This article is mainly written for those who are afraid or anxious about dealing with other people.
"Some people are solitary by nature. They are like hermit crabs or snails, always wanting to shrink into their own shells. There are not a few such people in the world." Burkin described Belikov.
Belikov is the protagonist of Chekhov's classic short story "The Man in the Box". He has an uncontrollable desire throughout his life, that is, to make a box for himself and shrink himself into the shell to protect himself from danger. The outside world bothers , but in fact he does the same thing.
As Burgin said, "There are many such people." They are afraid to speak, afraid to go to crowded places, and afraid to communicate with others. They live in a framework set by themselves, and their hearts are like being imprisoned by shackles, which is very painful. .
Even if you have to deal with people, you dare not look at others, dare not look at people with your peripheral vision, blush easily, worry that your expression will cause misunderstanding or disgust, hand shaking, stuttering...
This is social phobia .
01
Social phobia is not uncommon. In the 19th century, the American Psychiatric Association established diagnostic criteria:
Anxiety and fear caused by worrying about doing something embarrassing or embarrassing in social situations or situations where one is expressing oneself. This kind of anxiety and fear lasts for more than six months, and causes people a great degree of pain, and even affects their lives.
I don’t like and can’t deal with people. Am I suffering from social phobia? There is no need to scare yourself like this. Introversion or the strength of social skills are not the criteria for judging social phobia.
If we want to self-test whether we have social phobia, we can ask ourselves 8 questions:
(1) Are you afraid to go to work or go to school because of fear?
(2) Do you choose to be alone and deliberately avoid the crowd?
(3) Do you hide yourself to prevent others from seeing the "real me"? For example, you may be very active in parties even though you are afraid of them.
(4) Are you afraid to live your life in order to be accepted by others?
(5) Have you been "thinking" instead of taking action down-to-earth?
(6) Are you worried that others will think you are sick and pretend to be yourself?
(7) Do you fantasize about starting life again without fear and anxiety?
(8) Do you live in a closed or semi-closed life mode?
If the answer is "yes", then you can consult a doctor, otherwise there is no need to worry.
02
"The images above are taken from the sky, the laws below are taken from the earth, and the ones taken from the middle are people. The reason why people live in groups is the principle of harmony." People are naturally social. Why do some people suffer from social phobia? There are two main reasons for
:
(1) Family factors. The family is a child's first school, and parents are their children's earliest teachers. If a person grows up in an environment that lacks love, warmth, respect, or is overly spoiled during childhood, it is easy to be unable to view oneself correctly and deal with conflicts with oneself. relation.
In their consciousness, they are either pretentious in the sense that "the world is centered on me", or belittle themselves in the sense of "I am not worthy". And getting along with others is the projection of self-relationship.
"I am like a meaningless beggar, begging for recognition from the outside world, and putting on a thick mask for myself to please the outside world. As time goes by, I even forget who I am." Losing yourself for a long time results in more and more The less you can accept yourself.
(2) Inner conflict. Because cannot accept the real self, it fantasizes about an idealized self, just like when we read novels and watch TV and substitute ourselves into the omnipotent protagonist, this me is "perfect at all times and in everything, and everyone likes it" Me. "But this is simply impossible.
When we read novels and watch TV, we can quickly return to reality after the story is over, but some people are addicted to the fantasy and cannot extricate themselves. They demand themselves with "I should be like this" and deny "this is the fact" , and No matter how deep the scars in your heart are, how great you imagine yourself to be, how intense your inner conflict will be.
03
People suffering from social phobia are originally healthy people, but because of the damn "desire for perfection" , they infinitely amplify the feelings or experiences that ordinary people have, triggering fear, and then continuously strengthening it into a long-term symptom.
In other words, people with social phobia can break free from the shackles of their souls as long as they break their "desire for perfection." How to do?
(1) Go with nature and accept your imperfections. Discovering and accepting your true self is the only way to solve every inner problem. accepts a person who is not good at talking and cannot be loved by everyone.
After all, this is an objective existence. If you always use subjective fantasies to change objective facts, it will cause ideological contradictions and lead to stronger inferiority and sensitivity.
How to accept your true self? We can borrow the method from "The Bond of Mother's Love": imagine that there is a baby deep in your heart, use your love to nurture it, and let it grow slowly, from baby to toddler, child, teenager, youth, and now Own. The process of raising yourself in is both a process of discovering yourself and a process of healing yourself.
(2) Do what is right and have the courage to face reality. follows the inner desires and does what should be done, which is to interact with people with fear. Remember the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, not "how should I" . How does
face reality?
Ask yourself about your true feelings , find the negative thinking that affects you, and then find a way to solve it. How to do
specifically? You can ask yourself: How do I behave when communicating with others? Is it stuttering, shaking hands, blushing, or other symptoms? What were my emotions at that time? If emotions could talk, what would they want to say to me? What does this mean to me? What am I afraid of?
Even if the answers are sometimes too cruel to be accepted, you must give a true answer.
Don’t lie to yourself.
(3) Let go of your attachments and stop fighting. obey reality and reconcile with yourself. Going with nature means discovering and accepting that you are not who you "should be", and letting go of your attachments is the reconciliation of fantasy and reality. In reconciliation,
regards "doing one's own thing" as an attitude towards life, that is, doing what needs to be done, rather than as a means to cure social phobia. Because using it as a means of healing means that you still cannot accept yourself as a "fact".
Buddha said: Let go of one thought, and you will feel at ease in everything.. This is reconciliation.
