What is youth? Is it the enthusiasm of a newborn calf who is not afraid of tigers, or is it the indulgence of rules and the presumption of self? Perhaps for some teenagers in adolescence, these are all: they are bold and passionate, but they also lack thoughtfulness. They are easily impulsive and make rebellious behaviors if they are not careful - such as running away from home quietly, Buy a ticket alone to meet netizens of the opposite sex in a strange city.
What should parents do when adolescence encounters rebellion? Should we remain a parent and give instructions, or should we be a listener? Should we face conflicts head-on or avoid them? Several interviewees told everyone from their personal experiences: Only by trying to be friends with your children can you get more communication opportunities and repair the rifts between parents and children caused by rebellion; in the face of children's rebellious behavior, what parents need to do is Guide rather than confront.
Youth psychologist Dani believes that all kinds of external rebelliousness displayed by adolescent children have different internal reasons: perhaps it is the lack of family warmth and parental company, or perhaps it is unknowingly putting too much pressure on the children. In short, only by "prescribing the right medicine" can we provide correct guidance and avoid "troublesome times".
△At about 10 o'clock on August 22, Xiao Zhang's father, Mr. Zhang, arrived at Loudi Station to pick up his son.
Case: Running away from home just to meet netizens, they were a bit rebellious in adolescence
html At 3:33 on August 22, the police on duty at Loudi Station Police Station received a call for help from Xiao Zhang’s sister, Ms. Zhang, saying that her younger brother Xiao Zhang was alone on the 21st A person took the K806 train in Tongren, Guizhou, and was going to Shangrao, Jiangxi to meet a female netizen. He hoped that the police would help find him. The police immediately contacted the passenger police, and about 5 minutes later, the police found Xiao Zhang in Car No. 1. At about 10 o'clock in the morning that day, Xiao Zhang's father, Mr. Zhang, came to Loudi Station and took his son back.It turns out that Xiao Zhang is 16 years old and a sophomore in high school. He usually has a lot of pressure to study and his parents are also strict in discipline. After a conflict with his family, he had the idea of not wanting to study and bought one on impulse. The train tickets from Tongren to Shangrao are ready to meet netizens.
Coincidentally, at 16:30 on August 23, the police detachment of the Changsha Railway Public Security Department received a notification from the Qingdao Station Police Station that Mr. Ouyang from Leiyang, Hunan Province discovered that his sister Xiaocan had run away from home and had boarded the G1554 train to Qingdao . Police officer Tan Zhengjun of the Yueyang Station Police Station successfully found Xiao Can in Car No. 2 based on the information provided by Mr. Ouyang.
It is understood that Xiaocan is 15 years old and is in the second grade of a certain vocational school in Leiyang, China. Her parents and brother work in Guangdong all year round, so she and her grandparents are usually the only ones at home. He rarely communicates with adults. Xiaocan is addicted to mobile social networking software and meets a male netizen from Qingdao. This summer, the other party invited Xiao Can to visit Qingdao, but his parents firmly opposed it. In anger, Xiao Can ran away from home without telling his grandparents and boarded the high-speed train alone.
During their adolescence, they all expressed their rebellion in different ways.
△On August 23, policeman Tan Zhengjun of Yueyang Station Police Station successfully found Xiao Can who had run away from home in Car No. 2 based on the information provided.
Voice: When children are growing up and are rebellious, choose to be friends with them
When children encounter rebellion during adolescence, what will parents choose to do? The reporter interviewed two parents whose children are both in adolescence.
After the summer vacation, Mr. Wei’s child Xuanxuan will be in his second year of high school. In his impression, Xuanxuan's rebellious behavior started in the second grade of junior high school, which was a "watershed". "From that time on, he will express his rejection more in his own way, have his own temper, won't listen to you too much, and sometimes refute your views." Mr. Wei said, the most typical one is when In terms of time arrangement, "Xuanxuan sometimes takes advantage of opportunities to compress the time for studying and expand the time for playing games, but in fact, we have already set the corresponding time before that."
At first, the two had a fierce conflict. Mr. Wei chose to change his father image as a strong commander and instead communicate with his children as a friend. "When you try to be friends with a child, he starts talking to you a lot."As Xuanxuan slowly grows up, his rebellious behavior gradually weakens, "We now have some considerations before communicating. "In Mr. Wei's view, in the face of children's rebellion in adolescence, what parents need to do is to guide rather than fight.
Ms. Kang's child Xiaobao will soon be in the first year of high school. "At present, although he has reached adolescence, he has not passed Show more rebellious behavior. "Ms. Kang said that she and her child's father have always been getting along with her child as friends. "If there is any big event, he will tell his father first. He would tell me about the little things in life and study, such as the pressure in the competition class. "Every time at this time, the parents will analyze the reasons and take the initiative to resolve Xiaobao's confusion.
Ms. Kang is not too worried about the possible rebellious period in the future. "I have always believed in a saying, as a parent, don't argue with the problem. Instead of standing aside and defeating the child, stand with the child and solve the problem together. "Usually, she would also share her experience with the parents and friends around her, "As long as you are on the right side, there is no need to worry. "
Tips: There are many internal reasons for external rebellion, and correct guidance is inseparable from "prescribing the right medicine"
Adolescent psychology expert Dani said that adolescence is the "psychological weaning period", which is the transition stage from childishness to gradual maturity. . They long for the understanding, respect and care of their teachers, long for freedom and independence, and hope to get rid of the control of their parents. At the same time, their minds are not yet mature and they are full of insecurities about the outside world. Practical fantasies, easy impulsivity, and lack of ability to properly handle problems. If parents do not understand the physical and mental development characteristics of their children during this period and do not know how to properly guide them, they may become troubled. For example, teenagers in their prime often run away from home.
How should parents deal with it correctly? First, they must understand the reasons why their children run away from home, so that they can take appropriate measures. The main reason for Xiao Zhang in case 1 is that he is tired of studying. Parents should not be too hasty. Being too strict with their children will not only increase the psychological burden on the children, but also lead to tension and confrontation in the parent-child relationship. They might as well learn to appreciate their children and discover and explore their strengths and shining points one by one. Help children develop self-confidence step by step, and move from small victories to big victories.
Xiaocan ran away from home because he lacked the company of his parents and the warmth of his family. His parents worked outside and had no time to care about their children. childlike Feeling like a "psychological orphan", Xiaocan hopes to find warmth and comfort from male netizens he has never met.
Parents work outside the home, which is very hard, but don't forget to keep in touch with your children at home. Contact, accompany children by calling, sending WeChat messages, leaving messages, etc., listen to their worries, understand their thoughts, and understand their mood, so that children can feel the love and care of their parents.
Xiaoxiang Morning News reporter Man Yankun. Correspondents Song Lili, Luo Yan and Zhou Dehua
News clue breaking channel: Download the "Morning Video" client from the application market and enter the "Morning Help" topic; or call the Morning Video news hotline 0731-85571188
.
