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01
Judging from the state of being alive, some people live very easily, some people live very hard. This is not only the difference between people, but also the difference in the environment in which people live. Whether
lives easily or not can depend on whether one should live easily, or whether one is willing to live hard, whether
should or shouldn’t, often the environment is at work, for you, the surrounding will definitely Someone gives you this advice: what should you do, what should not you do. This is an external force, and whether you accept this external force or not depends on yourself and how your own internal force works.
is willing or not, it is internal force at work. Others will tell you what to do and what to do, which is more specific to yourself, but more about what you are willing or unwilling to do.
External force and internal force can be combined or not. The key is to realize which side is more beneficial to you. If external forces are beneficial to you, you can listen to other people's suggestions; conversely, if internal forces are more beneficial to you, you should listen to your own voice.
Some people will say, I can’t tell which one is better for me. If this is the case, you can let internal and external forces work at the same time. After experiencing some things, you will naturally understand who is more beneficial to you.
not only follows this principle in the whole life, but also follows the same principle in matters as small as emotions. When you don’t understand love, someone will tell you that you should love like this, and you shouldn’t love like that, but after you have been in love, you will find that what others say to you may not be right, and what you understand may not be wrong. .
02
Honest people tend to take the path we mentioned above by default, and go through the experience first, and then sum up the experience after experiencing some things. Brother
Jian is such a person. After experiencing an unforgettable relationship, his honest personality has also changed. Only he knows whether it is worth it or not. He believes that the sacrifice is transparent and worthwhile. There is nothing wrong.
Yesterday, after reading my article about spare tires, he said that it was very similar to his previous state. Although he never admitted that he was a spare tire during that process, he just thought he was crazy about love, but now he doesn't want to follow him. In the past, I competed, and generously admitted my spare tire experience.
When talking about a spare tire, I have to mention the woman who used him as a spare tire.
divides people as spare tires into two types: one is relatively normal, just because they don’t love, and after rejecting, the other party is still entangled, so let him go, and Founder did not ask for it; the other It is not good intentions, neither refuse nor accept. I feel that it is better to have a few spare tires than to fall in love a few times when I have not played enough. Then I will have to choose three when I have enough. Room for pick four.
Jian brother fell in love with the second kind of person. He is an honest person. He thinks that it is a great thing to summon the courage to love someone. When the other party neither accepts nor refuses, he thinks it is I didn't work hard enough, so I didn't want to let go, but pursued more desperately, just like this, I didn't realize my identity as a spare tire.
If that woman has the same attitude towards others, he may always be infatuated; sadly, when he learns that the woman has easily accepted other people’s pursuits, he feels heartache and feels that he has been cheated. That woman didn't love him, but played him like a monkey.
is even more exaggerated. When he asked the woman why he treated him this way, the answer he got was, "I know you love me, but I am not sure whether I love you or not. Since I am not sure, I will definitely want to shop around. Three families, I’m trying to fall in love with someone else. If I’m not satisfied, if I feel inferior to you, I’ll come back to fall in love with you!"
He knew that a woman was trying to justify himself by saying this, and was deliberately teasing him, but he Seriously, I feel that if I really love someone, I shouldn't let it go easily.
However, his grievances were exchanged for the other person to love the other person after breaking up, and he did not love him. The state is like: he has been chasing and running behind, but the woman has been running towards the embrace of others. Every time he watched her fall in love with others, every time he heard the sound of his own heartbreak, but he was still chasing after him. In his words, "Maybe it's because I love her too much and can't stop! "Z1z
haveAnyone who has gone through chasing experience should know that even if you are unwilling to stop during the chasing process, over time, you will be exhausted physically and mentally. If you can't run, you have to stop. Brother Jian is just like that. He has been loving but couldn't, and has been hurt in the process. Even if he still loves in his heart, he is so tired that he can only stop and watch the person he loves drifting away from him. The mentality of
people will change in this situation. They will not give up on themselves, but will give up what they have chased, because if they try their best, they have not caught it, which can be equivalent to meaningless.
Brother Jian called the above transition from "I love you" to "I like you":
"Although I have heard people say that there is a difference between love and love, but I can't tell what is going on. , I feel like is love, love is like. But after experiencing a period of love that cannot be loved, I realized that I have experienced three states: first I upgraded from loving her to loving her, and then downgraded from loving her to loving her.
put her in front of me now, if I don’t care about what happened between us, I will still like her, but I won’t be as desperate as before, but think it’s dispensable, just like I like milk tea Same, although you like it, you can skip it.
This may be the biggest difference between love and love! If you like someone, you don't particularly want to possess it. It doesn't matter whether you can get it or not; but if you love someone, you always want to possess it. 』Z1z
is precisely because his love for that woman was downgraded to like, so when that woman had enough fun and wanted to marry him as an honest person, he was verbally humiliated, "I don't want to marry you, I'm afraid it will be disgusting Himself!"
said that the reason why he said this to someone he still likes was because he could not let go of what she had done, "she can not love me, she can continue to love others, but she should not turn back And secondly, I don’t want to be a substitute, and I am not a garbage recycling station here!"
03
The difference between like and love, fundamentally, lies in the "strength or not" we mentioned earlier:
likes someone and doesn’t use force. Just like what Brother Jian said, like doesn’t necessarily have to be possessed, it doesn’t matter if you get it, you don’t spend too much energy and thought on the other person, it’s a mentality like, "I like you, I told you, The rest is up to you. If you like me, we will be together, and we will fall down more than we like!"
And loving someone is often very hard, and will want to get it, want to possess, and not achieve the goal. If you don’t give up, you will have the sacrifice and chasing that Brother Jian had. I want the other person to recognize that I am willing to do my best, and I want to tell the other person, "Look, I am willing to give everything for you. I really want to be right. Hello, you should give me a chance!" At this time,
involves the internal and external forces we mentioned earlier. External forces will tell you what should be done to like a person, what should be done to dislike a person, and what should be done to love a person. What should you do if you don’t love someone, but whether the advice given to you by outsiders is really helpful to you, you need to compare with your internal strength.
If you are not sure, then don’t care if you like it or love it, and pursue it first. In the process of pursuing, regardless of success or failure, you will gradually clarify the difference between like and love. Define it from your personal feelings. The difference between the two, in the end is to listen to other people's suggestions or listen to your own voice, you know in your own mind.
