Xiao Zuo and his mother
Today's sharing guest is a young and beautiful pedigree mother. The editor met her a year ago.
It was the end of 2021. The video of a 3-year-old autistic boy playing the piano in Mianyang, Sichuan Province attracted the attention of many netizens. The boy's little fingers flexibly wandered on the keys and played a complete song "Flowers and Alice". What is amazing is that the boy can’t read the staves and does not understand the artistic conception of the work. He just reads the videos by himself. Then a piano teacher played it in front of him several times and he could play it down by himself.
On a short video platform, this video of playing the piano has received nearly 40,000 messages. The contrast effect formed by the child's young age and smooth performance was praised by netizens as "God chases and enjoys food" and "a genius with absolute pitch."
Because of the lack of understanding of autism, Xiao Zuo regarded him as a genius, but people in the circle have always opposed the argument that autism is a genius, which has concealed the real dilemma faced by this group and his family. With this situation in mind, we decided to wait until the right time before inviting Xiao Zuo's mother to tell her story.
A year ago, Xiao Zuo brought his mother more melancholy. His cognitive ability, language expression ability and emotional management ability are very weak. Although his mother began to learn to intervene, she has not yet reached the level of proficient use.
After a year of waiting, the mother and son have new changes: Xiao Zuo continued to improve. In the first half of the year, he went to the hospital for a review. The doctor said that his ability was moderate to the upper hand (when the initial diagnosis was initially confirmed, the doctor said it was a moderate to severe child). The absolute pitch that he could not explain still exists, but his interest began to shift to other things; Xiao Zuo's mother's intervention skills were improved step by step, and she would bravely lead Xiao Zuo out of the house. At the same time, she was also working hard to make money and pay Xiao Zuo's intervention costs. What is even more gratifying is that after the divorce, she found a new partner and was about to become a second child mother.
The following is Xiao Zuo's mother's self-report.
confirmed, gambling, divorce
Xiao Zuo is now 4 years old and 3 months old. In the first half of this year, he took him to the hospital for a review. His development quotient scored 65 points, his language level was mild, and he could express his needs and wishes. However, the way of answering questions was relatively simple, requiring more generalization in life; his cognitive ability was moderate. Overall, it has improved a lot compared to before, but it still needs to continue to intervene, and social disorders are still very obvious. At present, Xiao Zuo takes cognitive classes in the morning and group classes in the afternoon. I take him at other times.
Xiao Zuo was my first child. When I learned that I was going to be a expectant mother, I was very excited and started planning early on how to educate him in the future. months later, I found an early education center and bought a lot of English books to study by myself. There is a blogger online who specializes in teaching children English. I signed up for classes and wanted them to receive bilingual education.
Recalling, at 6 months, I thought something was wrong with Xiao Zuo, but I was too young and I was not sure. The more I watched it for 8 months, the more I watched it, the more I was not right. At that time, he had already taken early education classes, but he was not interested in all the courses. He would not play with toys like other children, not look at people, and had no response to the name. His eyes were dull, he had no desires and often cried. Sleep is a big problem. He can't sleep well almost all night and cry every night. He took him out to walk the baby, and he looked cold and didn't laugh no matter how others teased him. He just collapsed there, his eyes occasionally glanced at him and his hands were too lazy to move. He gave him a nickname - " Zuo Lao Ye ".
Xiao Zuo and I were a little over one year old, so I took Xiao Zuo to many hospitals. Although there was no clear diagnosis, most doctors said that his symptoms were too obvious. We came to a similar conclusion - typical autism with moderate seriousness.The English book I bought earlier was also thrown aside. He couldn't even speak Chinese, let alone English.
I was quite frustrated at that time. Xiao Zuo's biological father was basically not at home. He was always on business trips and always said he was very busy. Sometimes he asked him to come back to help take care of the child. He said he didn't know how to take care of the child, so he just stared blankly with the child and would not learn about autism. I guess he still doesn't know what autism is. Secondly, he was infected with the bad habit of gambling. Before we divorced, he had already lost more than 2 million yuan. After giving him a chance, he went to bet again. Later, he might owe more than that. The child's grandparents refused to help take care of the child, but just complained to me that their son was gambling and wanted to earn money to pay off his debts.
In this case, In May 2020, my child's father and I divorced , and the child was taken by me, but the man did not have enough ability to pay for the intervention and living expenses.
I really don’t have money, so Xiao Zuo needs to spend money on the institution, so I can only earn it myself. The house is leaking and it rains all night. , and I was deceived by my best friend again. In desperation, I invested 200,000 yuan to start a business, and finally all of them were wasted.
At that time, Xiao Zuo's ability was particularly weak and he had a headache. I cried there every night, thinking that our child is like this. Even if the child is a little normal, I can still give him to my parents and make money by myself. But no one can take care of Xiao Zuo now. I want to cry but have the heart to die.
Everyone around me asked me to "throw" the child back to their house and take the child to make trouble, but the child is innocent and they are not able to take the child well. I have been paying a lot of living expenses every month so far, and I can only rely on myself.
I bought a lot of information to collect knowledge about autism online. I joined the ALSO community when Xiao Zuo was over one year old, and until now. As Xiao Zuo grows and progresses, his mentality must be better than before. When I think of these things before, I will cry. Now that he is much more stable, he can support him for the rest of his life and live a very ordinary life. However, nervousness and fear sometimes come to you. After all, there are too many uncertainties about the future. Thinking of these, I still can't calm down and feel that our children are too pitiful.
playcaisha
3 Make money, intervene, live
After Xiao Zuo started intervening, the monthly fee for going to the institution was seven or eight thousand, no matter how much he saved, he had to spend it. In addition, our living expenses were two or three thousand, even if it was very saving, the monthly expenditure would be ten thousand yuan. Last year, I sent him to kindergarten, but finally withdrew him. He couldn't integrate at all, so he just lay down on the ground in a daze without contacting others, and the teacher couldn't control it. It was a waste of time. We can only go back to the institution.
Before Huai Xiaozuo became a full-time mother, I worked in Zhejiang and Chongqing for 10 years. I liked this job very much, but later gave up because of my child. I have to accompany him to class during the day and have no time and energy to do full-time work, but I use my free time to learn to draw illustrations by myself. Now I have the ability to take on some illustrations. I will also do group buying when I am free. Sometimes you see that my circle of friends seems to be quite free and easy. In fact, it is difficult to find a job now and it is not very stable to take orders. I often worry about Xiao Zuo’s tuition fees.
Fortunately, Xiao Zuo is indeed improving, which supports me to continue to persevere. Now his pronunciation is basically fine, and he has practiced active language, but it is still relatively rigid. Demand language is always "I want...", and the sentence structure needs to be enriched. I am learning to ask questions recently. In terms of self-care, I can wear clothes and shoes by myself (complex clothes still require assistance), help me sweep the floor, and throw garbage with language assistance after I go out.
Xiao Zuo's mother recorded in comics for doing housework. Xiao Zuo
Because Xiao Zuo has enough learning in the organization, my intervention concept is to not miss any opportunity to let Xiao Zuo take action in life, especially when he is young and has the strongest plasticity.
In order not to make him rely too much on me, Xiao Zuo and I slept in separate rooms at the age of two. Why is so early? Because he didn't understand anything at that time, his ability to resist and cognitive abilities were very weak. When he didn't understand, it was easiest to split the bed. I will first make him familiar with his own environment, put a lot of things he likes on his bed, play with him on the bed, and then instill in the consciousness that he should sleep alone. He also uses picture books. The little rabbit sleeps, the duck sleeps, the little animals sleep alone, and Xiao Zuo sleeps alone. After the cognition is gradually established, he can understand it.
Moreover, I will play him with sleep-aiding music and put a lamp on the head of the bed that glows and refracts stars on the ceiling. These can attract children's attention, so he will count the stars. In short, through these gentle ways, we realized the separation of beds early. Now that he occasionally wakes up in the morning, he will walk to my room and wake me up.
For example, in order to practice meticulously, I asked him to practice opening the door lock for more than a month. Pouring milk and twisting the bottle cap are also very good practical opportunities in life. Every time he goes out, he waits for traffic lights, brushes subway tickets, goes up and down steps, and reads the words on the signboard, let him experience it personally and further integrate into the unfamiliar environment.
Socializing is the biggest problem. He didn't understand social skills and could only let the child two years younger than him pull him and walk aimlessly. Until the child shook his hand away, he stayed there and didn't know where to go. He doesn't understand property rights yet. When he encounters a toy he likes, he will directly grab it. Until the children start to alienate him, he will chase him, just to work hard to integrate into the group. Unexpectedly, he has to stay alone in the end. He has a lot to learn.
Xiao Zuo
Some people also say I am not a good mother. Ordinary children can run around at the age of two, and can go to the house to remove tiles at the age of three. Running is a luxury for Xiao Zuo. Sometimes when I go shopping with him, I will deliberately walk faster and leave him behind. He can't keep up, so he can only watch me leave him, stand in place, dazed or cry loudly. No matter how I guide him, he will not run towards me. One evening, Xiao Zuo's cry echoed on the green belt of the river park, causing many passers-by to watch and scold. "The child is still young, what are you doing?" "Are you his dear mother?" "Is this worthy of being a mother?" because they saw a "evil girl" holding a ruler in her hand and chasing a child to "intimidate" him to run.
At first I explained it carefully to outsiders, but later I found that this was useless because they didn’t know what autism is. On the one hand, it was the society’s discomfort, on the other hand, it was Xiao Zuo’s awkward running posture and his aggrieved cry. Did we just accept our fate? He is only 4 years old, and I am only 30 years old. How could I accept my fate? I can only hold the ruler tighter, ignore the noise from outsiders, and urge Xiao Zuo to continue running. It can be said that Xiao Zuo’s current abilities are all obtained by me using my time and energy.
Help me transport express delivery
Playing the piano, a new family, second child
Xiao Zuo can play the piano skill, which was discovered by chance. He was only over two years old at that time. I had to go through a shopping mall where I went to work. There was an grand piano in the mall lobby, which was placed here by an art training institution for publicity. Every time he passed by, he was very curious and wanted to touch it.
Once, I couldn't help asking the teacher next to me if I could let him play it.The teachers thought they were just a child who was playing around at first, but as a result, Xiao Zuo played the tune in the tune, and many people were shocked, watching such a young child play the piano there. The teacher was also shocked and wanted to teach him. I told them about Xiao Zuo's situation, and several teachers also tried to teach Xiao Zuo, but found that they could not communicate with Xiao Zuo at all and could not teach.
I bought him an electronic piano , and asked him to play it at home in front of the video, and asked the teacher to come to him to demonstrate. He doesn't know how to read the score. The teacher sometimes holds his hand to teach. Usually, after a few times, he can imitate and learn. Sometimes, based on the learning, he can make some changes. Later, he had learned some songs, and he wanted to play every time he passed by that mall, completely ignoring the people around him.
Xiao Zuo
playing the piano has a great advantage that it can calm him down and pass his spare time. For more than a year, he has always been very interested in piano, and will be addicted to it for a long time, shouting "piano" and "piano"... Now, as his cognition and other abilities improve, he does not like piano as much as he originally did. The time he spent on it began to decrease, and instead began to be interested in other things, such as addition and subtraction of numbers, recognition of words and , but his absolute pitch is still there. Sometimes, in order to increase his interest in music, I ask him to learn some new songs, or use other reinforcements to guide him to play the piano. I have read an article before, talking about the logical switching of thinking of autism. Because they cannot switch their thinking, they can only stay at a certain point, and this point will be magnified. Once the child's thinking can switch normally and develop without hinderment, their special abilities will fade.
I also asked the special education teacher, and the teacher said that this situation is normal, and you can do more music games with your children to maintain their interests. Because of the epidemic, Xiao Zuo's music class has been in a long time since he was not able to attend normal classes. It is difficult to find professional special education teachers in music in , Mianyang City, where we live now. It is always a pity for me.
In the past year, I have also changed myself: I have formed a new family, lived with my current lover, and got pregnant with my second baby.
After the divorce, I still had some suitors, but they just wanted to fall in love with me and asked me to send the child back to his biological father. I never asked Xiao Zuo about his situation, nor did I want to be responsible to us mother and son. My lover is a friend I have known for many years. After I knew that I had divorced, he happened to have divorced, so he started pursuing me. He spent a week learning about autism and found out that autism was such a terrible thing, but he did not escape because of Xiao Zuo. He kept trying to find a way to help me organize intervention materials. He is very rational and has strong logical thinking ability. There are many intervention methods he taught me.
It is not easy for him to do this, so as long as he is sincere in his heart, I am willing to live with him forever. I believe he also has the wisdom to plan his future, so I don’t have to worry about it.
The two things I am most happy about now are: one is to work hard to make money and take good care of Xiao Zuo, and the other is to share experience and help parents like me. A friend said that you always have autism videos without traffic, and you often play the piano, and people like to watch it. But my original intention is to record the growth of a child, not to make him famous. From the perspective of a pedigree mother, Xiao Zuo's identity is not just a "little piano genius", but his larger identity is a confirmed autistic child. So I also gave myself a mission to take advantage of various opportunities to promote and popularize autism. I hope that the world can tolerate this group of children with special needs and also tolerate their parents. Parents are really not easy but always ignored.
