pay attention to a little psychology and make life easier.
I don’t know if this is considered the dark side, but in my few relationships, I do have some new insights.
I wrote down these ideas because I think they are universal and enable people to communicate and understand better.
My first insight is that interests are everyone's core demands.
In fact, if you see this sentence, you will definitely say, is this nonsense? Everyone knows.
But the key point is not this sentence, but: What are the core interests of everyone at ? And, how will everyone's core interests change as the relationship between men and women changes (or progress)?
Let me give a few very small examples!
(The boyfriends mentioned below are not the same person, they may be exes, so I don’t need to distinguish if it is not important.)
I have been learning piano since I was a child. Anyone who has learned musical instruments knows that this requires long-term persistence.
I grew up and basically kept practicing for one hour a day.
When I first fell in love, my boyfriend admired my skills very much.
This is one of the appeals of interest. Men like girls who can play musical instruments, especially in the first contact stage.
Later, after we were together for a long time, the relationship stabilized, and I still kept going to the piano shop to practice for an hour and a half after get off work.
came home, basically it was almost 7 o'clock, so I never had the means to cook dinner, it was him.
conflicts came at this time. I used to play the piano to take up my own time, which has nothing to do with him, but now I need him to bear this time.
Furthermore, it is no longer exciting for him to have a girlfriend who knows the piano (has been used to it, and has finished showing off). At this time, it is more important for him to have a hot meal at home.
The second example, I have a friend who looks very beautiful, but his skin condition is average, and he needs to go to a beauty salon every month to maintain his good looks.
Each of her boyfriends loved her very much at first, but after a long time, they expressed some dissatisfaction with her going to the beauty salon because the cost of the beauty salon is not small.
This is also the reason for the change in core interests. In the beginning, the core interest was the beauty of the girlfriend, and this beauty does not need him to bear.
But what happened later?
core interests become money. Of course, my friend has money himself and doesn’t need his boyfriend to pay for beauty.
But how can you spend your own money, but after starting a family?
That is two people's money, no man would like his wife to spend thousands of dollars in a beauty salon every month.
At this time, the core interests of men slowly changed from beauty to money, and my friend touched her husband's money interests.
The third example, I have to make up every morning, and then curl my hair. At least 20 minutes, this time is not too long.
My boyfriend likes my curly hair very much, saying it is feminine. But what happens after a long time?
I have to get up early every day when I curl my hair, and then it’s relatively slow, and sometimes I can’t make it to the cafeteria for breakfast.
Occasionally, my boyfriend will complain that I am too slow and I can toss too much.
at this time because I touched his benefit of eating breakfast and sleeping longer.
may see here, some female friends will think that men are so annoying. But if we think about it in another way, we know that this is simply normal and hard to avoid.
Suppose you have a good figure with eight pack abs, handsome and talented boyfriend, then you must be very happy at first.
Later, you gradually discovered that his good figure needs to be exercised in the gym for two hours a day, and that a good face and a good hairstyle need to spend money and time on maintenance. If
is talented, it must take time to read and study, even playing basketball requires time and energy.
So, will you still be as happy as you started?
When you find that you go home to cook every day, every day you work hard to make money and save money, and every day you take care of your children’s housework, you will surely be upset.
knows that there is a very popular post, which is to ask: leftover women want to improve themselves or lower their requirements? There are a lot of satirical girls in
about baking tourism and the like, saying that it is not to improve themselves at all, but to spend money.
In fact, you have one more skill and you can see the world more, even if it is baking, painting, making handicrafts, traveling, and learning foreign languages, it is considered to improve yourself. After all, you are better than you in the past.
However, these are cumbersome to others, especially future husbands.
Unless you can cook for him every day, you can sell pictures for painting, travel without spending money, and learn a foreign language to take part-time jobs, otherwise, it will be useless to the other party, and waste money and energy. So, this is still a matter of core interests.
In marriage, girls only contribute to the family, such as having children, doing housework, honoring their parents, making money, and providing emotional value. These are the core values.
is of course the same for men.
Most couples quarrel, because their own interests have been damaged, especially money and time.
I went to work outside and became a piano teacher, and I gained thousands of income every month. My boyfriend started to praise me.
I went to a beauty salon to do several projects, and after spending a fortune, my boyfriend started to think I was messing around.
I applied for an exam and spent a huge amount of exam fees. My boyfriend started BB.
Then because he passed the exam and got a good job, his boyfriend smiled.
(again, the boyfriend here is not the same, don’t say why he is so scumbag. And this is just an example, you can substitute for all kinds of small things in life.)
then you must ask, in that case, I will change What's the use of being excellent? In the end, it will be rejected and regarded as a burden.
It is true that being excellent means that you have to make great efforts (time, money, energy), and the contribution to the family will be reduced. However, your excellence is your value.
Even if you are going to return to the family in the end, it is too tossing, too wasteful, and careless about the family.
But if you don't toss at first, you don't even have the qualifications to be rejected.
Also, even if you are married, can you guarantee not to divorce? If you are not good, can you find a boyfriend in the future?
For example, if I don't practice piano, I go to cook for my boyfriend. What about after the breakup? The initial value of
piano is higher than cooking, so it is suitable for bargaining. In terms of long-term married life, cooking is more valuable than piano for families.
Are there any skills in the family that are not rejected?
yes!
cook! Have a baby! Sweep the floor and wash clothes!
But, are you happy?
Then there is an ultimate skill!
make money!
regardless of male or female.
Because money is the common interest of both parties, you make him happy, and he makes you happy. And you are happy yourself.
Some women are thinking that if I find a man whose conditions are worse than me, he will definitely be held in the palm of his hand and do nothing at home. Women who think this way are too naive.
According to what I said earlier, the core interests of will change. We must pay attention to the core interests of the last members of the family, not the initial ones.
At first he might be attracted by your beauty and cuteness, and by your versatilityAttracted by your good family conditions, attracted by your decent job.
However, after a long time of getting along, what are the ultimate core interests of family members?
Time, money, sexual needs, emotional needs, reproduction.
You can only be satisfied if you pay for the other party. Otherwise, no matter how good you are at first, if you do not meet the above core interests, you will eventually be rejected.
This is why many girls say that they were blind to him at the beginning. My old lady had a bunch of spare tires at first, but he was the worst, and thought he would treat me well because of this. What happened?
This is where this girl was wrong. She didn't seize the core family interests and used her own conditions to do her best.
For example, if a girl with good conditions at home marries a poor boy, if the woman’s parents do not provide a house, but instead relied on the good conditions to give a higher bride price, then the good conditions of the woman would harm the man’s interests instead.
Some girls who marry rich people are very smart. They know what the core interests of each other are and don't play with those imaginary ones.
For example, the milk tea sister, her beauty and education are the initial attraction, and she marries Liu Qiangdong.
then?
started having children, accompanied Liu Qiangdong, created topics to earn advertisements, these are the core interests of Liu Qiangdong.
Some girls are uncomfortable and feel that they are dependent on each other. In fact, I don't appreciate this, because you can't get a divorce because you don't create value for yourself.
So if you want to ask, is there a solution to this situation? No.
Contradictions are always contradictions, and conflicts of interest cannot be changed.
I can’t cook if I play the piano, I can’t save money if I want to be beautiful, I have to spend time and so on if I want a good figure.
But we can find a balance, each of us is more tolerant, communicate more and understand more.
For example, men who want beautiful wives, but don't want their wives to go to the beauty salon to buy skin care products and clothes. Are you going to be a fairy for your wife?
If you want your wife to be beautiful every day, you have to spend more money and don't bear it.
Few women in the world are naturally beautiful and do not need maintenance. It's like a man's eight-pack abs. Can you get it without exercising? It's impossible.
women are the same, if you want your husband to make more money, then he must not have much time to do housework!
You want him to make more money and do more housework to play tricks on his children. Do you treat him as a superman?
Then we have to be clear, which of our actions are touching the other's interests?
For example, when boys play games and girls watch idol dramas, they touch the core interests of the family (you are good at yourself and useless to each other). These are all obvious.
My whole article mainly wants to say something that is not obvious, but many people don't realize it, that is, things that seem to be beneficial to the other party but are not beneficial in fact.
I learn piano, spend money and time, I improve, and the other party has no good. I teach piano and make money, and both of them are good.
I exercise and have a good figure, but when I spend money and time, my benefits are offset.
I have beauty, but I spend money and time. If I spend too much money, it will hurt the other party's interests.
I cook to meet each other's needs, but it hurts my interests.
I do housework to meet the needs of the other party and hurt my interests.
I get up early in the morning to put on makeup to satisfy my interests and hurt the other side's interests.
Therefore, family marriage is to find a balance between your interests and the other's interests.
This article is reproduced from an anonymous user who knows it.
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