"Adults are just older children."
-Dryden
As a long time, people have a certain "number complex", and sometimes they are defined by numbers.
Age will also be presented through numbers, 20 is not confused, 30 is established...
From when did we start? We are "anxious" about age.
You are 30 years old, aren't you still married?
Sorry, we recruit age limit here for 35
.......
When the outside world generally defines age, people will unconsciously substitute it. Moreover, the topic of age anxiety is not distinguished between men and women.
share a visitor's story:
Lingling (name has been processed) After graduating from college, she was working. She did not consider marriage issues during that period, but the family growth environment told her: There is a problem for a girl to not get married before the age of 30. Just so happens that she is 30 years old. Every time she returns to her hometown, she faces the problem of urging her to get married. In this high-pressure environment, Lingling has symptoms of mental disorder when she works, and is accompanied by insomnia and dreams at night. Gradually, Lingling begins to doubt whether she has problems with herself. After psychological assessment , the scale showed that she had moderate anxiety.
Among the many visitors we received, there are countless problems with this age anxiety.
The emergence of age anxiety is not accidental. From your own perspective, because age is irreversible, and the traces on your body will remind you from time to time. From the outside world, these reasons account for a high proportion:
1️⃣ Personal Career planning and career development prospects (age requirements)
2️⃣ Personal and family economic income (deposits)
3️⃣ Family members' physical health status (diseases)
4️⃣ Family member relationship (intimate relationship, parent-child relationship, etc.)
There are many watersheds in life. Under the influence of today's society, middle age seems to have become a crisis.
Midlife crisis: It is originally a false proposition
Midlife crisis (midlife crisis) originated from the American psychologist Elliot Jax (International Journal of Psychology, 1965). The inner system established by life in two important periods helps people maintain a life full of confidence, passion and creativity for 20-25 years. The enterprising sense of self, friendship, values, aesthetic interests and social identity formed during adolescence (12-18 years old), and the positive world outlook, social responsibility, love, desire for achievement, career aspirations... during adulthood (18-25 years old). By middle age (35-50) people begin to clearly realize the existence and inescapable nature of death. The consciousness of death makes all life and pursuit meaningless, and stimulates a strong inner anxiety and panic.
American psychologist Erikson tends to believe that life can be divided into 8 stages (❶Infancy (0 to 1.5 years old): psychological conflict between basic trust and distrust, ❷Childhood (1.5 to 3 years old): conflict between autonomy and shyness (or suspicion), ❸Early school age (3 to 6 years old): conflict with guilt, ❹School age (6 to 12 years old): The conflict between diligence and inferiority complex, ❺Adolescent (12-18 years old): conflict between self-identity and role chaos, ❻Early adult (18-40 years old): conflict between intimacy and loneliness, ❼Adult (40-65 years old): conflict between self-attention, ❽Maturity (65 years old): conflict between self-adjustment and despair), the smooth passage of each stage is the basis for health and the smoothness of the next stage. For example, puberty (12-18 years old) needs to resolve conflict between self-identity complex and role chaos, and adulthood (40-65 years old) mainly needs to resolve conflict between self-attention complex.In other words, after successfully passing through the period of self-identity, adults not only have to have children, but also have to undertake social work. This is a period when a person is most concerned and creative about the next generation, and people will gain the qualities of care and creativity.
In the early years, " Southern Metropolis Daily " conducted a survey on anxiety groups. The survey showed that the "age anxiety" phenomenon was concentrated in the age group of 30-35 years old (34.03%) and the age group of 25-30 years old (26.88%).
Why is middle-aged a crisis?
All the topics outside the world are exaggerating the concept that over 30 years old is middle-aged. In fact, this is the dual effect of the career environment and the current social situation. The average employment age in the workplace is around 22 years old. After 6 or 7 years of development, the career has developed to a mature stage. At the age of 30, what should you do, what should you not do, society is also labeling this age. When you enter the true middle age, you will also be "kidnapped" by crisis. Rather than a crisis, it is more difficult problems to emerge at this stage, but your own strength is not enough to calm the "disaster" that you think or defined.
In fact, the midlife crisis may be a false proposition. The popularity of this concept is likely to be due to the fact that we label some of the difficult problems we encounter in life. Being imprisoned in this virtual crisis, "passing through the tribulation" is particularly important. Actually, there is no need.
Age: Does it bring anxiety or courage?
A few days ago, I saw the topic of Weibo hot search #Age brings you anxiety or courage#. As a two-choice topic, in fact, the first half may be a problem faced by most people, and the second half is something we need to break this topic and discuss it in depth.
A long time ago, there was a visitor who was over 45 years old. Due to the epidemic, the originally prosperous business in other places is becoming increasingly depressed. I was depressed for a while, and this period was very painful, and the "mockery" around me was heard everywhere, especially at night, my heart was even louder. He wanted to start over, but many people advised him that he is old now and is not suitable for trouble, but the visitor has a strong sense of self-rescue, mustered up the courage in his anxiety, and finally chose to change careers. Some time ago, he also sent us a WeChat message to share his recent good things.
In this way, What we are anxious about is not age, but the "responsibility" behind age .
Age, or the additional problem behind it, is something that people need to face from birth to returning to dust. If this problem accounts for the majority of you for a while, it may turn into anxiety.
said before that everyone will experience anxiety problems, and Anxiety itself is not a disease . In many cases, some psychological diseases are caused by the struggles made to get rid of anxiety. Appropriate anxiety is a protective effect on people and has a positive side.
Sometimes we are not tripped by our age, but because we lack the determination and courage to keep moving forward. Birth is not the only starting point. Every moment, deciding to do one thing is the starting point.
Age brings not only the years, but also the ups and downs of time. is just this kind of ups and downs, and it requires courage to face it. Therefore, age will bring anxiety and the courage to cope with anxiety, but the focus is on choice.
Anxiety: It's just that you destroy the rhythm of age
Here I want to talk about the relationship between age and maturity:
Everyone has their own growth rhythm. Some people grow up with the flow, some people mature very early, some people are late, and some people are not mature until the end of their lives.
And what is true maturity?
There is a fact that is cruel: maturity has nothing to do with age and experience.Maturity is not accumulated acquired. Those who are mature have laid the foundation for maturity in infancy and childhood.
autopsychology believes that experiencing a responsive environment in the early stage of life is the normal initial experience of the baby, and this experience becomes the key to his own health.
A person’s true maturity depends on whether his self-function is stable, whether his social function is good, and whether his intimate relationship is stable.
Blindly pursue maturity will cause some anxiety. If you want to pursue maturity, you must put aside the topic of "age", break it, and build a foundation for maturity from scratch.
Age has its own sense of rhythm. What is what an age should do? What shouldn't be done?
answer is: There is no standard answer.
Our age should not be defined. Every seemingly fixed stage of life has different scenery.
As Anna Mary Moses said: Life never begins too late. Life can be repeated at any time. Find your own sense of rhythm and divide your age into days and minutes. There is a one-minute solution for the next minute.
33breaking age anxiety and bravely facing your current self
It is not easy to truly break age anxiety. The difficulty lies in the fact that it needs to re-understand itself and understand its own life.
First of all, no matter what age you are at, don’t be PUA.
At any time, your life is valuable and does not need to be proved by others, and it does not need to be bound to others. I am not someone’s wife, I am not someone’s subordinate, I am me.
The most important thing is to face up to anxiety and consider anxiety. Anxiety has a positive effect, it allows us to discover problems, so we must face it.
Age anxiety is ultimately about improper handling of current relationships and fear of the future. Facing age anxiety means "face the disgrace" and convince yourself.
Age anxiety is also one of the anxiety problems. Anxiety is endless. Relieving anxiety is: live in the present and do in the present.
Finally, I hope to always leave the choice to myself. At a certain age, it is actually just that life has come to it, and the choice continues.
"Can I not get married at the age of 30?"
"Can I change my career at the age of 35?"
"Can I still pursue my partner at the age of 60?"
......
The confusion at this stage is just that I am setting limits or being defined. Without the courage to break these restrictions, I gradually lost my choice. When what you want to do is limited by age, cross this restriction because it is not a necessary condition.
at the end:
Age This tree has been growing, and the anxious branches just want to grow to absorb the sun.
Anxiety is inevitable, but we can choose which side it grows.
regard age as a time, a timer for life, but the track of life is on the other side. What is the difference between being able to live this period of time well, deal with relationships well, accept yourself, set out tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.
If age is irreversible in length, then expand the width! I hope I can become a "mature" myself in what I like.
source " Anxiety and Phobia " by Alan T. Baker/Gary Emory/Russ L. Greenberg. Some of the information is from the Internet and delete it if infringes.
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