文|Xueluowuchen
psychology has a theory called "Hedgehog Law", which refers to the "psychological distance effect" in interpersonal communication.
According to relevant psychology experts: "A moderate distance between people is the most attractive and makes people happy to communicate actively.
Too close or too far will cause psychological rejection. Or estrangement, which makes interpersonal relationship obstacles."
In real life, many couples choose to sleep in separate rooms. So, what will happen to couples who "sleep in separate rooms"? A pair of middle-aged men and women, tell you what it feels like.
They are Zhang Yuan and Yan Yu. Two people have lived for more than ten years. Because of their differences in personality and disagreement, they often quarreled, even to the point of incompatible.
Someone may want to say, the marriage is like this, how can the two make up together, shouldn't they have left long ago?
In a real marriage, the interests of the two are entangled with each other, and the children, house, and tickets are all tied up and entangled. It is difficult to separate them clearly. Therefore, persuading people to divorce without understanding the situation is either bad or stupid!
Although Zhang Yuan and Yan Yu are always quarreling, divorce is difficult.
01
can't get a divorce, they can only live their lives tied up together. They are always noisy about family trivial matters. They feel that they are wronged, because the other party is too difficult to calm down and reflect on themselves.
Zhang Yuan is the company's personnel director, who is in charge of the appointment, removal, promotion and salary increase of employees. If things go on like this, she has formed a strong style of saying one thing.
And her already formed character will affect her behavior subtly.
This made her unconsciously become very strong in her family life and getting along with her husband. It aroused the resentment and rejection of her husband, Yan Yu, and the two of them "pointed to the wheat" every day.
can cause conflicts between the two people, ranging from the parents’ old-age medical treatment, the child’s study and choosing schools, and the small pot of white rice should be cooked harder to taste better, or cooked softer for healthy digestion.
Zhang Yuan and Yan Yu are like two cockfighting, it's okay not to meet each other, as long as the two get together, they will fight each other.
Yan Yu is a chronic child, and Zhang Yuan has a quick temper. In daily life, Yan Yu is choked by Zhang Yuan's ups and downs, and Zhang Yuan is also anxious for Yan Yu's procrastination.
Zhang Yuan has a strong career and always wants to go further. Yan Yu has no ambitions and likes to lead a plain life. Two people with different personalities like
and such disharmonious three views are inevitable. When the child is in front of them, the two have some scruples for fear of affecting the child's physical and mental health.
During the summer vacation, the child went to live with his grandmother's house, and the "war" between the two immediately escalated.
02
"You are so muddled all day, you don't want to make progress, you are no different from a salted fish."
"Just hello, every day you work hard and fight for power and profit, it is so cheap!"
"I will let you say!" After the conversation, Zhang Yuan pushed Yan Yu away, and then with a "bang", she closed the bedroom door vigorously and locked her husband Yan Yu away.
Zhang Yuan sat angrily on the cushion of the bay window, with her arms around her knees, silently looking out the window and sulking.
At this time, in the front building, the young couple working together in the kitchen, inadvertently broke into Zhang Yuan's sight.
Zhang Yuan saw that the young couple was talking and laughing while cooking dinner, the woman was cutting vegetables, and the man was in the hands of the spoons, and they worked very well together. At first glance, she knew that they often did this and she was used to it.
Seeing such a situation, a trace of guilt climbed into Zhang Yuan's heart, and she suddenly felt that she was not so arrogant. The three meals a day at
are managed by her husband Yan Yu. Zhang Yuan barely stretched out her hand and worried about it. To say that she participated in it, she would at best give advice on what to eat.
has been married for so long, she really has never been to the kitchen once, she has never helped Yan Yu wash the dishes, clean the bowls, and cook delicious meals for her children. As a wife or mother, she is actually quite negligent. of.
On the other hand, Yan Yu, who was turned away by his wife, calmed down when he was alone.
Especially when he saw expensive high-end toys such as car models and remote control planes in his son’s room, Yan Yu’s heart was stabbed more like a needle. He felt that he was incompetent, especially with his wife. compared to.
family income, wife ZhangYuan’s salary, bonuses and dividends accounted for the bulk. The little salary he opened in the institution was not even enough for the daily expenses of three people. How could he be qualified to say that his wife is a "city servant"!
03
It’s not easy to work hard as an individual in society. His wife Zhang Yuan is a woman, and it is even more difficult to compete with a group of men in the company.
Zhang Yuan is so desperate in the company, isn't it because he is useless and can't support his wife and children?
His wife works hard for the child and him, for this family, he really shouldn’t always think she is strong, and she herself is helpless, because the environment is forced to be like this, he can’t blame her, on the contrary, he should be more tolerant of her. Yeah!
So, the next morning, Yan Yu got up early and made his wife Zhang Yuan’s favorite three-fresh stuffed small wontons, apologizing in disguise.
Zhang Yuan took a bite of a small wonton and ate her mouth full of oil. She no longer cared about the excessive words of the two during the intense quarrel last night, and she tacitly agreed to reach a settlement between the two parties.
Later, when the child came back from the grandmother's house, Yan Yu stayed in the guest room and still shared the room with Zhang Yuan to avoid conflict. Before
, when the two quarreled very fiercely, Zhang Yuan was angry when she saw Yan Yu and wanted to hit him with words. Yan Yu also looked at Zhang Yuan and didn't get angry, always wanting to shout at each other To vent the depression accumulated in my heart.
Now that the two live separately, they have their own independent space, which allows them to distance themselves in time before quarreling, avoiding the escalation of conflicts, and quarreling less and less.
After dinner, Zhang Yuan worked overtime at home as usual. Yan Yu put a cup of Jin Junmei, who had just been soaked with a hint of tea, quietly on the corner of his wife's desk.
"When did you two have such a good relationship? I haven't heard you two quarrel lately. It's weird!" The son of
watched his father bring tea to his mother, and the two of them smiled at each other. They looked very harmonious and felt very harmonious. Surprised.
After hearing what their son said, Zhang Yuan and Yan Yu were also surprised. Yes! When they were so good, probably started from sleeping in separate rooms.
It turns out that sleeping in separate rooms can really improve the relationship between the noisy couples and warm up their feelings.
04
So, the husband and wife split the room and "sleep", will the marriage be long? In one case, the relationship will be better when separated.
is like Zhang Yuan and Yan Yu. For couples who are affectionate but prone to quarrels, it will be beneficial to sleep separately. The host of
, Li Ai, once enumerated the seven advantages of sleeping in separate rooms for couples:
1. High-quality getting along and high-quality sleep;
2. Free time alone;
3. Decoration does not quarrel, your space is your master;
4 .Love, appreciation, respect, freedom, all at home;
5. There is room to calm down after a fight, so that it will not develop into hands;
6. You can keep the other party from hearing about gossip;
7. Keep in love at any time .
Yes, sleeping in separate rooms allows couples to stay alone, so that the two parties with strong personality conflicts, such as Zhang Yuan and Yan Yu, can not be infected by each other's emotions, calm each other, reflect on themselves, and prevent conflicts from spreading and escalation.
After the conflicts are returned to their independent space, they are resolved by thinking about each other's best ways. There are fewer quarrels, the relationship will naturally no longer be tight, and the feelings will of course heat up.
But please remember that not all couples are suitable for sleeping in separate rooms, at least those with strong personal emotional dependence and weak couples' relationship foundation are not suitable for sleeping in separate rooms. If
does this, it will only lead to the breakdown of the relationship, the collapse of the marriage relationship, and the loss outweigh the gain.
It can be seen that marriage is not an easy task. Even a man and a woman who are in a good relationship will face many problems and contradictions in life. This is something that all couples will encounter.
encounters things are not terrible, as long as they are properly resolved, they will not affect the relationship between the husband and wife, and the marriage can still go on sweetly.
So, how can we better deal with these problems in marriage? How to manage a good marriage? Here, I hope you can read the book "Marriage Psychology".
believes that after reading it, you will have a more thorough understanding of marriage, and you will also master some methods and skills in marriage management, and know how to deal with and solve the problems that arise in marriage.
When you can handle it, your marriage will naturally get betterHappy passing.
