In intimate relationships, attachment styles are generally divided into three categories: safe, anxious, and avoidant, which account for about 50%, 25%, and 20% of the population respectively, and another 3%-5% are anxiety Escape type.
is a safe type, enjoys intimacy without being overly dependent. Anxious, addicted to intimacy, unable to extricate themselves, often suffer from self-injury. The avoidant type resists intimacy, has a strong sense of self-limitation, and obsessed with self-reliance. Why does
tend to be the most scumbag among the three attachment styles? always adopts the deactivation strategy because of avoidance type to curb the occurrence and deepening of intimacy.
1, you won’t love it when you’re flirting.
The avoidant type will be attracted to others and will flirt. Very picky, pushing the opponent away step by step.
If you fall in love with the avoidant type, you may feel very hurt, because the candlelight dinner that you only ate the day before, why did the other person be cold to you the next day? Sometimes you don’t even contact you for a whole week. And when you become cold about avoidance, they become active and capricious again.
If the anxious type and the avoidant type are in love, they will be tortured to death. For the anxious type, remember to avoid the avoidant type.
2, the number of breakups is more
The avoidance type does not avoid love, but avoids the relationship too close . Therefore, once the intimacy of two people escalates in love, they escape.
and because in love, will not be fully involved, and will not let others enter their hearts easily, so it is quite easy to break up.
Why is there a high chance of encountering avoidance type when looking for an anxious type? often appears in the object pool because of the avoidance type that flows quickly in the reincarnation of breakup and love. The
security type is either talking about a stable long-term relationship, or really meets the talents you like to tease. The two avoidance types cannot fall in love, because neither of them needs to be in a close relationship. Therefore, the anxiety type is more likely to encounter the avoidance type, and the avoidance type is very attractive to them. It is important to know how to recognize it.
3. Fall in love with people who are not available.
avoidance type, like to fall in love with people who are not available: predecessors, ideal type, married people . Z1z
can help them escape the real intimacy in reality because they can't get it. First of all,
is the ghost of the predecessor. After the avoidant breakup, he begins to miss his predecessor's goodness, and once he gets back up, he feels that the other party is not so good. Z5z falls into the vicious circle of avoiding after falling into close proximity. After a complete breakup, the avoidant type will push the ex to the altar again, and will never forget.
However, this behavior has seriously affected the occurrence of a new relationship or the emotional progress with the current relationship, and this is just in line with the strategy of avoiding the current close relationship.
is followed by falling in love with the imaginary "ideal type". Because of the contrast between and the ideal type, it appears that lovers in reality are not perfect. The avoidance type will magnify the shortcomings of the partner, pick faults, and eventually force the partner to leave.
There is another kind of falling in love with a married person, because this kind of relationship generally will not have a result.
Whether it is a former ghost, ideal type or married person, these are unavailable people , and in the real world, they will not develop further intimacy with the escape type. And this is exactly the strategy of avoiding intimacy. The
evasive type is scumbag, is because their partners have to fight against those "imaginary enemies" , and imaginary enemies, we will never be able to defeat.
4, is there any help for avoidance? There is
First of all, should not be too obsessed with self-reliance on . The true independence of
does not require no other people at all. On the contrary, it is with a "safe base" that we can truly be independent and free, and truly realize ourselves.
is like when a child discovers that his mother is missing, he will feel anxious to play and can only cry all the time. Only when the mother is around can they play, explore and create more at ease. Lord
is actually the same. Only if you have a "safe base" and know that no matter what happens, there is still someone to rely on.There are still people who love us, so that we can truly be ourselves and realize ourselves.
Second is to identify one's own escape strategy , why don't you love it after teasing it out? Understand that it's not not love, it's just a strategy to avoid intimacy. To learn to open your heart, really let yourself go out and let others in at the same time, also remember to forget the predecessor and ideal type.
Finally, finds a safe type as a partner, . Anxious type will only intensify your tendency to escape and make the relationship fall into a vicious circle.
And the safe type is more understanding of communication and tolerance, which will make your relationship less prepared and more likely to be happy.
According to the survey, whether the safe type is in a relationship with the anxiety type or the avoiding type, the relationship satisfaction and happiness are as high as the safety type and the safe type. No matter what type of
, I wish everyone happiness.
