When we have a close relationship with a person, we all hope that we can walk into the heart of the other person, but it often backfires.
Zhang Defen said: "Many couples and partners fail to enter each other's hearts in their entire lives." In fact, Zhang Defen provided us with three methods in the book "We will eventually meet love and loneliness" to help us better enter a person's heart.
01 Listen in a very understanding way, don't say anything, just empathize with the other person's feelings
Think about your attitude in real life when your lover or significant other shares something on your mind ? Accusation, ridicule, or indifference? Or give advice?
Zhang Defen said that giving suggestions and solutions is a very bad way of responding, which will make the other party feel that they can't come down.
She said that in fact, the best attitude is to listen in a very understanding way, without saying anything, as long as you empathize with the other party's feelings.
Empathize with the other party's feelings, in fact, when the other party expresses his feelings, you can understand what he said, agree with what he said, rather than refute his words, or put forward some of his emotions that you think are correct. His helpful advice. In many cases,
people do not know what to do. When they tell someone what they are thinking about, what they want is often not advice, but approval and understanding.
For example, when a person is very sad because he has been through something, you should identify with his sadness, instead of telling him that sadness will only make him unhappy, he should cheer up as soon as possible.
You say he doesn't know how to do it? Of course he knows, so he doesn't need you to tell him. Compared with the solution you tell him, he needs a person who can understand his inner feelings, and only such a person can truly enter his heart.
Scott Pike wrote in "The Road Less Traveled": "The most common and most important way to show concern is to listen hard."
He said that listening attentively is the way to show love, and Marriage is the best place to embody this kind of love, but unfortunately, many spouses don't know how to listen.
Why do many people not know how to listen, or are unwilling to listen?
Because listening requires a person to put all their attention on the other person, and try to feel the inner feelings of the speaker, at this time, their own thoughts and desires must be put aside. But many people are always easily swayed by their own thoughts. They pay more attention to their inner feelings and think that they have helped the other party solve the problem, but doing so will only make the other party stop talking to them. This reduces communication, and if this goes on, it will naturally be impossible to enter the heart of the other party.
When a person talks to you about his thoughts, remember that the other person's feelings are the most important.
02 Be absolutely honest with yourself and the other party
Defen Zhang said: "Honestness is contagious and influential. If you can open your heart and share your most vulnerable and true side, the other party will be able to respond in the same way."
Alone If you want to be treated by others, you must first treat others like this. Only sincerity can meet sincerity, and sincerity can meet sincerity.
Since you want to be honest, you must first have the courage to face some of your own problems, and learn to accept them as a part of you, and then you can share these things with others.
In fact, everyone has an unknown side in their heart, and it is often these things. They are always afraid of being seen through, so they try to cover up.
When you can share the most authentic side of yourself with the other party, the other party will feel your honesty and will feel trusted by you, so he will also show you the most authentic side of himself. In this way, The two of you will become the people who know each other best, and your heart will be closer.
Don't think that if you admit that you are not good, or show your bad side to the other party, you will get ridiculed by the other party. If a person really cares about you, he must hope you can do it, because he wants to get closer to your heart , I want to be the most trustworthy person in your heart, the closest person.
03 Know the other party's preferences, and vote for them It is important. Therefore, we must observe and understand each other with will in life, and be aware and consciously meet his inner needs.”
In the end, everyone’s inner needs are to be understood and accepted, is recognized. A person who understands himself will naturally make him feel more intimate. If you are with a person and are always reluctant to understand him, it is estimated that no matter what you do, you will not be able to enter his heart.In the
TV series " parents love ", Jiang Defu and An Jie grew up in different environments, so after the two got married, many living habits and values conflicted, but they later lived an extremely enviable life. Life and relationships are getting better and better, and An Jie feels that he has married the right person, and this life is worth it.
It's because they understand each other and care about each other's needs. An Jie likes to drink coffee, and has the "hypocritical" attitude of a capitalist lady. Although Jiang Defu is not used to drinking coffee, he understands An Jie and accepts her hobby. Oppose Anjie doing what he wants to do.
And An Jie did the same to Jiang Defu. She would not easily touch things that Jiang Defu didn't want to mention in her heart, and she also understood some of his experiences.
It is precisely because both of them know how to sympathize with each other, understand each other from the other's standpoint, and accept some of the other's problems, so the two of them can change from the initial many differences to the final feeling of getting better and better, and feel that they have met in this life. people.
Therefore, if you want to get closer to a person's heart, you must learn to understand him, accept him, identify with him, know his preferences, and meet his inner needs. Only in this way can a person see your sincerity to him , will open his heart to accept you, will put you in his heart.
If you always deny your other half and never pay attention to his needs, then you will not be able to enter his heart. It is really difficult for
to enter a person's heart, but it is not impossible, and usually, whether you can enter a person's heart is up to you, as long as you can do the above three things, I believe you will walk into his heart.
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