marriages that cannot withstand quarrels, most of them do not understand or are unwilling to communicate. When they are excited, they will raise their voices and yell. In order to rush to prove that they are right, they no longer care about words and attitudes. Know the emotions. It is driven. If it is not controlled, it can easily hurt feelings and even affect the survival of marriage.
is like a netizen "the face is cold and the heart is not cold". Because of Zhima's big matter, after a big fight with her husband, she angrily returned to her family's house, started the divorce idea, learned the cause and effect, and her mother proposed 5 This problem saved her daughter’s 6-year marriage.
I’m thirty years old this year. I fell in love with my husband at first sight six years ago. We had a flash marriage for two months and gave birth to a daughter the next year.
husband is two years older than me. He is considered a warm man outside my home. My parents are satisfied, my friends are envious, and my in-laws are also very easy to get along with. From marriage to childbirth, everything is unreasonable, only one point. What makes me hard to say is that it is too stingy in spending money, and it is very true. After
got married, my husband and I were both busy earning money to support the family in order not to reduce the quality of life. As a result, taking care of our daughter became a problem. At that time, my mother-in-law volunteered to help us alleviate our stress and moved in.
all say that empathy is the key to getting along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In fact, it’s easier said than done. Even when you get along with your biological mother, you have to quarrel, not to mention eating and living with your mother-in-law, which will inevitably lead to conflicts. .
Half a month ago, my husband and I had a big quarrel, and then I got angry and ignored no one, and almost got divorced because of the awkwardness with my mother-in-law.
I admit that I have always liked to compare with others, but then again, which woman does not have a heart for beauty and vanity?
is an annual classmate gathering. In order not to fall in front of the classmates, and to be taken a high look by everyone, after receiving the notice, I will start to think about what I wear for the day, which skirt is suitable to wear, and which necklace to wear. Temperament, which bag is elegant...
tossed in the cloakroom for more than forty minutes, but did not try to dress up, but later found that the problem was with the bag. It was obviously too late for online shopping, so I pulled it. My girlfriend ran a lot of stores, and finally bought a bag that fits her own aesthetic, in her early 20,000.
When I got home, I threw the shopping ticket in the trash can, but unfortunately, I was seen by my stingy mother-in-law, and then regardless of the time I missed dinner, I turned on the chat mode.
"Daughter, it’s not what I said, your young couple together will cost up to 20,000 yuan a month, and it’s not a necessities of life, so you spend one month’s income. It’s not worth it. Ask if you can Return it?"
I didn't take it seriously. My mother-in-law always made a fuss about what I was buying. If I finally bought it, I wouldn't return it because of her words.
I was perfunctory and put the bag in the cupboard in my hand. The mother-in-law talked more and more, and wanted me to compromise on the condition of bringing the child. I had no patience, and my tone and attitude became less friendly. In a hurry, the two quarreled.
When my husband came into the house, I saw that the atmosphere was not right. I was afraid that my mother-in-law would add more energy, so I rushed to tell my husband what happened. I thought my man could give him a head, but he was dragged to the room. Miles fell through.
"You celebrated your birthday last month. Didn't I buy you a bag of more than 10,000 yuan? You spent almost 40,000 yuan on buying a bag in the past two months. We didn’t say we had to save some money for my daughter to read. Is it a better kindergarten? You can’t restrain yourself and walk away?”
I still disagree. I usually get awkward with my mother-in-law, and my husband doesn’t “pull the sideways” like this. Wanting to feel more wronged, he threw the newly bought bag on the ground and ran back to her parents angrily.
While sobbing, I talked to my mother about the ins and outs of the matter, and even thought of divorce, "Mom, I don’t want to spend a minute with such a husband and mother-in-law."
heard what I said, my mother did not Following my comfort, I asked 5 questions instead.
The first question is, is there anything wrong with your mother-in-law, or something very bad?
I was silent for a while, and the past fragments passed through my mind like a slideshow, "She takes care of her during pregnancy and confinement.Yes, it didn’t make me suffer. After my daughter was born, she was also busy with her work. She saved herself from worry and effort. It seemed that apart from being stingy and nagging, there was no big problem, and the money for buying a house was paid by her in-laws. , And added my name. "Z1z
The second question, you are a husband and wife, a community of interests. No matter who earns money, it is theoretically a common property. Before such a large amount of expenditure is spent, have you sought your partner's consent? You only get five a month. Thousands, people’s income is three times yours. When you spend your money, why don’t you respect them?
I’m a bit wrong, and I’m afraid my husband will disagree, so I didn’t say hello, thinking about getting it first, and then coaxing him after the big deal.
The third question is, has your husband done anything that makes you unacceptable?
is no longer embarrassed, and this kind of question blurs out, "It doesn’t make much difference if you don’t say obedience, but every husband will take the initiative to accompany me and My child is stingy, but I am always willing to my daughter. "Z1z
hasn't waited until I finished speaking. I seem to have realized something. The confidence is getting weaker and the voice is getting lower and lower. My mother smiled and asked me. "The remaining two questions are all related. If you are divorced, I asked them together. You have a good answer. If you are divorced, are you sure that you will bring your daughter together? If you remarry, are you sure that the other party will do better? Will you be kind to your mother and daughter? "Z1z
I was completely speechless. My mother changed her attitude and said to me earnestly, "Marriage cannot be headstrong, let alone act recklessly. Marriage must be prudent and divorce is the same. When you have conflicts with your partner and in-laws At that time, don't rush to play your temper. First determine the root cause of the problem. If it is your own cause, you must reflect on yourself. If the cause lies with the other party and you can't communicate, then you can start thinking about divorce. "Z1z
quarrels between husbands and wives are like teeth touching their tongues. It is inevitable, and it is the norm in marriage. Even the parents who gave birth to themselves cannot avoid quarrels caused by disagreements, let alone between husband and wife. Z1z
quarrels are not terrible. , I am afraid that the more noisy the two people, the more tired they are, the more noisy they are, the less willing they will be to communicate. Over time, the exhaustion of the relationship will make the couple feel separated and bring potential crisis to the marriage.
So, how should we calmly communicate with each other? How about communicating with partners to avoid expanding conflicts?
Tracing back to the source, figuring out the nature of the problem, and then disassembling the cause, don’t bother to hold on to your partner, and wait for your own problems to be eliminated, and then it’s not too late to find the other party for theory. If you don’t have your own problems, you still feel confident. As you can imagine, the other party will refuse to communicate with you.
Two people know each other and love each other. When they enter marriage and become a family, it is a hard-won blessing and fate, like a breakup or a divorce. Don’t let words and thoughts that hurt feelings come to mind casually, let alone say them all at once. What do you think?
