believes that parents want the best for their children. They want to prepare them for adulthood, they want to warn against the mistakes in life, they want their children to be healthy both mentally and physically.
But, honestly, when you watch parents interacting with their children, you get the feeling that adults have made it a point to raise people who are flawed, bound, notorious, or conversely aggressive (if the child has a strong enough character to protest) as their goal. .
I also experienced it. Many parents just automatically repeat those educational clichés they heard in childhood and forget to turn around and analyze the relevance of these "what ifs" now.
Today, I, psychologist Liza Tkachuk, want to show you how some of your actions, something all parents do almost every day, affect your children. I hope this article gives you food for thought.
1. "I told you!"
A 3-year-old child went for a walk in rubber boots after a rain, trying out the depth of each puddle, and at some point the puddle won - his feet were wet. "I told you," screamed the mother, "how can you be so stupid, how many times have you said it: it's very deep there."
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A five-year-old draws with a felt-tip pen, staining clothes, the child's table and fingers. "I told you," the mother sighed wearily, "you're always being discredited.
A ten-year-old brought the Troika from school. "Yes, you're just an idiot! How can you get a C in the world around you? ? Are you a complete idiot - can't even remember two pages of text? ? "
2. I want a perfect baby
Do you think ridicule and insults will make children better? Girls will immediately want to be neat and tidy, children will realize their "guilt" and will learn puddles on youtube , and boys will be ashamed of themselves for being idiots and full of love for the world around them
No, they won't get better, but they will remember that they are idiots, fools and sluts
In fact, you show your child that he is. Behaviors are of no value to you, they cause ridicule and negativity and you don't allow your child to make mistakes and accept him for who he is.
Why scold your child? Yes, the reason is clear. Change clothes, you don't want to do laundry and wash tables, but you want to sit down and hear what a wonderful son you are at the parent-teacher conference.
3. Stop asking
my friend. Mother, shares her emotions when her eldest daughter has a question about why.
- What color is this car? - Why is it blue?
What are the pipes made of? . - How did you not know?
The son only had a rest at night and started with a new question in the morning.
It's tiring and parents don't always have the energy to respond - Answer your child's questions as comprehensively as possible.
When you interrupt him with "leave me alone", "let the adults speak", "because", "you will grow up - you will know", then you say to him: You're stupid, your questions are useless, you can't be yourself and show your interest.
What may seem like a small thing to you is a very significant thing for a child he wants to understand. , understand, he is very motivated to understand the world. But the parents' "Shut up, don't interfere" cuts off this natural flow of interest.
It is completely useless to force a student in a few years: you have to learn and demand knowledge. , all subjects must be "five".
He is already hungry for knowledge! All his endless "Why?" "——This is the desire for knowledge. Only you nip his interest in the bud.
4. Moms make mistakes too.
It's surprising how many adults are afraid of their children: they're afraid of asking their opinions, they're afraid of getting their opinions, they're afraid of admitting that they are wrong about certain issues.
Of course, an authoritarian approach to education is much easier. For you) they say: you will wear a blue dress to kindergarten, we will buy a schoolbag with a bunny on it, you will enter the economic zone, you will marry Petrov - that's all!
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But on the other hand, when you talk to your child confidentially on an equal footing, he will learn to communicate productively: express his feelings, calmly report what he likes or dislikes, make small decisions, acknowledge him Make a mistake instead of creating a problem and get rid of it, because even a mother can easily say, "I'm sorry, I was wrong, you were right."
These skills and abilities will fully prepare him for his future adult life - This is what you want to get out of raising children.
wrote in the comments, What are the main mistakes parents make when raising their children?
