01
Several ways of dealing with money that affect feelings
It seems a bit embarrassing to put money and feelings together, because everyone thinks that feelings are pure. If money is mixed, it will become vulgar and false.
Everyone thinks that there is no need to talk about money between two people who love each other. However, in this era, many couples broke up because of money, and many couples became enemies because of money.
has a good saying: "Brothers will settle accounts", so the correct way of talking about money between lovers will not hurt the feelings. Only the wrong way of talking about money will cause the two people to fall apart.
What are the wrong ways to deal with money that are prone to occur between couples?
1. Avoid talking about money, thinking that talking about money is an insult to feelings
Some couples never talk about money when they are in love. When two people are dating, whoever pays first pays and settles, they think if two people Talking about money is polluting this relationship. This approach of
can be done during the period of love and passion, but once the period of love is over, the relationship between the two people will be flat, and one of the parties will start to care about the gains and losses, and will secretly calculate how much money the two people have paid for the relationship.
If two people never communicate about money matters, this kind of grievance will accumulate and deepen, and it may eventually erupt at any time.
In fact, during a relationship, two people can clearly discuss the cost of dating and reach a plan that both of them agree.
For example, two people can set up a common account, deposit a certain amount in it every month, and the money will be used as the usual date for the two.
Of course, the ratio of saving money can be negotiated between two people according to their actual situation, so as to avoid conflicts due to cost issues.
2. No matter how much the other party’s income, the spending is AA system
AA is a very popular consumption trend for young people nowadays. Some couples have formulated the AA system of consumption regulations at the beginning of their relationship. Such behavior seems fair, but actually Ignore the income gap between the two people.
For example, if Miss Zhang and Mr. Wang are in love for 6 months, the cost of going out on a date is AA. At the beginning of
, both of them felt very good, but after a long time, Ms. Zhang found out that her salary was spent on dating, and there was no deposit at all, and because Mr. Wang’s income was three times that of Ms. Zhang, it took three. One-third of the money spent on dating does not feel stressful.
However, as time goes by, Miss Wang’s economic pressure will become greater and greater, and then she will complain.
When you are in love, you have to do what you can. If you want to get a relatively fair treatment, you can cover the expenses of dating in proportion to your income.
In this way, everyone will have a certain amount of savings, will not cause pressure to life because of love, and the two people will get along more easily.
If you are in love while calculating how much money you have in your pocket and worrying about your livelihood, this kind of love will create a sense of depression, and you will feel bored over time.
3. Too much interference with each other’s freedom of money
A girl said: “She is very good at managing money and can spend it in useful places. After cohabiting with her boyfriend, she manages her boyfriend’s money together with her. Months will give her boyfriend a certain amount of living expenses, and sometimes she will impose an intervention on the cost of her boyfriend’s living expenses."
For example, if her boyfriend bought a favorite anime figure, she would think it was a waste of money, although her boyfriend was a little unhappy. , But did not refute, girls always think this way of handling money is very good.
Although the two people are not in conflict over money at the moment, it also leaves hidden dangers in the future relationship, because the management of money in a relationship also represents a symbol of power.
psychologists believe that if one party is the absolute controller in a relationship, then the relationship between the two will gradually become unbalanced.
In the end, girls are likely to have a stronger desire to control money, leaving her boyfriend lacking the right to consume independently, and gradually her boyfriend will feel more and more imbalanced psychologically.
Girls are more careful than boys and are more suitable for managing money, but the premise of managing money is to respect each other, not control, and everyone should have their own controlThe right to money.
4. Often borrowed money from the subject, and did not know the date of repayment
There is a girl who borrowed money from her for the first time when her boyfriend borrowed money from her for the first time, and the boyfriend also repaid the money in time. After
, her boyfriend borrowed money from the girl several times, but he did not return it in time, nor said when it would be returned. The
girl is not well-off, but she is embarrassed to ask her boyfriend, but she feels sulking and very upset.
Some people will borrow money from the partner when they are in love. It is fine once or twice, but if it is regular borrowing, it will invisibly cause pressure on the party who takes the money.
This thing is wrong and it’s not clear. Couples can borrow money, but the date of repayment must be clear and the words must be done so that the lender can feel safe and the two can establish A sense of trust.
It is important for couples to help each other, but this kind of help is not without a bottom line.
recommends not to borrow money from each other easily, unless we are sure that we have the ability to repay the debt, otherwise borrowing money will only make the relationship between two people awkward.
02
Learn to break through the class and realize the freedom of wealth
There is a saying that "money is not everything, no money is absolutely impossible".
In love, although money is not dominant, it also occupies a very important position.
If young people want to have a stable love, they must learn how to break through their own class and realize the freedom of wealth. Of course, all money must be obtained in a proper way.
1. Breaking with traditional ideas
Many people have not succeeded yet, to a large extent they are bound by their thoughts.
When there is no successful case around us that we can learn from, we might as well look back and see how those who emerged in history did it.
Most people are [sheep-like thinking] when doing things, they are used to being good people in life, without the thought of a leader. If you want to break through your traditional ideas, you must learn [wolf-like thinking] and have strong ideas The idea of the author, the idea of competition.
2. Break the traditional way of doing things
If we have changed our minds, then the next step is to change the way we do things. Only when we change our minds, thoughts will dominate the way we do things in the future.
In the real world, the strong are not only to be strong, but also the cost and price paid for it. Most people who are really powerful at
will not solve conflicts head-on. Such head-on approach is not cost-effective. They will learn various ways of doing things and pay the lowest price to accomplish what they want to accomplish.
Breaking the shackles of previous ways of doing things is an important condition for becoming a strong person.
3. Know how to control resources
How important are resources?
Famous counselors in history, they have the ability to assist the king to dominate the world, but why can't they become kings? Because if you want to be successful, only ideas and means are far from enough. These are all based on resources. The essence of
society is competition for survival resources. What if people without resources want to succeed?
We can rely on resources, and we must rely on our talents and abilities to make people with resources willing to share a piece of the pie for us, and capable and loyal people can get resources faster.
If you want to break through your own class and realize the freedom of wealth, you must have a leadership mindset and use various means to achieve your wishes. The most important thing is to use the resources you can use efficiently.
To sum up, there is no pure love in the world. Pure love can only exist in fairy tales. Love in reality will definitely deal with money.
Of course, two people with a lot of money are not necessarily happy, and a couple without money is not necessarily sad. The key is how two people manage their relationship.
Author | Qingteng, National Level 3 Psychological Counselor, 5 years experience in psychological and emotional industry. Good at CBT therapy, ACT therapy, from a cognitive perspective, to update and iterate the cognition of visitors, look at reality from a new perspective, and solve a series of problems.
