.
On the one hand, children hope that they can get the love of their parents, please their parents, make them proud and proud, and make them feel that they have not worked in vain in their life and have not raised themselves in vain.
On the other hand, children yearn for their own life, and life is used to pursue "own" goals and ideals, rather than just a tool for parents and a source of satisfaction, so that they completely give up or lose themselves.
Parents must first let their children feel that their love for them is definitely higher than their requirements and expectations for them. Once the children realize this love, their behavior will naturally be transformed. Our "how to treat children" also represents "how to treat ourselves".
Parents should probably ask themselves first: Am I allowed to do something bad or something wrong? When educating children, their concepts should be flexible, and they should look at the world from the perspective of their children, and let them look at the world from the perspective of ours.
In parent-child relationship, parents should return to their true inner feelings, start to understand the essence of their inner existence, try to remove the role, and learn to be self-aware: When you are just an individual, what is my real feeling in your heart?
As a parent, you should let your children know their true feelings. When you communicate more with your children with your true inner emotions, parents and children will begin to grow, love will begin to flow because of more and more real energy, and the parent-child relationship will become better and better.
In short, only by understanding, understanding and guiding children's hearts can we truly resolve the fear of obsessive-compulsive children.
✪ Click to read ☞
Author profile: Xu Tiansheng [Taiwan], a world-renowned psychologist and psychiatrist, the founder of Xu Tiansheng's psychodynamics and an messenger of global communication, and a psychology writer, philanthropist, and entrepreneur with works.
"Wheat Field Spirit" is committed to implementing the professional knowledge of Seth Psychological Dynamics into daily life, so that everyone has the opportunity to receive professional, warm and powerful support, and to improve everyone's overall healthy growth in all aspects!
