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.10 characteristics of mothers with narcissistic traits . How to heal yourself from the harm of "narcissistic mothers"? "What is my relationship with my mother?"
The child raised by narcissistic mother is often confused about the relationship between himself and his mother.
Although my mother and I are not alienated from each other, they need each other. But when she can't act as she wishes, her mother will take back her love and force herself to reflect on what she did wrong.
When a person's self-attention ratio is too high, so he is prone to ignore the needs of others, we will say that he may have some narcissistic traits.
So, when the narcissistic traits appear on the mother, what kind of way will they be expressed?
has narcissistic traits. 10 characteristics of mothers
1. Your achievements are the capital she shows off
Because of narcissistic traits, mothers usually regard their children as their continuation. Children's struggles are all about achieving their mother's goals, and children's success is their own trophy.
When the child's achievements make the mother feel faced, the mother will seize every opportunity to praise her child to everyone.
However, when the child makes a mistake, the mother will not be stingy with her criticism and accusations.
What she likes is the perfect child, the child who can be used to show off. Because of such a child, she can become the best in the eyes of others.
2. She has too many requirements for your life
Will she get angry when you disagree with your mother, or when you don’t do things according to her wishes?
When you express your unique hobbies, desires, and opinions, will your mother's reaction make you feel guilty and self-blame?
Mothers with narcissistic traits will control all aspects of their children's lives, such as interpersonal communication, dressing style, daily habits...
3. She will achieve her goals by manipulating you
Narcissistic mothers are very good at emotional blackmail. uses some stories and experiences to arouse children's sympathy and self-blame, so that the children can bow their heads and obey orders.
When a child tries to express his or her own ideas, she will stop the child's expression in time.
After all, a child with personality cannot meet her needs.
4. Her love for you is conditional
narcissistic mother is very clear that 's most powerful weapon to control children is love for children.
She hopes to use her care for her children to inspire her children to work hard and help herself gain more capital to show off.
But often in order to win maternal love, children will mistakenly pursue perfection.
5. She often transfers conversations to herself
When you try to communicate a question with your mother, have you noticed that she doesn't care what you are talking about at all?
Mothers with narcissistic traits will control the conversation, changes the direction of the topic and focuses the conversation on themselves.
This will make the child unable to feel the mother's attention, and even feel that he is not valued in the family.
6. She lacks empathy for you
narcissistic mother pays too much attention to herself, which makes it difficult for her to empathize with her own children.
She won’t pay attention to your feelings and thoughts, because in her emotional consciousness, there is not much psychological space to leave for the child.
Even if they make mistakes in life, they are self-centered and will not admit their mistakes, nor will they comfort the depressed children.
7. The emotional support you give depends on her needs
For narcissistic mothers, 's attention and emotional support for children are always ups and downs.
When she wants to get something from you, she will devote her love and attention to you. And when she doesn't need you, she will ignore your emotional needs.
8. She is resentful of the unpleasantness of the past
Will your mother be resentful because of unpleasant things that happened in weeks, months, or even years ago?
Mothers with narcissistic traits will not easily forget your fault , after all, this is her resource that can be used.
takes advantage of the mistakes you have made in the past to put you in a psychological burden to urge you to fulfill her expectations.
9. Her emotions are hard to figure out
has narcissistic traits, which also means that her self-esteem is fragile.
If you continue to encounter resistance, or something unpleasant. She will become flammable and explosive, and will easily break her emotions.
But while she cried and despaired, she might not forget to drag her child into this relationship and use it to manipulate the child.
10. She will never let you go
Have your mother emphasized: You can't leave me! You need me!
All parents know that their children will grow up one day, and they need to let go and make their children independent.
But narcissistic mothers are difficult to do. Even if the child has grown up, it will be difficult for her to loosen the child. She hopes to control the child all the time, and allows the child to remain dependent on her.
How to deal with the harm of "narcissistic mother"?
What you need to know is to change your mother, or label her a "narcissistic" or even "narcissistic personality disorder".
What you need more is to see the injured child in your heart and get rid of the negative impact left by your mother on your growth path. You can heal yourself in the following ways:
1. Accept your needs and love yourself first
Narcissistic mother tells you that paying attention to your needs is selfishness, and you must give as if you are not worthy of being cared for. But we cannot give others something that we don’t have. Only by truly loving ourselves can we love others.
to discover that extremely rich self and see your true inner needs.
2. Establish healthy interpersonal relationships
The relationship between "care" and "satisfaction" is two-way, rather than one-sided efforts and requirements.
While considering the other party, you should also take care of your emotions. avoids replaying the way you interact with your mother in childhood.
3. Clarify the self-boundary
You need to be clear about what behaviors you have to cross your self-boundary and make you feel uncomfortable.
When others intentionally or unintentionally violate boundaries, you must learn to tell them firmly: "This is my own business, and I believe I have the ability to make the right decision" .
Of course, we can still listen to the suggestions given by others, but our own decisions are by no means they can control.
4. Learning to seek help
Healing must be a long and painful process, but you don’t have to struggle silently alone. To someone you trust and willing to listen to your family or to talk to a psychological counselor.
What they can do may be limited, but at least they will give you company and support, and you will no longer resist all the pain alone.
I hope you can become a better person and live every day well.
Translation: Simple Psychology Uni
Editor: H3
Editor: Alwaysfifi
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