When we talk about loneliness, many people imagine a scene where a person is lonely and neglected. But sometimes, we feel lonely among the bustling crowds. Psychologists define loneliness as a subjective emotional experience or psychological awareness, which refers to an unpleasant psychological experience when an individual's communication level does not achieve the expected effect. Therefore, the feeling of loneliness is subjective, and you may rarely interact with people, but if you are satisfied with it, you won’t feel lonely. On the contrary, although you have many friends, you still desire more high-quality friendships and will still feel lonely. In a study on loneliness, when asked "under what circumstances do you feel lonely?", the respondents gave different answers. The researchers analyzed and summarized four manifestations of loneliness: interpersonal loneliness, social loneliness, self-lossness and developmental loneliness.
This refers to the feeling of loneliness caused by lack of interpersonal relationships and is not paid attention to, accepted, encouraged and supported by others. The famous "Hydrome of Needs" believes that people will have a need for belonging and love after meeting their physiological and safety needs. For example, find some people who are like-minded and have common hobbies, and establish relationships that can communicate emotionally for a long time. This can make people feel a sense of identity, believing that they have intersections with others, are accepted and recognized, and realize deep emotional needs.
This means that when we encounter the fierce collision between reality and ideals in the process of adapting to society, we feel the conflict and fission of values, and create a sense of loneliness that is not recognized by society. For example, after repeated failure in job hunting, unfair treatment by bosses, and after being hit by life, you will feel physically and mentally exhausted, and you will feel a sense of loss of "Why is the only one who is so unfortunate" and "feeling abandoned by society."
If you feel lonely when you are down and out, you can try to create a sense of ritual in your daily life. Studies have found that rituals can activate the dopamine reward system in the brain and bring emotional comfort to people. The purpose of a ritual is not the act itself, but the meaning behind it. For example, when we sing a happy birthday song to ourselves, we are telling ourselves: Even if I am the only one now, warmth and love are always by my side. We can regain our love for life in difficult days and make expectations for the future.
This kind of loneliness is also common. Some people still feel "single alone" even if they have many friends around them. This is when an individual's understanding of himself conflicts with the external evaluation, he feels the loneliness of "you don't understand me" and "no one really understands me". In layman's terms, the sorrows and joys of human beings are not consistent. To alleviate this feeling, we need to establish a deeper connection between ourselves and others, such as being able to truly listen to others, let go of expectations for others and stereotypes , tolerate others' world, and make your own world bigger. This improvement in personal cognition can reduce the loneliness caused by being too focused on one's own self.
We have specific development tasks at every stage of our life. If we cannot complete it as scheduled, we will feel lonely. For example, when senior students are facing graduation and career choice, when their classmates have plans for the future, and some people don’t know where to go, they will be lonely and "spent" by their peers.
Developing loneliness comes from the urgency of "what you have to do at what age" and also comes from the comparison of "I should have it even if I have it". In fact, everyone has their own development rhythm and there is no need to compare everything with others. Everything has its own rhythm, so be patient with your own pace.
Short-term or accidental loneliness may not be negative. Moderate loneliness can help you understand yourself, clarify your needs and even gain motivation. However, long-term or severe loneliness may cause emotional disorders and reduce mental health. It is recommended to make timely adjustments or seek professional help.
