Background: Marriage is not going well + experience life is full of joy and sorrow, double psychological pressure
I, a novice mother, 31 years old, I was happy to have a noble son when my marriage was most fragile, I was busy, complicated, and mild postpartum depression.
The blessings never come in singularly. After experiencing great joy in life, on the 27th day of my confinement, my mother suddenly passed away and committed suicide.
While taking care of the baby at a loss, he was anxious to rescue his mother, which was really exhausted both physically and mentally.
During the 42-day routine review of the mother, I carefully filled out a questionnaire. The doctor frowned and suggested that I go to the mental health center to see a professional psychiatrist. I also emphasized to my husband that I must remember to take me there.
In the face of losing my mother, the harm caused to me by postpartum depression is simply insignificant. I know that no mother is easy when she is a mother. In fact, mild postpartum depression is very common.
My mother, from 1968 to 2022, she suffered all her life, but she rarely enjoyed happiness. She has been the eldest in the family since she was a child, with two sisters and one younger brother, and her elder sister is like a mother. She started helping her grandparents earn money to support the family and take care of her younger siblings after graduating from junior high school. I married my dad at the age of 22, gave birth to children, took care of housework, and was poor all my life. At the age of 53, she had grandchildren and grandson, and her life gradually improved. She had a lot of children and grandchildren, but she chose to drink pesticides and commit suicide.
As my daughter, my psychological changes have changed from sadness to self-blame, then to annoyance, to inferiority.
I still remember that the last time I went to see her, she was still doing dialysis for filtering blood. I held her swollen, black, old and rough hand, and kept calling her mom, mom, mom, mom... to pray for a miracle to happen. The next night, the rescue was ineffective, and the doctor said he had tried his best. The family members of the funeral did not let me go and said that the child was important.
Children, I am still my life-saving medicine. My small body has always given me the most powerful strength.
One day, I was playing with my son, and he accidentally grabbed me, and I burst into tears. In fact, it won't hurt for a while, but the tears can't stop. I found that when I was crying in front of my son, he would put down the toy in his hand and look at me intently. Soon, his expression was solemn, his eyebrows were frowning, his mouth was curled, and he started crying loudly.
At that moment, I was really shocked and woken up. I, who endured my grief during the day but always cried in my dreams, shouldn’t have continued like this.
Who do you talk about who people live for? When you lack energy, you should find a support. My son is my support. The road ahead is still long, I shouldn’t be depressed, I should cheer up.
When the mind is traumatized, it is particularly important to discover hidden dangers in time and face the problem. Sometimes, time cannot completely heal those wounds that are deliberately hidden in the deepest part of your heart. Yes, it's like a scar. At the beginning, I didn't dare to endure the pain and stitch it in a hurry. You thought it was okay. When the flesh and blood start to rot from the inside, no matter how bright the skin is, it will not last long. Similarly, when the mind is traumatized, choose to turn a blind eye, deliberately avoid it, and give time to heal it, which will only make the haze deep in the heart accumulate more and more until it is ignited and crushed by an inadvertent little thing in the future.
I think my mother should have been in pain when she made that decision. She swallowed her anger all her life, living for her younger brothers and sisters when she was young, living for her family when she was young, and living for her children when she was old. She never saw herself and valued herself.
. The only one who can save himself is always himself. You should have hope and try your best to solve the problem.
My son is my hope. With the spiritual pillar, there is strength.
I know that at this stage, I cannot quickly get out of my sad inferiority complex by relying on my own willpower.
So, I first found a psychological counselor through the 12345 citizen service hotline and did psychological counseling (here is a good advice for friends in need here. Every city has a public welfare psychological counseling hotline for citizens).
I found two or three close friends and talked about my depression. When someone can patiently listen to your complaints and enlighten you step by step, you will feel much better.
I also put several books on mental health at the head of the bed and read them daily. There is also a book called "How to educate children to become talented".
At present, I have not yet gone to a psychiatrist for treatment. Reading during this period has helped me a lot. I feel that my emotions have stabilized a lot (if your emotions are really bad, so serious that you can't eat, sleep for a long time, and even have some uncontrollable behaviors, it is recommended to see a doctor, cooperate with the medicine, and actively treat it. Because according to my father's recollection, my mother's condition during the last period was like this, and the effect was very little by little with verbal persuasion).
I cried last night because I rarely went out some time ago, especially because I was afraid of meeting familiar relatives and neighbors. If you accidentally encounter it, you either pretend not to see it or leave in a hurry.
The baby cried yesterday evening, and I planned to take him downstairs for a walk. As soon as I got downstairs, I met a neighbor friend of my mother. It can be seen that she was also very sad. Whenever I met some time ago, I was in a hurry, for fear that I would be intimate with the scene and that outsiders would inevitably guess the reason, whether my children were unfilial, this made me feel inferior. At that time, I was still planning to leave in a hurry, but she took the initiative to say hello to me, "I'm going to take the child out to play." The neighbor's aunt's smile at that time was like a warm sunshine, shining into my heart. I also smiled back, "Yes."
On that day, everyone I met later, my uncle, uncle and third cousin were expressing concern and greetings to me. "How are you doing recently?" "Are you going to take your child alone?" "It's getting dark, go home early"... Now, it may be because I opened my heart yesterday, so that so much sunshine shines in. Before, I was always closed, so I felt what I thought I was, and there was no trace of warmth from other people's malice.
is on the roadside, and I also met my dad. We don’t usually live together, he lives alone in a small house in the vegetable garden. We have also discussed moving together and taking care of each other. But everyone was very awkward, so they just lived their own lives later.
I don’t know how to describe my relationship with my father. My father always dares not look directly into my eyes. Sometimes when his eyes meet, there will be an inexplicable embarrassment. I can't explain clearly, what's going on? But we both felt sorry for each other and were worried about each other, but we rarely expressed it. Maybe my mother has been disciplined by my younger brother and I since I was a child. I never talk to my father about any worries, so I am not that close.
During this period, he has lived a hard life alone, which is heartbreaking. It's a little better if I have the company of my baby and my husband. My husband and I often bring some food and food to him.
Actually, I still want the whole family to live together and be warm to each other, so that I can feel like home.
When I took my child around and returned to the downstairs, I met two aunts who often enjoyed the shade of the trees downstairs. They came up to greet me warmly, and teased the baby and said, "What a good child, why do you always hear his crying?" I said I took him alone, and sometimes he would cry when he had to walk away for a while. The aunt said, "You are pitiful, my daughter, and we are also very sad about your mother's affairs. Why isn't anyone helping you see the child?" I said that my father wouldn't live with me. My parents-in-law had to take care of his 90-year-old grandfather in their hometown, and her partner had to go to work during the day, so she had to come by herself. The aunt said, "Daughter, if you don't go to work and take care of your children, just take care of them. This is not a day or two, at least you can go to school at the age of three. Usually, you go downstairs to play with us more and call us an old lady, and you will meet them slowly. You can't let the children cry all the time, it sounds so heartbreaking." "It's not easy for you..." In fact, my aggrieved mood suddenly came up. The moment the aunt told her to turn around and leave, tears gushed out.
Yes, let yourself go to the crowd! Loneliness can easily make your mood worse. A group of people helps heal the wounds, which is better than a person who silently licks the wounds.
Also, my beloved baby, he loves to cry, laughs, is naughty, and loves to cling to others.
Just like that, you can watch his growth and changes little by little every day, from the appearance of a baby, to being able to talk to me, to being able to turn over, sitting, and crawl. Now that he is only seven months old, he is a little adult with independent emotions and can chat with me for a while.
Depression , a word that appears more and more frequently in today's society, and a disease that kills people is enough to attract everyone's attention. Including myself and my family, don’t bear the depression in your heart and turn a blind eye. We must strive to detect and stop losses in time before it is about to become depression.
Finally, I wish you all good health and peace and happiness in body and mind.
