Everyone hopes that their life will be smooth sailing, but fate tends to play tricks on others. When you encounter unexpected situations, how can you get out of the predicament and control your own destiny?
I am a schizophrenic, and my story begins in high school.
1. Illness
Speaking of why I am sick, this is really a difficult question to explain, because there are too many direct or indirect factors in it, but my illness is somewhat related to emotional experience.
It was 2003, the second semester of high school, and the spring semester started. The most beautiful girl in the class, H, took the initiative to change seats at the same table with me. When I found a topic to talk about, I felt elated for a while, and I was haunted by a feeling of happiness.
After half a semester, I separated from H for some reason and took another seat.
After that, I was very sad and often in a daze. Once I turned around and sat facing the back, when suddenly a paper plane rushed towards my face and plunged into my eyes. My eyes went black, and I covered my eyes and screamed. The male classmate who put the paper plane hurried over to apologize, teacher. Come, let him take me to the hospital. We went to the hospital and went to the ophthalmology department. The doctor prescribed eye drops and anti-inflammatory drugs, so we went back.
Who knows, the scourge begins here.
After using eye drops and anti-inflammatory drugs, the wounds in my eyes gradually healed, but there is one problem, that is, a bright white spot appears in my vision from time to time, which makes me very irritable.Later, because of this, I had symptoms of anxiety, and my heart was flustered. For this reason, I kept asking for leave to go to the doctor. However, Those small clinics first said it was a cold, and then they said it was myocarditis. .
The second semester starts, and I am in my third year of high school. I am still taking leave for medical treatment. My classmates have all gone to school. I am the only one staying in the rented house. I have a lot of thoughts, and all kinds of ideas are pouring in like a flood. I finally Slowly confused - walking on the road, I feel that others are looking at me; sleeping in the room, I hear the conversation outside talking about me.
After my mother heard about it, she hurriedly asked for leave to see me. However, it was too late, and my mental symptoms were already very serious! I do not sleep at night, walk around, run around during the day, shouting that I want to see my girlfriend H... No way, my parents applied for a leave of absence from the school and took me to a mental hospital in Xi'an.
The mental hospital gave me the diagnosis of "adolescent schizophrenia". I use dangling bottles and take medicine every day. My parents live with me in the hospital to take care of me.
In the hospital, there are all kinds of mentally ill patients, including old people, middle-aged people, and young girls of my age (at that time, it was a mixed ward and the conditions were poor), and they also suffered from schizophrenia. After professional treatment, I gradually recovered. Two months later, I was discharged from the hospital and went to a good Chinese medicine clinic for acupuncture. After the condition stabilized, I went home and took medicine to maintain it at home.
2. Daily
One year later, the time to return to school came. My parents advised me not to go to school. I was thinking about tuition fees, and the illness was serious again, so I stayed at home and married a daughter-in-law.But I insisted on going to school and fulfilling my dream. My parents couldn't beat me, so they agreed.
In the fall of 2004, I went to school again and was assigned to a new class. Soon I got to know the new classmates and got along very well. In the first monthly exam, I also took the first place in the class, and the teachers and classmates looked at me differently.
Unfortunately, the side effects of the medicines I was taking at the time were not small. Later, I was always sleepy and couldn't wake up, I was often late, and my homework was slowly falling behind. Fortunately, the head teacher was a reasonable female teacher. After knowing my situation, not only did she not blame me for being late, but she also bought me an alarm clock and told me to get up as early as possible, which moved me and didn't know what to say.
At that time, I insisted on taking the medicine, so the disease did not recur, and I always behaved normally. I was able to graduate from high school smoothly.. After the college entrance examination results came out, I was still 18 points away from the second line. It was a pity. After all, I had suffered from brain disease. I often think that if I didn't get sick and took the college entrance examination in a normal state, it would not be a problem to take the exam, but unfortunately it didn't work out.
In the year when I resumed school, most of my former friends were tutoring, so we played together again, and they all treated me the same as before, showing no disgust. After the college entrance examination in 2005, everyone was admitted to the university, and I was left to fight for another year.
In the fall of 2005, I became a member of the cram school. This time, I have no close friends or a tolerant teacher. The head teacher is a man. When I was late, he scolded me fiercely, forcing me to have to I got up early, and the pressure was too great, and my brain couldn’t take it anymore. Something happened, so I asked for leave to rest. Later, I thought about it carefully, I already had a mental illness, and I couldn’t force it in my studies, so I decided to just give up my studies.
When I got home, my parents took me to a mental hospital for follow-up and gave me a different medicine. The doctor said that this medicine has few side effects. But after I ate it, I felt sick to death. I felt that my brain was sedated, and there was no pleasant feeling. Later, I realized that this feeling is called depression . Because the depression is too strong, I usually don’t take this medicine. I only take one pill when I feel my brain is excited. After the medicine is strong, my brain calms down, but the depression will take more than ten days to pass.
I came home from school. In the winter of 2006, my family introduced me to objects. Three of them were introduced before, but they all failed. The fourth one finally succeeded. A thin and frail girl from a neighboring village agreed to this marriage, and my life was rekindled with hope.
3. Recurrence
After we got married, my wife and I were close to each other, and we were very harmonious emotionally, and we soon had a child. Chinese herbal medicines are grown in the fields at home, and we do the work in the fields, weeding in summer and digging herbs in winter. My parents went out to work and had a good life.
However, my mental illness never stopped.Because I went to see a doctor in a private psychiatric clinic, my condition has always been "stable". There were no major twists and turns. My family and I didn't pay much attention to it. The medicine prescribed by the doctor was only taken once every long time. The symptoms are already very serious, but because of lack of insight, I don't know it.
I don't dare to go to places with many people, I always feel that others are watching my every move and even seeing through my psychological activities. I hate something, but the more I think about it; I get entangled in some trivial things and can't get rid of it; I always feel that people around me are full of discrimination against me, when others laugh, I feel like they are laughing at me, and when others spit, they are spurning me ...
This situation has continued for seven or eight years! Because of the lack of relevant knowledge about mental illness and lack of understanding of the disease, I always think that I am in good condition, and I am a "normal person", so I am taboo and do not want to seek further treatment. a paragraph.
At that time, my condition basically represented most of the mentally ill patients. I had no self-awareness, I didn't think I was sick, and I lived my life with my remaining rationality without serious slapstick incidents. , looks barely like a "normal person", living in a daze.
Due to years of untreated, my disease finally broke out into a major attack.
In the spring of 2014, as the saying goes, "cauliflower blooms, idiots are busy", Every spring is a period of high incidence of mental illness.I fell ill in the spring of this year, and I did it badly. In my delusions, the world was destroyed, everyone became a fool, and I was the only savior. So I run around every day, running to save the world.
was really sick that time, it was the worst time ever. My parents used to work in other places, but they had to come back when they heard that I was ill. This time, continuing to take the original medicine didn't help. Seeing that my condition was getting worse, my parents decided to take me to a good hospital to see a doctor. After inquiring around, I learned that there is a psychiatric hospital in this province with a high level, so I took me to that hospital.
This time, it is a very large and regular hospital with several wards, and I entered the fourth ward. The inside is closed and managed, and you can only go out once to take a shower on Friday. My attending doctor, surnamed Han, is an old man in his fifties. I not only took medicine, but also had electrotherapy. After a few days, I slowly woke up. When I recalled what I did during my illness, I could clearly distinguish that it was a morbid thinking, and I felt ashamed.
I stayed in the hospital for two months. I felt a little bored in the second half. I played chess, chatted with the patients, and exchanged the experience of treatment. Later, I finally waited until my mother came to pick me up and could be discharged from the hospital. I was very happy.
After I was discharged from the hospital, the medicine prescribed by the doctor this time was risperidone dispersible tablets, which had very few side effects and did not feel depressed after taking it, so I insisted on taking the medicine every day.
(The most recent follow-up records of health and poverty alleviation doctors are all "good")
Fourth, hardships come to fruition I don't have to be depressed and sad for more than ten days after taking one pill, and even feel so painful that I want to commit suicide like before. My parents also said that I am in better condition than before, and it seems that the doctors in the big hospital are very skilled.
Until now, I still insist on taking medicine every day without interruption. Although I still clearly feel that I still have a lot of problems in my body, I have recovered a little bit of insight, at least I know that there is something wrong with me, and I am not as confused as I used to think that I am not sick.
Now, I do farm work at home, pick up my children after school, and I usually go to supermarkets, restaurants and other places with a lot of people, and I am calm and not nervous at all, looks more like a normal person . Even my relatives and neighbors privately say that I am much better now than before. In recent years, the country has been engaged in poverty alleviation work, and a public welfare poverty alleviation post has been set up in our village. I was honored to be selected as a road cleaner in the village, sweeping the roads every day, and getting a monthly salary, although the money is not much. , but I think the focus is on participating in social activities. During the epidemic, I was also selected to be an on-duty officer at the epidemic checkpoint to contribute to the prevention and control of the epidemic.
(Photo courtesy of the author: Photos from the epidemic prevention and control work)
Now I am full of hope for the future.
Looking back, there are many thorns and bumps along the way, but fortunately, I did not give up, and I persevered through gritted teeth.I think, no one's life is smooth sailing, even a normal person without mental illness has his own hardships and twists and turns, so I use my experience to tell those friends who suffer from mental illness , don't give up, live with a smile, I believe that you will also have a happy day out of the haze.
About the author: My surname is Wang, from Shangluo, Shaanxi Province. I am 36 years old. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2003. , The condition has recovered well, and now I take medicine for maintenance treatment for many years, and the medicine I take is risperidone dispersible tablets.
Doctor's reply:
Dong Yingying: Graduated from the School of Medicine of Xi'an Jiaotong University in 2016 with a master's degree in mental health, mainly engaged in clinical, scientific research, teaching and popular science of mood disorders one.
Hi, thank you so much for sharing! I am glad that you can overcome one difficulty after another and overcome the disease! This also brings a lot of confidence to other people with mental illness!
I learned from your letter that you started to get sick when you were in college, and your family took you to several mental hospitals for hospitalization. From the beginning, you did not understand and cooperate with the disease and treatment, and gradually became aware and accepted. , I can appreciate the many struggles and helplessness you experienced during this process. Apart from your unawareness of the disease during the onset, some hospitalized environments and mentally ill patients may indeed make it difficult for you to accept. But I believe that this process has also given you a deeper understanding of the disease schizophrenia.After reading what you wrote about the entire process of the occurrence, development, treatment and curative effect of your own mental illness, I went through hardships, and finally, I was able to work and live normally and become a useful person in society. I am very happy for you.
Schizophrenia is not easy to diagnose and treat. The onset of schizophrenia is insidious, and it mostly occurs in young adults. Generally, only when the patient shows particularly obvious symptoms, such as hallucinations, delusions, and gibberish, will they be discovered by family members and then "escorted" to the hospital. . On the other hand, the vast majority of patients will experience repeated episodes of the disease, decline in social function, and need to be cared for at the onset of the disease, and there is currently no drug to completely cure schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a huge blow to the whole family.
Therefore, we hope that people with schizophrenia can restore their cognitive and social functions to the greatest extent possible through treatment and rehabilitation, and even if they live with the disease, they can also exert their remaining personal abilities and lead meaningful lives. Live .
You have also explained your illness very clearly. You can clearly express the symptoms of the entire illness and your inner feelings at the time. This shows that your illness and insight are recovering very well. You yourself are not overwhelmed by the disease, you can insist on taking the medicine, and finally overcome the disease and work normally. It is amazing to be able to do this!
Luck is not without fear and trouble, and bad luck is not without comfort and hope. Even if there are still many uncertainties in the future, I believe that you will face it bravely, deal with it positively, and live an optimistic and hard-working life. Here, I also sincerely wish you a happy life and stay away from pain!
