1. A certain county magistrate made a report, repeating the text exactly.
He read loudly, "Monks who have obtained diplomas, cadres who have not obtained diplomas." As soon as he finished reading this sentence, the audience burst into laughter.
The county magistrate said angrily: "What's so funny? Even monks can get diplomas, but we cadres have to work harder!"
. A classmate bought a pair of insoles and showed them off after returning to the dormitory. Another roommate 2B was short-sighted. , I didn’t wear my glasses, and when I looked at it from a distance, my eyes suddenly lit up: "What big potato chips!" Potato chips...potato chips...pieces...pieces...the world of foodies is indeed full of miracles... ..
3. Delivery by express
"Hello, is this Guanyin? Go to the door to get your express delivery."
"Did you make a typo?"
"Yes, the consignee wrote Guanyin."
" Oh, that should be mine, my name is Zheng Yue. "
4. The leader led a group of officials to inspect a pig farm. The owner of the pig farm hosted a banquet, which cost 5,000 yuan. After seeing off the leader, the accountant asked the farm director: How should this be reimbursed? The farm director replied: Just like in the past, it will be recorded in the pig feed account.
5, Zhang Tiaozi
It was my grandpa’s birthday. I bought him a birthday gift online. I also specifically told the store: "Write a note for me - "Happy birthday to you!"
As a result, grandpa received the gift and asked me why. There was a note inside, which said: "A note to wish you a happy birthday! "
6. My husband was on a business trip and my wife was alone at home. My husband asked my wife on the phone: "Wife, can I find a girl?"
Wife: “Okay. "
The husband said happily over there: "Thank you, wife. "
Wife: "You're welcome. How will you earn back the money you spent? '
7. The Henan baby asked the Henan mother: "How do you make a sentence for ABCDEFG?" Henan mother: "A, this B child is from the C family. ? Standing on D with bare feet, EF is not on, and GG is still exposed! Haha..."
8. The old professor slammed the textbook on the podium and roared at the girl below: "I'm on top. You are trying so hard, but there is no reaction down there, and you always want to sleep. Am I so incompetent? I have given you so much, do you accept it?"
9. A man was going to urinate in a corner when he was going shopping. The old lady looked at him. When he arrived, he said: "You will be fined five yuan for urinating everywhere." The man said: "Who said that if I urinate, I will take it out to see if it is okay?" Store, remember to pick it up." Me: "Which store?" Courier: "The one with the fattest wife!" Then, a woman's roar came from the other end of the phone: "Leave it alone!"
9. The auction is temporarily suspended. Auctioneer: "A gentleman lost his wallet with a thousand yuan in it. He is willing to pay 200 yuan to anyone who can find it back." Suddenly, a voice came from behind: "I will pay 220 yuan!"
10, Our Neighbors The couple's surname is Xie, and the girl is about to give birth. One day everyone gathered to discuss the name of the child. The nephew who was playing next to him listened for a long time and said: Auntie, will your child be named? Thank you for your cooperation!
11, Dongdong is six years old , his father told him to move out and live in his own small room. Dongdong: Why did you abandon me? Dad: Let you learn to be independent from childhood. Dongdong: Then why have you and your mother not learned to be independent at this age?
12. Funny "Four Most Powerful Classics in History": Water Margin - We have people in the rivers and lakes; Red Mansions - We have people in the court; Journey to the West - We There are people in the sky; in the Three Kingdoms - we have plenty of people.
13. A farmer was walking on the field ridge carrying two loads of manure. Someone walked up and asked: Uncle, how much does this sauce cost per pound? The farmer didn't say anything.This person reached out and dipped a little bit into his mouth, tasted it, and thought: If you don’t tell me how much a pound of sauce is, I won’t tell you that your sauce is smelly...
14, "Mom, where did I come from?" "Picked from the trash can" "Mom, did you collect rags before?"
16, the routine is too deep
I wanted to buy a bag worth more than 2,000, but I guess my husband would not agree. I said to my husband: "I want to buy an LV, probably Twenty thousand." My husband said with a dark face
, "No, it's too expensive." I pretended to be unhappy and said, "Then I can buy one with more than two thousand, right?" My husband kept saying yes and complimenting me. sensible.
17. The leaders held a meeting today and gave a lecture: Male employees harassing female employees is sexual harassment and violates the company's rules. Once reported, they will be fired immediately.
Someone asked: What if a female employee harasses a male employee?
Leader: ‘It’s... considered an employee benefit’’
